Kirkwall Nights
by nakuney
Summary: Phaedra Amell. Not many know she had fought by the Hero of Ferelden's side during the fifth blight. Heartbroken and lonely she headed to Kirkwall to connect with the family she never knew she had. Her love and her now separated, can she remain faithful to her Nightingale, as she promised. Or will the city prove too much of temptation.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I do not own anything but my Phaedra. The name Amell and all characters belong to bioware. This is the first chapter of the sequel to Fereleden Nights. Please read and review. I have no Beta reader, if you would like to be the Beta please PM me. I hope I have corrected any mistakes. Otherwise, enjoy!**

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 **(9:31 Dragon 1st of Haring)**

I had survived my first night in Kirkwall. Today, I was to meet with Leandra. I sought a hungover Isabela and returned her throwing knife, she grunted her thanks and went back to bed. I shrugged and headed towards the common room for some breakfast. "Hey Phaedra. Please join me in breaking my fast. The dwarf, Varric said.

I headed into his comfortable room. "Please forgive Hawke and Isabela their behavior last night. Our group is dealing with some tension. Isabela and Hawke, the most." He says. "I assume it has something to do with Hawke's younger sister Bethany." I reply. He nods.

"I think I can understand her feelings. I would be tense too, if Bella was coming after my brother or my betrothed." I said. As soon as I sat down he gestured me to help myself. "But, you, Bela and your betrothed have slept together before." He says.

"It is one thing if my betrothed and I agreed to it. It is a whole other matter if she were after just one of us. As for my brother, he has lived most of his life in the Mage Tower in Ferelden. I am not sure he could handle Bela's booty or her Booty hunting." I said.

He laughs a bit. "Bela Booty… When I first met Isabela, she flirted with me constantly. When I explained, I had no interest in involving myself in any sort of sexual relationship, her flirting became more teasing. I do prefer it that way." He says.

"Anyways, that is only partially the problem. Normally, I would not share such information, but seeing as how you may sticking around with us, I believe it prudent to explain." He served himself, poured us a couple of cups of mead and filled me in on the past year.

"So, the tension is because, she cannot decide whom to take with her in the deep roads. And she worries what may happen if she leaves Bela and her sister here?" I sum it up. He nods. "I do not know if it will put her mind at ease, but I will be here, if all goes well with Leandra." I said. "I honestly do not know. But that is the tension." He says.

"I will keep it to myself and think on it then. I will also guard my words carefully." I said. "Please do, but I would really like to hear about your night with Isabela." He says. "In details?" I asked. He shrugs. "If you want to." He says. I glare at him. "It's not like that. You see I am a writer. I have a romance serial going. But I am stuck." He says.

"I will make an agreement with you. I will leave my betrothed's name out of it. And if you write bits of the scene, I would ask please do not mention my name. At all. My love is on a secret mission and it requires autonomy. I will not allow her to be put at risk." I said. He shakes my hand. "Agreed." We said.

"I do not know how well you know the things women do together during intimate encounters. So, I will mix details from the Siren as well as other things, that did not happen that night." I said. We were interrupted by Hawke. "Come Phaedra, Mother is awake now. I have told her about you. she wishes to see you." She says.

Varric nods in silent agreement to pick up where we left off later. I follow behind Hawke, now that the tension had been mentioned, it became clear as day in her. "Phaedra. You said you have a brother, correct?" she asks. "Yes, his name is Calvin." I said.

"We do not know each other well, but I feel I am, in need of advice. It is my hope, you can shed some light on my situation." She says. "Okay." I said confused she was less than friendly last night. "Merrill says, you are wise and kind, despite you not saying good bye. That, and I know no one outside of my circle of friends to ask." she says. I nod for her to continue.

"I will assume Varric told you about our time here." She says. I do not answer. "Anyways, short version. We have the gold to embark on an expedition, that will hopefully change our lives. But here is my problem. I cannot take all my companions, and mother has begged me not to take Bethany. Her heart would break if anything happened to her baby." She says.

I became pensive. "Before you think it, mother loves us equally. If Bethany and I had switched roles, she would beg Bethany to leave me at home too. Bethany, really wants to go, but everything in me says to refuse it. But I also worry. Templars may come for her, I want to keep her from being taken away. Especially, by this circle." She says.

"You should always follow your instincts, they are usually right." I said. "I know. I have already decided to leave her here. But then I worry, about the circle." She replies. "Okay. My brother is happy in his Circle, and they have more freedom under King Alistair. My apologies continue." I said. She sighs. "I do not know who would best be suited to keep Bethany safe. Fenris hates all mages. Varric has to go with me." She says.

"Anders, has refused to go. He hates the deep roads. Most Grey Warden's do. I do not know if Aveline, would prevent her from being taken. She is a guardsman, and I would not want to put her in that position if I can help it. I worry for Merrill too, she is, well, you know her. So, I would prefer to keep her close. But Isabela, she has desire for my sister, I worry about leaving them alone." She says.

"Why?" I ask. "I would prefer my sister not become another notch on her belt. Isabela, is incapable of the love and fidelity my sister deserves." She says. "I would take Fenris and Merrill. Fenris cannot put your sister at risk for exposure, if he is not here." I said. "As for Isabela, maybe you do not notice how she reacts when your sister's name is spoken." I said.

"How does she react?" she asks. "Well, how do you react when Merrill's name is spoken?" I asked and noticed the same reaction. "But, Isabela doesn't do love." She says. "That doesn't mean she never will. She already has the first signs of love, true love. But she doesn't recognize it." I said.

"Still…" she says. "Also, Bethany, I assume is an adult by standards." I said. "She is 19." Hawke replies. "It should be up to her to decide. But does Bethany even like women romantically?" I asked. "She likes Isabela. That is all I know." She says.

"Then look at it this way, reverse roles. You are Isabela. Merrill is Bethany. Merrill is considered an apostate. If Templars came for her, what would you do?" I asked. "Everything possible to keep them from taking her. But again, this is Isabela." She says.

"I was told by my love, whom knew of you in Lothering, that you were very much in and out of other people's beds. Married or otherwise." I said. "Now, you have made me even more curious about your betrothed." She says. "I will not tell you her name. It is for her safety, that I keep it close to my heart." I said. "Ugh, fine. I will figure it out though. So, what is the point in my past?" she asks.

"Are you the same as before, or completely devoted to Merrill?" I counter with another question. "Devoted. You are saying Isabela, would be devoted to my sister?" she asks. "If that is what the terms of their relationship were, yes. My point is also, whom do you leave to protect your sister? The woman who loves her and would be devoted to her or someone whom does not cherish her as much as either of you do?" I ask.

We stop in front of the place she is staying. "I will consider your words. But for now, let us see how the family reunion goes." She says ending the conversation. She opens the door and once again I am met with a Mabari. It peers at me, teeth bared at first, low growls become quiet. The Mabari walks over to me. Plops on its butt, then flops on its back tongue lulled out, tail wagging fiercely.

I knelt and begin scratching his belly. "Demos likes you, that is a very good sign." Bethany, I assume says. "Wow, you do look very much like Calvin, but I can see your Mother's features clearly. I was your mother's midwife. How are your birthmarks?" she asks. I show her them. "It would seem they stayed with you." Leandra says and embraces me.

I was stiff at first. "Your perfume, it is familiar." I stated. "Yes, your mother and I made that perfume. I always wear it, and remake it when I run out." She says. I begin to relax. "Girls, meet your cousin. Welcome back to our family Phaedra. I was heartbroken at hearing about their deaths. How is Calvin? I have not been able to write him or visit him in some time." she asks.

"He is well, thinks he may be falling for a couple of the women in the tower. One a templar, the other a senior enchanter like himself. The Tower is rebuilding, it is a slow process, but the King and Queen are steadily getting it back to rights." I said.

"You know, Calvin saved Bethany and my life once. I had gotten sick. Rilia and Carver were away with the soldiers. Bethany, fell ill too. A kind woman from the chantry, Sister Leliana, she paid for a mage healer to come. It was a surprise that it had been Calvin." She said. I tried not tense at my love's name. I had hoped I succeeded or Rilia was not paying attention.

"That same sister, kept it secret that Calvin was my nephew. She gave us time to reconnect. She managed to persuade the Templar escorting him to take a respite from duty. She had quite the silver tongue. I wonder how she is, did she survive Lothering?" Leandra innocently asks.

"If it was the same Leliana who joined the Hero of Ferelden in the blight, then she survived Lothering. Anything else, I do not know. Maybe Phaedra knows, she fought in the blight at the Grey Warden's side." Hawke says. They look at me expectantly.

"As far as I know she is. We have not spoken in some time. And yes, she is the same Sister Leliana you met Mistress Hawke." I said looking at Leandra. "Please dear, we are family Aunty is fine, or Leandra if it is more comfortable for you." She says.

"Thank you, Leandra, we are not there yet, but I hope to be able to call you Aunty soon." I reply. "You fought in the blight?" Bethany asks. "Yes sister, were you not listening?" Hawke says. "Hush you. Phaedra please tell us about your journey?" She pleads. She really did love stories. "Bethany, we have the book. Go read it. Maybe she does not want to relive it." Hawke says.

"But, reading it is not the same. It wasn't even written by anyone in The Hero's camp. Stories are best told." She says. "I was at Ostagar, Bethany. I would prefer not to go into those horrific memories. That is why I have never told you about it." Hawke object.

"Girls! Stop this bickering immediately. I am sure Phaedra did not come her to watch this daily occurrence between you two." Leandra says. I chuckle. "It's alright Leandra. I grew up in a Dalish clan, there was always bickering. It also reminds me of Sasha, and our camp. We bickered often enough. Hawke, I do not mind telling her." I said.

I told them about my time with Sasha, leaving out things that were not important, or should not be said. Such as the relationships and especially not my relationship with Leliana. They were family, but still, I did not trust Gamlen completely. "Really? You saved some wolf cubs, they were not in the book." Hawke says fully into the story.

"I did. They wouldn't be in the story. Only the camp knew of them. I had them always try and stay on the outskirts of towns." I said. "Did they come with you?" Bethany asks. "Boats do not agree with wolves, nor do passengers agree with wolves. Banal'ras and Elgara are back in Ferelden, roaming the woods as wolves are meant to. They were not pets, but companions." I said.

"But, don't you miss them?" Leandra asks. "I do, but I know if I ever return to Ferelden, they will find me again." I said. "You do not want to return?" Gamlen asks, I could sense he is worried I would want to stay with them. "Maybe one day. But worry not, I will not be staying in your home. I have room at the Hanged Man." I said. He breathed in relief. The Hawkes rolled their eyes at him.

"Maybe, you could stay with your clan? They made camp on Sundermount." Hawke suggests. "Once banished from a clan, you cannot return." I said. "They let Merrill." Hawke says. "You are always with her are you not? Besides, Merrill wasn't banished, she chose to leave. But, if she were to go alone, they would not be kind. They wouldn't harm her. They would just be rude." I said.

"But, it will cost too much to continually stay at Hangedman, and jobs for elves are very few." Hawke says. "I do have gold saved up. It is just temporary until I can find my own place to purchase. I assume, I will need Varric's help." I said. They nodded sullenly. "Sadly, yes. Even here in the Free Marches, elves are not trusted, and barely welcome." Leandra says.

"But, gold runs out quickly for elves. They get charged double, sometimes triple for everything." Hawke says angrily. "That is nothing unusual, but I have many skills and can find odd jobs." I said. "Oh please, do not think you will get many opportunities here. You may as well, join a mercenary band, or smugglers." Gamlen says rudely. Demos barks and growls at him. I hide the smile as he shrinks into himself.

I bid them good day, and said I would find Varric and see about purchasing a more permanent residence. "I need to meet up with Fenris, Aveline, and Merrill. We are going to the Wounded Coast, I heard there were some bandits that needed to be removed." Hawke says.

Halfway to the Hanged Man, Bethany catches up with me. "Does it bother you, when she doesn't take you along?" I asked. "Not really. I tend to visit with Varric if he stays back too. He tells amazing stories." She got close to my ears and whispered her next sentence. "Much like your betrothed. But I honestly I can say I love her voice more." She says. This stops me in my tracks.

"I saw. How you reacted to her name. It was the same as Rilia and Merrill's. Do not worry. I will guard her name with my life. I never told my family that she had caught me using magic once. She smiled at me, and walked with me. I was terrified at first. Then she reassured me, she would not say anything." Bethany replies.

"Thank you." I said relieved. "Forgive my presumption. But I also noticed when you talk about her, there is sadness." She says. "Maker, you are observant." I said. "That is what I love about being in my sister's shadow. No one notices me, but I notice everyone and almost everything. Sometimes, I even share what I notice with Rilia, if I feel she needs to know it." She says.

We entered the tavern, and I didn't see Varric on my way to my rented room. I closed the door and put a ward up to muffle sounds. "So, a few things. One I will tell you, because I would prefer you hear it from me. My betrothed and I once spent a night with Isabela, I will not lie and say we just slept." I said. She shrugs her shoulders. "Okay. No, it does not upset me. It was in the past, and I do not let it cloud my feelings for her." she says.

"I am glad. It will not happen again. Even if it is just me." I said. "Fair enough. Please feel free to continue." She says. "We were betrothed, this you know. We went to visit a friend of hers. A revered mother. The revered Mother gave us her blessing to wed. We were happy, for six months. Then, one night she slipped out of bed. She told me she would be right back. She was getting a snack." I said.

I poured some weak wine, and added elf root to improve the taste. "When I woke up the next day, she was gone. A servant, gave me a sealed envelope, with the seal of the same mother whom had blessed us to wed. It contained the engagement ring I had made for her, and nothing else." I said.

"But where did she go?" She asks. "I do not know. I stormed into the Revered Mother's chamber and demanded to know where she had gone." I said. She gasped. "She had dismissed the guards. When she spoke to me it was as herself, Dorothea. She explained that Leli had gone on a mission for her. But that she would need to become as she were to complete it. An Orlesian Bard. As a hero of the Blight, autonomy would be hard enough." I said sipping the wine.

"Why would her having to become a bard, require your separation?" she asks. "How much do you know about Orlesian Bards?" I asked. She told me what she knew. "That is just the surface. At times, a bard may have to seduce and/or lay with her target. Leli knew she could not do that, if we were in a relationship. That had been Leli's choice. Dorothea, just needed her to be able to fade away. But even with my exceptional shadow abilities, two is harder to hide to one whom is very observant." I said.

"It probably didn't help that you are Elven." She says. "No, it doesn't. When people see elves, they automatically become suspicious. If people had knowledge of our relationship, they may have used us against each other. Which puts us in a less then desirable circumstance. There is not much we would not do to keep the other from harm." I said.

"You know, I asked about you, fighting with the Hero, because there is almost no mention of you in the book. It is just your first name, that you were a Dalish Ranger, and that you fought with Sasha. Nothing else. Everyone else, there was more about." She says.

"I know. I honestly, like you, I prefer that." I said. "Then, how do you put her at risk of being found out?" she asks. "People would connect the dots eventually, not to mention, traders, merchants and others who travel, but were there during the blight. It is not like, I am all that inconspicuous." I said.

"Well, I cannot argue with you there. You definitely stand out in a crowd." She says giggling. "I don't even understand why? I am a half elf. My ears are pointed. I look like just about every other elf." I said. "Really? Do you not know how gorgeous you are?" she asks. "I'm not." I said. "When was the last time you saw yourself in a mirror?" I shrugged. I honestly didn't know.

"Come here." She says. She empties a silver platter. Buffing it with a clean rag, she had on her. "Look." She says. I looked and gasped. "This is me? No wonder Merrill didn't recognize me. Since when has my hair been this color? My hair was black, like yours and Rilia's?" I asked. Gaping at my Silver locks. "Since, you got here. It is the reason Aveline questioned your claim of family so much." She says.

"But, my hair was Black when I cut it before boarding the ship to come here. No one noticed my hair changing? Oh, right, I was wearing a cowl and veil, to hide and protect my ears from the sun. They burn quickly, and it is very painful." I said. My eyes were the same, yet different, they had a glow to it. They were a brighter green, like an emerald.

"All I know is what I can see. You are gorgeous." She says. "Thank you, Bethany. I am confused then how it was Isabela recognized me. Merrill and I were in a steady relationship for years. And she barely recognized me." I ponder.

"Knowing Isabela, she probably remembers your body better than your face. That is my only idea." She says. "Wow, you and Merrill too. No wonder Rilia was in a mood." She adds. "We were young and lived in the same clan." I said.

"I did love her. Almost as much as I love my betrothed. But, time and distance, changes people and feelings." I said. She nods her agreement. We leave my room and I get the dirtiest glare from Isabela. "She is not happy you left my room with me." I stated. "She can get over it. I am not happy with how she flirts with almost anything with two legs." Bethany counters.

"But you still might love her?" I asked. "Indeed. I wonder if Varric is back." She says heading to his room. "Hey Sunshine. How are we doing today?" he asks. "I am well Varric, you?" She asks. "Just another day in Kirkwall." He says.

We get to talking. "Hmm… I would love to help you out. But there aren't any places available. Perhaps, you could stay with Merrill for the time being." He says. "If Rilia won't kill me. I would not object." I said. He shrugs. "Ask Daisy. She will get Rilia to agree to it." He suggests. "Daisy? Why Daisy?" I ask. "It just fits her." he says.

A few hours pass with Varric telling stories. Mostly exaggerated feats Hawke has accomplished. Bethany, makes sure to tell me what really happened afterwards. The whole time I swear, I can feel Isabela's angry glare. She was probably plotting my demise.

I walked Bethany back home as it got darker. "Isabela, sure is possessive even though you two aren't together." I said to her. "I know. It can be very irritating. She can be possessive over me, but I am not allowed to be the same for her." She says. We talk a bit more about the sometimes, infuriating infatuation she has with Isabela.

By the time we have reached her home, night time is about 30 minutes away. She had urged me to be back in the tavern by then. "Gangs, come out more. I am sure you could handle yourself. But you are just one person." She says. I agreed to making haste back to The Hanged Man.

After a tense drink with Isabela and Varric, I retire for the evening. Before I can close my door, Isabela has pushed me into my room, slammed me against a wall and is pressing a dagger to my throat. "Why was Bethany in your room?" She asks.

I stare into her eyes and answer. "We were just talking. About Leliana and then you. Nothing more, nothing less." I said. She hears the truth and sheathes her dagger. She turns to leave the room. "It isn't right Isabela. That you can be miss jealous, about Bethany. Yet, she just has to accept your wandering eyes and hands." I stated.

"I know that Phaedra. I am just trying to process it all. I am not used to this feeling." She says. She then leaves, closing the door. I longed for Wynne's words of wisdom. I sat down and wrote a few letters to my former companions. I wanted to let them know I was alright and how my first day went. I hoped and prayed to the Maker, that things would improve.

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 **Additional ADD A/N: So. I had tried to do like a journal thing, but not. Hasn't anyone ever wondered when all the events took place. I will not say that it is accurate. The Age, and months can be found on Dragon Age Wiki. "Time line" for the age. And Calendar for the months. Their is a method to my madness, but it shall be revealed later in the story.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I do not own dragon age. I hope you enjoy the story. Review if you feel like it.**

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Following Varric's advice the next day, I went to see Merrill. "Good morning Phaedra. Did you sleep well?" she asks. I shrugged. "New places. Always strange the first couple of nights." I replied. "Where did you stay?" she asks. "The Hanged Man. I rented a room there." I said. "That will not do for a permanent place." She says.

"It will have to for now. Gamlen made it clear I was not welcome to stay in his home." I said. "Why don't you stay with me? If I am home I could do with the company. Rilia always worries about me being alone. This place is big enough for two." She says. "Varric suggested I ask you. I wasn't sure I should. Family or not, she wouldn't want you to stay in a house alone with your ex." I said.

"I will talk to her, I am sure she will want to stay with us for a time. They are still working on reclaiming the Amell house. There is a lot of paperwork, meetings and gold needed. Besides, we are leaving for the deep roads soon." She says. "Are you worried someone will steal your home from under you?" I asked. She shrugs. "I don't think Varric or Rilia would allow it, but you never know." She says.

It was hours later when not only I moved in but as Merrill said, Rilia temporarily moved in too. "I have my eyes on you Phaedra." Rilia says that same night. "Enjoy the view then." I said and began removing my clothes for a bath. "Really, right here? Merrill could see you." she says. "I'm in the bathing room, Merrill knows this. That is why she is in her room reading a book." I said.

Rilia blushes in embarrassment. "Oh… hehe." She says rubbing her neck. "Are you going to stand there and stare all night?" I asked. "Oh…ummm… no. Maybe we should put a blanket up." She says. "Or when it is announced that a person will be bathing shortly, stay away. That could work too." I teased her.

"You know, I have already seen Phaedra naked. We were together for years." Merrill says leaning with her back against the wall facing her fireplace. "Not helping Merrill." Rilia and I said. "Alright, I will find something to put up, later. For now, shove off." I said. I heard the front door open. "Maker, I hope this situation will get better." I prayed.

After finishing my bath, I got dressed just before the door opened Rilia in the lead. "Good. You are decent." She says. "Umm… yeah. Goodnight." I said and entering the room that was given to me. I didn't have a bed. My bedroll will do, a bed is on my must get list for tomorrow. "Rilia, I think you are worrying over this too much. Phaedra and I have been over for years. I am with you, and only you." I hear Merrill say.

I hear a sigh. "I know Merrill, but how can I not be worried. She is gorgeous, and way better looking than me." Rilia says. "Maybe I should worry about you." Merrill teases. I cringe. "Maker no, she is my cousin. Just ugh." She said, and I felt not even an ounce of offense. "Rilia. She is beautiful, she always has been. But in my eyes, no one is more beautiful than you." Merrill says.

That certainly seemed to help because the next thing I heard was series of kisses, moans, clothes shuffling and things that made me blush from memories of our camp. Once they finally went to sleep after what seemed like hours, I had made a resolution. Not only was I going to buy a bed, but also something to cover my ears.

When the next day came, I left the house quickly and before they could wake up. I thought it better to avoid the awkwardness. As it turned out, very few shop keepers were friendly to me. They saw me and immediately I was being watched. It was in the middle of the market, when I noticed at least 4 guards trailing me. I sighed in irritation, and went to find Varric, or someone to come with me. I never had this problem when I was with a human, or with Sten. I think he scared them off by just glancing at them.

Once a human was with me, it turned out to be Leandra, they let me be. "Thanks, Leandra. You guys were not kidding about how elves are treated here." I said. "I am very sorry." She says. I sighed and shrugged. "It is the way of the world. Nothing I can do about it." I said. "Maybe, I can." She says.

I am stunned and worried when I see her stand on top of Lady Elegant's merchandise stand. Her voice carried further than I believed. She pronounced me family and told all that could hear that they should be ashamed. I suppose someone complained, because three guards converged on our location. "Mistress Amell, Please, come down from there. You are creating a disturbance." One of them said. I saw another trying to reach for her I scooted closer to her.

"Do not involve yourself elf. We are only trying to maintain peace in the marketplace." Another guard said stepping up to me. "What in Thedas is going on here?" the familiar commanding voice of Aveline carries to my ear. "Mother? What is she doing?" Bethany asks. "Guardsman, you had better have a damned good reason why you are holding a weapon on both my mother and cousin." Rilia says.

"Yes, Guardsman. Do explain." Aveline steps up. I was told she was going to be their Guard Captain, they seemed to have already accepted and respected her as such. "Mistress Amell, got on the table and started yelling about this here elf, how she is family and saying we should be ashamed. A nobleman came and made complaint. We were trying to regain peace." He says, nervous but clearly.

"And how does a weapon drawn on unarmed person, regaining peace?" Aveline asked. Rilia had let her take over the situation. That was wise of her. I would have just knocked the guard out and went on my way. "We were trying to get the Mistress down, the elf stepped up, I thought she was challenging us." He says. "Phaedra? Is this true?" she asks me. "I was not challenging them, just didn't know what they were doing. So, I reacted and moved to protect my aunt if it was necessary." I explained.

"We have been through this guardsman, weapons are to be drawn only if drawn on you first." Aveline says. Rilia comes up and put her arm around me. "Thanks for looking out for her cousin." She says. "We are family, it is what we do. It also what a decent person does." I said. Bethany steps up to my other side, and puts her arm around me too.

"Dismissed guardsmen." Aveline says to them and they return to their patrols. "What happened, your version?" Aveline asked. "It was as he said. Earlier, I had been trying to shop. I needed a bed for my room and some way to cover my ears when I sleep. The shop keepers kept staring at me, like I was going to steal. Those same guardsmen, plus another on patrol started following me." I explained.

"Okay, and why was mother here?" Rilia asks. "I couldn't find Varric or another non-elf to come shopping with me. When I was in Ferelden, the shopkeepers acted the same way unless a human or Sten was with me. So, I explained to Aunty why I needed her to come with me." I said.

"I saw first-hand the difference between when I was right next to her or further away. They were less suspicious of her, but kept directing all their inquiries and sales pitches at me. The more I saw how they treated her and any elf in the vicinity, the angrier I got." Leandra says. "I told her, that it was the way of the world and I couldn't do anything about it. Then she stood up on the table and you know the rest." I explained.

"I will speak with all the Guardsmen, once I am officially made captain. This bigotry must be stopped. It could cause a revolt and it is just plain wrong." Aveline says. "Mages are treated worse than elves, and you are more concerned with elves rebelling. Incredible." The broody mage Anders says.

"Anders, there is no actual proof of the mistreatment. If we had reports to go on, I might be just as worried. And no offense to Phaedra or Merrill, but elves have revolted in the past. Never once has a Circle of Magi or Templar Order revolted." Aveline says. I can tell this conversation has been on overkill.

"Reports are not filed, because the Templars don't want them to be." Anders counters. I was trying to remember what Sasha had told me about him. Maybe, I should send her a letter again. I do not believe he was this adamant about Mages rebelling before. Maybe, I should warn Rilia? This could get very ugly, and faster than we could imagine.

Rilia had Bethany take Leandra home and volunteered to finish shopping with me. She had a few last-minute supplies to get. They were leaving this afternoon on their expedition. "Phaedra, about last night, I may have overreacted. I should trust Merrill loves and only wants me. It is just hard, you are gorgeous, and half elven. You understand her life and whom she is more than I ever could." Rilia says.

"Yes and no. I am still getting used to this whole me being gorgeous thing. As far as Merrill goes, yeah, we grew up together. But we have not spoken in some time. We are both different than we once were. I do not hate her people, they were just never truly mine." I explained.

"So, she is not her people. She is Merrill and she still cares about you." Rilia says. "She has a bigger heart than me. I was exiled, and she chose to leave. She still cares about her people. Other than my mother and very few from the Sabrae clan, I do not care what path they choose." I said.

She looked at me confused. "Rilia, I know she is not her people. I am just trying to explain our differences. I am completely devoted to my betrothed even though we are not together now. All I can do is hope, that one day we can be together, but I won't do anything to jeopardize a future with her." I said.

"I will try and accept that, but first please tell me who she is. You can whisper it or write it down and I will burn the paper it is written on." She pleads. Was that her plan, to use my love's name as leverage. "You are not going to let this go, are you?" I ask. "Nope. I have to know, it is driving me crazy." She said.

"Are you this adamant with Varric about Bianca?" I asked. She sighs in defeat. "You aren't going to tell me either. Is it the one story you can never tell?" She asks quoting Varric. "No. But it is the story I will tell once I feel it is safe enough to do so. Which means, I need to hear from her or the Revered Mother she is working for." I said, letting a clue slip.

"You gave me a clue, you realize that, right?" she asks. "I have not the slightest idea what you are talking about. Should we move on, I got what I needed?" I said. "Almost. I need to re-forge my sword and pick up my armor." She says.

I follow her to the Blacksmith, he had said he could not get to it today. "Why?" She asks. "I have too much to do, Knight Templar Meredith is pushing for her orders to be done today. She said if I don't get it done today, my wife would lose her visiting privileges." He says.

"Maker, she is blackmailing you. Maybe there is something to what Anders says." Rilia says. "Rebellion, will only make things worse. I was at the Mage Circle in Ferelden, during the blight. One of the mages Uldred, he rebelled. He became an abomination, he also kept making more out of the mages, willing or not." I said.

"Then, what should be done about their mistreatment?" Rilia asks. "New leadership. Depose Meredith, find a Templar willing to take the mage sides more. Have them get rid of the Templars that abuse their power and the mages." I said.

"Anders, likes to spout about mages being free. I do agree with him." She says. "As do I, we had both a circle mage and an apostate mage in our camp. Both did what they could to help. What I believe is that Templars are important, phylacteries should still be necessary, but give the mages more freedom. After, the Harrowing they should be allowed to come and go as they please." I said.

"That seems like what Anders wants." She says. "It's not. He wants freedom for all mages and no Templars. I do not think he understands that they are necessary at times. If you have a mage, that goes on a killing spree, someone needs to stop them. Not everyone can face a mage and survive." I said.

"Maybe. But this discussion does not help me fix my sword." Rilia says. "Sir?" I asked the blacksmith. "What is it?" he asks gruffly. "Are you currently using the flame?" I ask. "No, letting things cool while buffering this shield." He says. "May I use it? I will fix her sword and then help you complete your order. I was trained by a master craftsman. I am up to par with him." I said.

"I do not know. If you lack skill I haven't the time to teach you." He says. "It would not be necessary, I learn by seeing too. But, think of it this way, you have a better chance of finishing with help." I said. "Alright, I will give you a chance. Do not make me regret this." He says.

It did not take me long to fix Rilia's sword and strengthen it. I handed it to her. not only was she impressed but the blacksmith too. I waved goodbye to Rilia and kept my word. I helped him and together we managed to get it done half an hour before Meredith was supposed to get them.

She looked at me questioningly. But whatever question she had for me, she dropped. She was impressed by the craftsmanship too. She nodded her approval. "I will make sure you, your wife gets two hours of visitation. You have done well, I may see you again next time too." She says.

He sighed in relief once she walked away and out of ear shot. "I don't even know your name, but I am extremely grateful." He says. "My name is Phaedra Amell, and it was not a problem. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed crafting." I said. He shook my hand.

"My name is Bernar, thank you so much. feel free to use my forge whenever you need to if it is free." He said. I nodded at him and headed to the market district. I would like to see Rilia and the others off it was still possible. I ran to them. "I was hoping to catch you before you left." I said to her. "Luckily, we were delayed until the morning. Bertrand is waiting for some dwarves, supply dwarves. Bodahn and Sandal." She says.

"Bodahn and Sandal are going. Then, I feel fortunate indeed. I miss those two. When are they arriving?" I asked. "In about two hours. Their ship got caught up in a storm system. Varric said they had sent a letter once the storm cleared and the birds could fly safely." Rilia fills me in.

"So, I would like to know more about Bodahn and Sandal. You know them well?" She asks. "Yeah, they travelled with our camp as we fought the blight. Bodahn was always polite and helpful. If you had asked him for something he did not have, he would apologize. Then a few days or weeks later he would find you in camp and give it to you, at discounted rate, because he needed to make a profit too." I said.

"Really?" she asks. "Yeah, other times if he found it, it would end up in your tent, and he wouldn't charge a thing for it. Sandal, well, he is extraordinary. He doesn't really say much, but he is gifted when it comes to rune crafting and enchanting items. Not to mention, he is quite the fighter. When we got up to the floor just before the roof of Fort Drakon, the room was littered by darkspawn he had killed." I explained.

"The enchantments were very good; did he have one so that a sword could never break?" She asks. "We never used it, but I am sure he does. He enchanted a lute to never get out of tune or wear down. so, possibly." I said. "A lute?" she asks. Time for another clue. "It was a gift for my betrothed." I said. "Was that another clue?" she asks. I shrugged.

"Maker, you a driving me crazy Phaedra." She says. "I have heard that quite a few times during the blight. But, not in this context." I said. Rilia blushes. "Normally, it is creators for me." She says. "I tend to say both. Anyways, let us leave this subject behind for now. We should get a meal or something together. And I think I will stay in the Hanged Man tonight." I said. Which caused her to blush further.

As we discussed we spent time together as a family, then later as friends. I bid Merrill and an almost drunk Rilia good night and took a room for the night. I locked the door, but did not put up wards. I felt Isabella had learned and understood, that I was not interested in revisiting our night. So, it surprised me when I heard the lock on my door being messed with.

I got up and forcefully pulled open the door. There stood Isabela, her eyes red from drink and smoke. Her hair a disheveled mess. "What are you doing?" I asked her. She swayed a bit as she invited herself into my room. "I just came to talk, but that may change if you do not get dressed. Please do not tempt me." She says.

Surprisingly, I wasn't embarrassed of her seeing me in my smalls, then again, she had seen me naked before. I grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around my body. "Okay. I am covered. Talk." I said too tired to be polite. "So, Hawke, is leaving Bethany here. Myself too." She says. "Is that not a good thing?" I ask. "Yes… No… I don't know." she says. "Make sense Bela. It is late." I said.

"Yes, because I can spend more time with her without Hawke's interference. No, because I am afraid I will love her even more and want to settle down. I just don't know. it doesn't help that Hawke made me swear to protect Bethany and keep her safe. To not let the Templar's take her." She says.

"She made me promise the same thing Isabela. Do you want the Templar's to take her? It would solve all your private problems. If they take her, you can't love her more and settle down. You will probably hardly ever see her." I said.

"Andraste's divine tits. I do not want Bethany to be taken away. I just want… Maker's Balls I don't know what I want anymore." She says. "Isabela, you have to make a decision at some point. Either that or just let time and Bethany decide." I said.

"You and the songbird, I know you two do not have the same hang ups as me, but how did you two get together?" She asks. "Leli and I had our own hang ups. She was afraid to love and trust again, I was afraid not being good enough for her. Originally, I thought she would try to get with Sasha." I said.

"Oh, the Warden, I remember she was pretty scrumptious looking but her boy toy, was very closeminded about multiple partners." She says. "Her boy toy, is the King of Ferelden now. but he was never a toy to Sasha. She loved him completely." I said.

"Isn't he married to Queen Anora?" she asks. "Yes." I said. "But, if he wasn't into multiple partners, what did she do?" Isabela asks. "She let him go, and focused on her new position as Ferelden's Warden Commander." I said. It was a lie. Whether she knew I was lying or not, she did not say.

"Okay, well back to my question. You and the songbird." She reminds me. "It really wasn't a gradual thing. To some point, she had been attracted to me, but as I said, Sasha was all she could see. Even if seeing Sasha fall for Alistair ripped her up inside. Anyways, I had accepted we would just be friends." I said.

Isabela yawns. "Sorry, the drink is wearing off." She says. I shrug. "In short, we went to the fade, said some very loving things, learned we had been together in several past lives. Remembered it when we woke up, and just went from there." I said.

"That was it? No struggles, emotionally?" She asks bewildered. "Not really. Sounds strange, but once we came back from the Fade we were the same people but different. At times we knew how the other person felt or saw through their eyes. Instinctively we knew how to comfort the other person or make them feel secure in the relationship." I said.

"That is not fair… why can't things be simple like that for me?" she asks. "Bela, it is a lot simpler than you are making it. You love her, and you know how she feels about you. You are just letting your fear take over. What scares you more? Someone hurting you? Or of you hurting someone else?" I asked.

She was silent for some time. "I honestly cannot answer that." She says. "Can't or Won't?" I asked. "Can't. I do not know. They scare me equally." She responds. "Such is the way of love. Love is a gamble. There is high risk. There may not always be a high reward though. In my gamble, there was high reward. But high pain too." I said.

"Then why bother?" She asks. "Because, no matter how long love lasts, it is worth the time you have." I said. "I am still afraid. But perhaps, I should speak with Bethany. See what she wants to do." She says. "That sounds like a good plan." I said.

"Thank you, Phaedra. I know any sort of relationship is between me and Bethany. But it helps, to talk about it. Try and see it differently. And if it means anything I am sorry about you and Leliana." She says. "Thank you, Isabela. I still have hope though. I will have hope until either of us stop drawing breath." I said. She kisses my cheek, and I knew there was nothing but friendship behind it.

I return to my bed once Isabela leaves. I still had hope, but my heart kept breaking, and I felt cocooned in this despair from not being with her. Or even knowing where she was and if she was ok. I think not knowing if she was okay, hurt the most.

My dreams were bittersweet that night, filled with fond memories and dreams of a future, that I hoped was not slipping away from us. I felt half a person, I couldn't even feel if she was alive still. The mages enchantments were highly effective. I again prayed to the Maker that my own situation would get better. Either a letter saying she was dead or a letter saying I could see her again. I needed something, anything, to either move on or just hang on.

I did what I always did, almost obsessively, I searched the Fade. I knew I could not find her, but maybe someone had seen her. I didn't care if they were demons, spirits or recently passed people. As usual the demons all said they had seen her and knew where she was, but not the name. they would need to take me there. And as usual, I refused their offers. At least they stopped attacking me when I refused them.

The spirits, they never promised me anything. I would describe her to them, conjure up an image of her. They would shake their heads and apologize, they hadn't seen her, but they would try and find her. The next day I visited them, they had told me they couldn't find her. Maybe the enchantment placed on her, hid her from any magical way of seeing her.

The newly deceased people had heard of her, none had seen her, nor were any of them killed by her. Nothing had changed, the same obsession, the same daily and nightly ritual. I knew it was not good or healthy for me, but I had no idea how to stop it. I choked back any tears, sighed and started my day.

The Hawkes and the circle of friends they had created helped little. They were not my friends, maybe Merrill and Isabela because she had said so. Bethany was family first. Were we actually friends, or was there some underlying thing saying because we were family she must be friendly.

Were there rules of separation? I wish I could ask mother. Maybe if Hawke took me they would be polite, but I did not think my crisis would wait. I seriously began to question my sanity, had a demon managed to seize my mind, or was it just me. I kept this hidden behind a fake smile and farewell hugs. Promises made to keep people safe, to be safe all the things people say during farewells.

"Phaedra, you with us?" I head Bethany ask. "Huh?" I asked back. "That is a no. Where did you go?" Isabela asks. I shake my head, not sure how to answer it. "Are either of you in good standing with the Elven clan on Sundermount?" I asked. "Not really, not without Rilia with me." Isabela asks. "Somewhat, but she would have to stay here." Bethany says.

"Absolutely not Bethany, I am not letting you out of my sight. I promised to protect you and keep you safe." Isabela says. "I can protect myself Bela. And since when have you kept promises, that did not benefit you directly." Bethany said. "This is one promise I do not want to break. I love you Bethany. I think I would literally die if I lost you." Isabela says. They get that look, and I sneak away.

I head back to Merrill's house. Double check the locks and seal the door with wards only I know. I would just have to go it alone. The hunt for the Sabrae Clan commenced. It was oddly easy, too many Halla prints and half assed jobs covering them. What happened to the hunters they used to be. An arrow shot at me and I back flipped and landed two feet away. At least, they still knew how to shoot an arrow.

"Phaedra, why are you here. You are not welcome here." A huntress I had recognized as the one whom trained with me. "I only wish to speak with the Keeper. I am willing to stay here, with your arrows pointed at me. But please I must speak with her." I begged her. "This must be very important. Why else would you come? Your paramour is gone. She has even moved on, we are happy she is gone." She said poison in her words.

"ANAIS! Save your poisonous words! Return to your post. Now!" I still remembered her voice like it was yesterday and not almost two years. I knelt. "Keeper, I seek words of wisdom and I have fears that a demon may have possessed my mind." I said. "Merrill would be suited better to tell you about possession." Pol's familiar voice said. I took in a deep breath as Wynne taught me and calmed down.

"Pol. Go with Anais." She instructed. "We cannot leave you if she is an abomination." Pol says. Deep breaths and slow exhales calm me again. "The Keeper is perfectly safe. There are at least 4 more hunters in surrounding area. Abomination or not, I cannot dodge that many arrows." I replied calmly. With another word from mother they leave. She has the other hunters come out as well.

She looks into my eyes, studying me, searching for any sign of possession. "She is free of possession. Leave us, I wish to speak to my daughter alone." The other hunters nod and do as she bids. "They will probably hide again." I said. It was what I would have done. "They won't." she says. I would not argue with her.

"Ma Da'len, what has your troubled so. When I looked into your eyes, I saw my daughter, yet not. What has happened?" She asked. Her hand rubs my back the way she used to when I was troubled as a child. Though my voice was threatening to break, I told her what had happened since I had left them. I had never truly appreciated just how much speaking to mother eased my heart and mind.

"Now, I find myself traveling the fade first thing in the morning and last thing at night, trying to find her. The worst part is, I know I will not find her until she wants to be found or the Maker wills it." I said finally allowing my tears to fall. "My heart breaks for you my little one. I wish I had words of comfort. The waiting is hardest. I still wait to be joined with my husband again. Perhaps, keeping busy daily." She says.

"I know Mamae. But being busy during the day does not stop the early morning and before bed journeys." I said. "What if you had something to take care of, something that needed a lot of time?" she asks. "I am not having a child." I said to her sternly. "Come with me to the camp. It will be fine." She says. I have my doubts but, being with the keeper should help.

"When we found her, she had an arrow in her wing. No one could get close to her. She squawked and pecked menacingly. But then the closer I got the calmer she seemed to get. I am not even sure how she made it through the boat trip." She says.

"What is she?" I asked. "A messenger bird. A raven, a rather large one too." She replies. I followed her to her tent. Shocked by master Ilen waving at me. "Some of us miss you. He misses you almost as much as I do." She says.

"Keeper. Please. You had to do what you thought was right. Besides if you hadn't I would have never met my Nightingale." I replied honestly. "I managed to get the arrow out, but then she began to ruffle her feathers at me. Then she burrowed into some old clothes and refuses to leave them." She says.

She directed me to this pile of clothes. I could just see the beak and the tail. The messenger raven was a full-grown adult. The pile of clothes moved. Only one wing flapped. She was definitely irritated. On her leg I could see the tube designed for messages. Once again, I spoke soothingly to ab animal and approached her. "Hey pretty girl. I am not going to hurt you." She flapped her wing again.

I felt the urge to hum to her, but not just any song. The need to hum the Dalish Lullaby overflowed within me. As I hummed, the raven got calmer, she poked her head out of the clothes pile. As I got closer, I realized the clothes pile was made up of my old clothes. The ones I had left, in case a clan member needed it.

"Mamae, these are my clothes. I had thought you would distribute them among the clan." I said. "I was going to, but I just couldn't let you go completely. You are my daughter. You will always be my daughter, Phaedra." She said. "Hello pretty bird. I wish I knew your name." I said. I came closer to her. She seemed fine until Mamae got closer.

"Right, I will be outside my tent. If you can move her that would be great. If not, I will make sure you are treated like a guest, until she heals." She says. I nod in response. I had become enthralled with this bird. "Now, what do I call you?" I asked the bird, she looks towards me. "I guess your name could be Jolie hmm?" I asked. She seemed content with this name. "May I free your leg of its burden?" I asked, and she stretched out the message laden leg.

I gently removed the message, tempted to read it, but I remembered Leliana's past. Best not to borrow trouble. Jolie looked at me curiously. "No, I have no intention of reading it. My betrothed, Leliana, in her younger years, gave in to the temptation. She looked at something she ought not to. It landed her betrayed and imprisoned." I said. She seemed to get closer to me.

"You would like to hear more?" I asked her. "I'm afraid I cannot tell you more of her time imprisoned. That story is not mine to share completely. But, I can tell you about my love. Would you like to hear that?" She bumped my hand with her head. "Very well." I pulled on the heavy glove I had taken from Leli's possessions.

She looked at the glove curiously but jumped on my arm. I carried her to a table, not one that Mamae ate off. I moved her papers to another table. "Hmm… where does one start when speaking of their true love?" I asked. "When we first met, even with an arrow pointed to my neck, I vaguely remember thinking she was divinely beautiful." I said breathing in deeply.

"Her hair was a brilliant flame, her eyes blue steel, her lips two pillows, brushed lightly with pink. She had stolen my breath for the first time without even a word. Her touch would set my blood boiling with desire, while her voice soothed my heart and soul." I had set the wing in a splint. Again, the raven rubbed its head on my cheek.

"When she sang, maybe it was just me, but the world stood still, not even animals would make a sound. Such was my Nightingale's songs. Mesmerizing. It was as if they thought the world would shatter if the song was broken." I told Jolie.

She seemed content to rest on my arm. She made no attempts to be aggressive towards anyone unless they made a threatening move towards me. I walked through the Dalish Camp. My mamae by my side to escort me out.

"Mamae. I know I cannot be here and visit you, but that does not mean you cannot visit me in the Alienage. I am staying with Merrill. Though she is away at this time. She went into the deep roads with my cousin Rilia Hawke." I said.

"I will my child. Do you think your friend would allow me to hug my daughter?" She asks. I move my arm away slowly and give Mamae an awkward one-armed hug. "Thank you, Mamae. It has been good to see you and speak with you." I said. "For me as well." She responded I waved farewell. I walked into the city with Phaedra on my arm.

I walked through the city to the alienage stopping by a stand and grabbing some grain for Phaedra. I set her down on a chair and rubbed my aching shoulder. "Well, this is it. This is where I live. I know you cannot fly still, but would you like to come with me on jobs?" I asked her.

She inclined her head in a yes, then tucked her head into her wing and fell asleep again. I figured I should follow suit, Aveline had been kind enough to give me some small jobs to do for her. I had wondered if I should see about joining the city guard, but seeing as how I do not like to follow rules at times, I thought better of it.

Hawke had seen fit to bring me a cot before she left a week ago, until my bed could be delivered tomorrow. After eating, putting a plate of seeds and grain out as well as bowl of water, from the barrel I had purchased. I did not trust the water in the Alienage. Even after boiling, it didn't look right. Once I laid down to sleep, I could have sworn Suledin was being sung by my bard, again.

I was not sure why, but it had become a nightly thing since we parted. Maybe it was magical, or maybe, it was our souls singing to me to ease my loneliness. I wondered if she heard the song too. I also wondered, if I was going mad. But, hearing the song was very much welcomed.


	3. Chapter 3

Days passed, I did keep myself busy, taking any jobs available within reason, spending much of my time with Jolie and fussing over her. She grew stronger daily, and she had become my constant companion. I also spent time with the others Hawke had to leave behind.

Isabela and Bethany were always a riot to be with. I honestly enjoyed seeing their love blossom and grow. Yes, it made me miss my love more, but also made me smile. Our fond memories flitting through my brain. Suledin, continued to play in my mind at bed time. I began to wonder if it was a magical thing. Which brought me to Anders.

"So, you think you are hearing your betrothed singing to you every night?" he asks. "That is what I just said Anders, I know it sounds crazy, but that is why I am here. Sasha, told me how knowledgeable on magic you were. She suggested I ask you." I replied.

"Sasha, is right. How is she by the way, I owe her a great deal. She helped me escape the Wardens." He says. "She is well. She misses her home, and wishes the Wardens would attempt to rejoin society to some degree." I said.

"I am happy she is well. You will have to put down Jolie. I need to examine you and do not wish to be pecked to death." He says. I place her on a chair far enough away for Anders, but near enough for me. "Why do you think you might be going mad?" he asks. "Since I had left Ferelden, I have been traveling the Fade, trying to find my betrothed or at least learn if she was ok." I said.

"Do you still travel the Fade?" he asks. "I have not, unless I needed to for my jobs." I said. "Well, I can tell you are not possessed. However, I see tendrils of a spell, not a malevolent one. It has wrapped itself around you, the origin seems to be the ring you wear." He says.

"My ring? Why? How? I have never taken this off. It has been on my finger since she gave it to me. And I have not cast a spell on it either." I said. "May I look at it closer?" He asks. I am hesitant to take it off, but for information purposes I reluctantly do. He closes his eyes and when he opens them they shine with a bluish white light. "Justice, I presume?" I asked.

"Indeed, your ring, the spell cast on it, is from the fade. It is you and not you whom did it. I believe you self consciously may have placed spells on both your ring and hers. The fact that you hear her song, means she has the ring and wears it on her. When you hear the song it actually is your love, who is singing it, wherever she may be." He says.

"Does this spell endanger her, at all?" I asked. "No. But it gives you a way to let her know you are thinking of her. Even if, she herself is not aware. It can only reach her if you are feeling the same as her. At night, you miss her most, at night she misses you most." He says, and I see the light fade and become Anders's eyes again.

"Sorry. I could have explained that to you too. But Justice was drawn to your connection to the fade. I think he misses it there sometimes." Anders says. We talk a bit more, but as soon as he starts ranting about the injustices forced on mages. I tune him out slightly, but after a few minutes, I excuse myself. I begin to worry again. "I need to write to Sasha again." I said. Jolie perks up at the name.

"Do you know Sasha, the Hero of Ferelden?" I asked. She extends her leg. "You have delivered messages to her?" She nods. She seemed excited, she wanted to fly, bring my letter to Sasha, I guess. She flaps her wings but can't seem to lift off. She lowers her head, sullenly, remembering she cannot fly yet. "A few more weeks, and you should be able to fly again hopefully. Come on, to the wounded coast. We have a job to do. I wonder if Rilia and them are okay and how much longer until they return. I think you will like them, well, Merrill anyways." I said.

I told her a bit about Merrill or at least the Merrill I knew. She seemed curious about her. When I told her what I knew of Rilia and Varric she seemed to not care. She liked Bethany and Isabela, probably because she got to know them.

She did not however care for Isabela's statement about being her pet. "Pirates, should have a bird on the shoulder. I think it would be ever useful if you became my pet." She had said. Jolie's answer was to sit on her shoulder and take a shit. "Disgusting! Never mind. Phae, you owe me a new shirt." She says I tossed her a bag of coin. "There you go." I said.

"You owe me a boat?" She asks. "Don't push your luck." I said. She chuckled and wrapped her arm around Bethany. "Come on my love. Mama needs a new shirt." She says. "No, Bela, just no. I will never refer to you as such. That is just gross." Bethany says.

I chuckled too. My job today was helping the blacksmith, with another large order, but at least it was for the guards this time. Paid for and not extorted. "You always do an amazing job Phaedra. I wish I could hire you full time." Bernar says. "It is okay Bernar, I like to travel too much anyways." I said. He nods.

"Speaking of travelling, I will be gone a couple of days. I can see you are low on ore. I am already getting more herbs for the herbalist in the gallows, and plants for Tomwise's shop. Would you like to me get you some ore?" I asked.

"I would appreciate it greatly Phaedra." He says. "You got it Bernar. Also, these gloves and shoulder guards you made me are amazing. I can't even feel Jolie's nails anymore." I said. "You are welcome Phaedra. It was the least I could do after you helped me personally." He says referring to me smuggling in some items for his wife's name day to her.

"Phaedra?" he ventures as I help him close the shop for the night. "Hmm?" I asked. "You know that Anders fellow, right?" he asks. "I do." I reply helping him lift a crate of onyx ore. "Do you agree with him, about mages being free?" he asks.

"I do, but I do not agree with his desire for a revolution. I have learned much about how the mages are treated here, in fact I have been thinking about traveling to other Circles, to speak with them. I do believe what is happening to the mages here is wrong, but I do not see how a civil war would help Thedas. We just beat back the blight but year ago." I said.

"I want my wife to be free. I want her to be home with me and I want to start a family with her, like we talked about years ago. I have read Anders's manifesto dozens of times. His words are passionate, and they sound right to me. But my wife, she thinks like you. She wants her freedom, but not a revolution." He says.

"You do see how a civil war would be bad though, right?" I asked. "I know it would be. But still, if he can free my wife sooner…" he says. "Bernar, if Anders attacks the Circle, yes it would free your wife, maybe, if she manages to escape the Templars. Anders, thinks all the mage would be free, but attacking any circle, and the right of annulment can be evoked for all circles." I said.

"What is that?" he asks. "The right of annulment gives the Templars permission to kill all the mages in their charge. That means, Women and Children too. The chaos that would create, the killing rampages on both sides. It would burn Thedas into dust." I said.

"That is horrible, but it may never get to that point. Annulment could not be instituted." He says. "True, but than you and your wife and any children you may have will be hunted the rest of their lives. Is that what you would want for them?" I ask. "No, I just, I just miss her. You know what that is like, don't you?" he asks.

I sigh. "Of course, I do Bernar, I have told you about my love. I feel like I am missing a part of me. It hurts like hell. Half the time, I have to force myself to even eat. But my love would not want me to start a war to get her back." I said. "There may be no other way." He says. "There is always another way if you look hard enough." I replied.

"I suppose Phaedra, but I am not sure." He says. "Bernar, when I hear about things in the Gallows, I too feel the urge to tear it down, but I know it would do more harm than good." I said back. He shrugs and sighs. "I will think about things more Phaedra. But for now, I could really use a drink." He says. I smile. "To the Hanged Man then, my treat." I said.

I traveled outside of the city, hunting and gathering for 3 days and it yielded most of what I had needed. When I returned to the city, I went around distributing what was needed. On my way to Gamlen's I heard yelling. "Leave her alone! You can't have her!" That was clearly Bela's voice. I rushed to her side. Phaedra hopped from her purchase on my shoulder to a nearby barrel and I joined the fray against the Templars.

Our fight was halted by Bethany's voice. "Enough! Both of you! You are just making things worse!" We stopped. A Templar took a cheap shot on us and I heard ringing in my ears, I shook my head. Bela had been knocked out. I saw Rilia had returned. Her gaze shifted to us, she reached for her blade. "Sister, please. Do not add to this mess. I hear by surrender myself to the Circle of Magi. Please spare my family." Bethany says and allows Cullen to take her arm.

"That will be up to The Knight Commander. Leave them be men." Cullen looked at me and mouthed 'I'm sorry' Then all I saw was darkness. My head pounded like, I couldn't even think of a comparison. "I'm sorry Hawke. I tried, I really tried." Bela's voice tearfully says. "I know Bela. I am not mad. I am worried for my sister's sake." She says.

I feel a cloth dabbing at my head. "Ugh… where is Jolie?" I asked worried for my feathered companion. "Who is Jolie?" Rilia asks. "The Raven" I replied. "Oh, is that her name?" Rilia asks. I painfully nod.

"She is currently on my woman's shoulder would you mind removing her. She won't let me near her." Merrill comes into view awkwardly moving as not to jostle and cause more pain, to herself. I could see a bit of blood from Merrill's shoulder. Once she was close enough the raven hopped down to the ground next to me and then hopped by my head.

I lifted a hand to heal Merrill's shoulder. "My apologies. Is that better?" I asked. "Much. Thank you, Phaedra." She says. I began sitting up, pushing through the dizziness. "Are Bethany and Isabela alright?" I asked. "Isabela, is pouting in her room. Bethany is at the Gallows. I do not know how she is." Rilia asks. "So, how do we break her out?" I asked. "We aren't. Bethany surrendered herself. She made me promise not to do anything." Rilia says angrily.

"What I would like to know, is how they found out Bethany was a mage? I have never told anyone, and the guards under my supervision wouldn't have either." Aveline says. They look at me. "I honestly do not know, I have just returned from some jobs. I have been gone 3 days." I said. "You should not have left. I expected you to stay by her the whole time." Rilia says angrily.

"Bethany, is not a child Rilia!" I shouted. "I know that! But you promised!" she said. "I promised to look out for her, not put her under lock and key!" I shouted again, and it made my head throb painfully. "Rilia, I think you need to go home and calm down. Your mother needs you. Go home." Merrill said. "That's how it is going to be, huh? You are supposed to be on my side." Rilia says hurt and leaves the house.

Tears begin to fall, from Merrill's eyes. "You do not have to stay, go after your love." I said. "Not until she calms down. It hurts, but speaking to her now will only make things worse." She says. "Something happened didn't it?" I asked. She nods I move over and sit against the wall. Phaedra hops to her perch on the corner of the bed. Merrill sits next to me.

Merrill tells me all that had occurred in the deep roads. Bertrand's betrayal, weeks of darkness with hardly anything but the smell of darkspawn, death and decay. She breaks down when she tells me about the Hunger Demon. "She says. 'I don't make deals with demons.' She orders me to kill it and I hesitate. Then she says. 'Now Merrill.' She has never been so short or mean to me." Merrill says

"You are wondering if she hates you for doing blood magic and making deals with demons?" I asked. "I don't know. I asked her, and she got irritated and said if I wanted to put myself at risk there wasn't anything she could do about it." Merrill says. "She worries Merrill. She loves you. I worry too, but I know blood magic isn't inherently evil." I said.

"I know she worries, but I keep telling her I am fine, and I know what I am doing." She says. "Merrill, demons can be unpredictable. She worries that one day, a demon may get the better of you." I said. She sighs frustrated. "I appreciate the concerns, but she has never acted this way before." She says.

"Her mood probably has more to do with being betrayed and in the dark for so long." I said. She scooted closer and I put an arm around her shoulders. Sharing out warmth and comfort. This house, so blasted drafty.

"Sasha told me that when she was in the deep roads, she was always on edge. She said it made her ten times more irritable than ever. Morrigan and my betrothed said the same thing. They said she got down right nasty at times. Sasha countered with 'When you have thousands of darkspawn whispering in your ear, so much that sleeping is damn near impossible. You try not to get nasty.'" I told her.

She sighs. "I suppose so. I will talk to her tomorrow, she should be calmer than. How about you tell me what you have been up to, and about the raven." She says after handing me a tonic to ease my head pain. I told her about the jobs, saving money, Bela and Bethany getting together and then I told her about my visit to the clan.

"It is good to know Marethari regrets banishing you. She never showed that to me, I suppose that is what had caused me to start bumping heads with her so much. I was so angry at her, first she had told me some story that you had left the clan. She had said it was to hone your skills with another clan." She says.

I had been aware of that story, it was one of the things we spoke of on her last visit to me. "I had to hear it from Pol. He had said something about it being my fault you were banished. That I had corrupted you." She says sadly. "You did no such thing. I lost my temper and hit Pol. You remember, I told you my first night in Kirkwall." I said.

"I know. But, when Pol had said that, I went to the Keeper and asked her why she banished you. She refused to tell me anything other than it was what was best for the clan. From that day on, I became more and more at odds with her. Until, finally, I had to leave. I love my clan, but what they did to you was wrong." She says.

"Merrill, it doesn't matter anymore. I made peace with it and I am grateful for it. Or else instead of meeting my true love. I would have had to end it with you and marry Pol." I said. "What?" she asked. "I saw it on her table. I moved all these papers to tend to Jolie's injuries and saw old parchment pieces." I said.

"You read it?" she asks. "Yes. They were arranged marriage pages. There was two. One for me and one for you. In a year, I was promised to Pol. In two years you were promised to Arathorn's apprentice. Who would be coming to the clan. In an exchange, Pol and I were supposed to go to their clan after marriage." I said.

"That doesn't make you angry. They would have separated us and bartered us off, like livestock!" Merrill says. "If I had learned about it before banishment, you bet your ass I would have been pissed. Now, you do realize both those contracts are null and void. I am banished, and you left the clan. Now we can love and marry whom we wish to." I said.

She gets a dreamy look. "Now you got it. Why get mad at something that will never happen, and in a good way." I said. "Very true. It now makes sense why he has always been so unpleasant to me." She says. "Jealousy, is an ugly thing if overdone. A little jealousy here and there is not bad, it can be rather endearing too." I said.

She laughs. "You did not seem very endeared by Rilia's jealousy." She says. "No, but you were, I bet." I said. "I was. It made me feel special." She says. "So, you know, being on the receiving end of a jealous lover is never endearing." I said. She chuckles. "Do you think, I would be on the receiving end of your jealous betrothed?" she asks.

I snorted and chuckled. She seemed to be saddened by this. "I'm sorry Merrill, that was nothing against you. My betrothed doesn't get jealous, if anything she would have propositioned you to join us in a tumble." This causes her to blush and smile. Then her expression changes and becomes pensive. "So, she would not worry about you being unfaithful, with her being away?" she asks.

"She knows me well enough to know, that I wouldn't." I said. "Do you worry about her being unfaithful?" she asks. "You can't be unfaithful if you are not in a relationship." I said. "But, you say she is your betrothed still. If you are not together then how can either of you be unfaithful?" she asks confused. "In my heart, we are together. Until she says otherwise, it will remain so." I said. "I am still confused, she left you and returned your promise ring. Does that not qualify as her saying otherwise?" she asks.

"Normally, yes, if she had left a note too. But if it were so, why would she still wear the promise ring?" I asked. "How do you know she is still wearing it?" she asks. "This ring tells me otherwise." I said. She looks confused still. So, I explain what I had learned about the enchantment on it. "She could just be wearing it for sentimental value." She says.

"I think, if she had stopped loving me or moved on, the enchantment would have been broken." I said. "Phae, what if this is just wishful thinking on your part?" She asks nervously. "I don't know Merrill, it is a possibility, maybe I am imagining the enchantment is still there. But, I feel the magic in it." I said. In my mind, it was the truth.

"May I see it, hold it, I am sure I can verify it." She requests. I sigh, but take it off. She closes her fist around it closing her eyes, I can feel her reaching for her mana pool. After a minute, she returns it. "It is indeed enchanted." She says. "Well, at least I know, I am still not crazy. That is something." I said smiling.

I do not hear Suledin as I fall asleep, this time it is the badly written song I made for Leliana. The memory surfaces, it feels real. Only I am seeing it as a third party. "I love this memory. I do agree though, you are a terrible bard, as far as creating your own songs. But your voice is sublime." I look to my left and see a young man. His ears are shaped like mine. "Who are you?" I asked.

"Feynriel. I saw you at the Dalish Camp." He says. "Ah, yes. The Dreamer. I remember, Varric told me about you." I said. "I am also half elven, like you. It is what drew me to you after I sensed your inner power. You are an Arcane Mage?" he asks. "Yes. I reply, and I move him from this personal scene. Do you watch the memory all the way through?" I asked.

"No, I just watch until after the song and you two kiss." He says. "I appreciate that. the rest of that memory is very private, and I hold it dearly. Why do you run through my dreams? I have never met you?" I asked. "At first, I had no control over where I went, but for some reason, I was always drawn to yours. I just didn't know there were yours until I saw you." he says.

"Have you learned to navigate the fade?" I asked. "Not really. When I see your dreams, I feel relieved. So far that is the only dream I can navigate back to." He says. "Would you like me to show you, some other ones?" I ask. He nods. "Could you show me how to navigate the fade?" he asks. "It takes practice, but I can teach you the basics." I reply.

I explain it a bit and have him take me to the campfire song. As my love sang the song that once stilled the whole camp. I could see Feynriel was lost to the magic of her voice. Once ended, he was silent a few more moments. "What do the words she was singing mean. I heard Dalish, which is strange because I should have heard it in common, since you knew the words?" He asks.

"I prevented you from it, I wanted you to hear it as everyone in the camp had. You are in my dreams, I have mastered my own dreamland." I said. "What is the song called?" he asks. "In Uthenera. In Waking Sleep. The ancient elves practiced this. Immortality can wear on a person. So, the ancient elves, when they grew tired of life would sleep. It is mostly used as a funeral song." I said.

"There is another song, I hear it often, it is when I know you are near." He sings in common, his voice was decent. "I cannot pronounce the Elvish words, Marethari is teaching me." He says. "Suledin. It means 'Endure.' Can you follow where the song comes from?" I asked feeling a bit of hope. He shakes his head. "I do not know. I have not tried. I keep feeling like I will get lost, so I never try." He says.

I sigh defeated. "At least, I have learned whose voice it is. Maybe that will help, if I try to find her." he says. "No, Feynriel, that getting lost feeling, is a strong warding spell. Leave it be. You never know where you will end up. I think it is almost time to wake up." I said.

"Yeah, I feel it too." He says. "Feynriel, would you like to walk through the fade with me again?" I asked. "I would love to, are you sure?" he asks. "Well, I may steer you away from certain things, but it has been nice to have company." I said.

"I agree, but I will not come to your dreams, unless you call for me. I can imagine that sometimes, you want to be alone in your dreams." He says. "I will. Good day Feynriel." I replied, I saw him wave before I came back to waking world.

I had felt lighter after meeting the Dreamer, Feynriel. It was nice to teach him and share my dreams with him. He had so far learned to share his dreams with me, and at least navigate quickly through familiar dreamscapes. He also, had learned when he should and shouldn't influence dreams. He kept to steering children from nightmares, sharing he wished he had been steered from his when he was younger.

"I wish you could visit me at the Dalish Camp. I would enjoy speaking to you face to face." He says. "Maybe, one day. Perhaps, Rilia will take me with her, she visits them sometimes." I said. "If I could safely return to the city, that would be nice too. Hey, thanks for convincing mother to visit the camp. It is lonely, without her." he says.

"Ir Abelas, Da'len. That is my fault. They once trusted me completely, when I had betrayed them, it made them mistrust half elven again." I said. "But you didn't, if anything they betrayed you." he argues. I shrug. "I know, the past is the past." He says. We visit a nice dream from each of us before parting ways, promising again to speak in a week at our appointed day.

 **Time Skip (9:32 Dragon Firstfall)**

It has been one year, since I came Kirkwall. Jolie's wing had completely healed, months ago. But still she stayed with me. Following me, on jobs with Rilia, once she had forgiven me that is. "Phae, that bloody bird has been able to fly for months. Yet, she is still here. Why?" Rilia asks miffed once again that Jolie had tried to peck her for no reason.

"She wishes to stay. She knows she is not my pet, nor my prisoner." I said defensively. "That does not bother you, in the slightest?" she asks. "No, why would it. I enjoy her company. She enjoys mine." I said. "She is a bloody menace." Rilia says. "You only say that because she doesn't seem to like you." I said back.

"Exactly. Why does she not like me? She likes Isabela, and Bela wanted to make her a pet." She says pouting. "I have no control over who she likes, at least I got her to stop shitting on you every time you try to kiss Merrill." I said. "Jolie likes me because I give her treats and whisky." Isabela admits. "Bela!" I shout at her. "What? How else am I supposed to get her to deliver my messages?" She asks.

"Maker, Bela. What treats do you give her?" I asked. "I give her whisky, and you are worried what she eats?" Bela asks. "Whisky, just makes her sense of direction go wonky. Food, depending on what it is can make her sick." I said.

"Oh. Well, I give her seeds covered in honey." She says. "Oh, that is okay than. She just gets fat, but if she eats too many she won't be able to lift her body to fly." I said. The words 'won't be able to fly' grab Jolie's attention. I chuckle. "Didn't think about those consequences, did you?" I ask her, she looks away as if in shame.

"Phae, she is just a stupid bird. She doesn't understand what you are saying. Why do you talk to her like she is a person?" Rilia asks. "See, now that is why she does not like you. She is very smart. It would be like me telling you Demos is just a stupid dog and doesn't understand you. No offense Demos, I know it isn't true. I'm just trying to make a point." I respond to his little whimper.

"Jolie, is a messenger bird. She has to be smart and understand humans to know where the messages go." I said. "Ugh…Fine. I apologize for calling you stupid." Rilia says. Jolie narrows her eyes at her. "Good, now say it like you mean it." I said. She scoffs, and turns away. "No." she replies.

"I find it funny, that Rilia doesn't realize Jolie does like her. She just enjoys annoying her." Merrill says. "Shh… That's a secret." I reply, and we giggle. "Enough chatter back there, Demos heard something." Rilia hollers back then becomes silent. I whisper to Jolie. "Scout ahead, see what he heard. She took wing and flew off.

A few minutes passed, she flew back, something in her talons. She drops it into my hand. I approach Rilia and hand here the piece of jewelry. "Tal Vashoth Emblem, I believe." I whisper. "Maker, there are more of them?" She asks. "So, it would seem, plan of attack?" I asked. She snuck forward and peered over the rock wall.

She crouched back down. She whispers her plan of attack. As usual her plan goes well and before the rest of the Tal Vashoth even realize it, their mage is down. Even though the odds seemed against us, we persevered and gained victory. "Looting time!" Isabela and Rilia say with glee. Merrill and I just shrug and relax.

"Phae, do you still hear her songs?" Merrill asks me about my love. "I do. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. That she has not forgotten me is a double-edged sword. On one side, I feel happy that she still loves me. But on the other, I feel sad, because what if I am holding her back from her happiness?" I responded.

"Are you beginning to doubt if you two are meant to be?" Rilia asks sitting next to us, Isabela, joining her a minute later. "I do not doubt we are meant to be, our pasts have shown us that. What I doubt, is if we are meant to be again in this lifetime. It has been a year, and there hasn't even been a whisper of her looking for me." I replied.

"Perhaps, Leliana is still in deep cover, and she cannot yet." Rilia asks. It took her until six months ago to figure out who my betrothed was. "Perhaps." I said. "There is, no perhaps, sweet lips. That is more than likely the case. I still remember our time together. She was into our fun, but her first priority was always you. Even though, I am totally better looking than you. Not to mention, my tits and ass are bigger than yours in a good way." Bela teases.

I cannot help but laugh. "Don't laugh, I am completely serious." She pouts. This causes us to laugh harder. "Oh, Bela the only thing you have ever been truly serious about is my sister." Rilia says. "Not the only thing, just the most recent, and hopefully for a long time." She says smiling wistfully. "And we've lost her." Merrill comments.

We spend but a few more minutes just recovering before we move on to the next area of the wounded coast. "I had a thought Phae. It has been a year, maybe you could send a letter For Leliana, by way of the Dorothea?" Rilia asks. "I do not know if she would get it. I have considered it, but as I said, there is no knowing if she would even give it to her." I replied.

"If she supported your love and marriage, why would she not give Leliana the letter?" Merrill asks. "Maybe, she actually doesn't but does not want to tell either of us. Maybe, she is afraid Leli will leave her side. I do not know. I barely know Dorothea." I said. Jolie flaps her wings and holds out her leg.

"It would seem Jolie agrees to write to her." Rilia says. Hoping, I know, that I will write, and she can fly away. I sigh. "I will think about it." I reply, and this seemed to be acceptable, to everyone. My mind was occupied by the decision, I needed to make. _"What if I send her the letter and they chastise me for not trying to write sooner?"_ I thought.

"Phae! Incoming! On your left!" I deflect the spear easily. My mind had become a trap of what ifs and worries. _"How could I have waited so long? Will that make Leliana think I love her less, or worse, not at all?"_ I knew there was a battle around me, I just could not focus on it. So, I let my instincts guide me. I sent arcane shield in one direction, a crushing prison in another.

Now, fears came in to play. _"What if I send her the letter. Dorothea gives it to Leliana, and it makes her angry I didn't write sooner. What if it makes Leliana hate me? I can't survive that."_ I frantically thought, panic rising in me. I feel the air shift as if someone was rushing me. I don't look I just toss him.

My feet move on their own, I block an attack. I needed to leave, this place, and go to the house. I vaguely heard a voice in some language, Qunlet, I think. "Enough! Can't you fuckers see I am. In the. middle of a crisis here!" I wave my hands and quickly weave a fade spell to tear up their bodies with dozens of razor wires. "Anyone else!" I yell. The rest of the Tal Vashoth shake their heads and flee.

"What in the name of the Maker was that spell, was that blood magic?" Rilia asks concerned. "No? Yes? I don't know… I was angry and on auto pilot. I just wanted them gone, I want to go leave. Can we please leave now?" I ask almost pleading. My tears brimming. "Yeah, cousin we can. We are done here for now." Rilia says placing an arm around my waist.

Much to my satisfaction, we were not attacked once on the way back to Kirkwall. I didn't really want to talk yet, so, I curled up into a ball. Rilia wrapped the blankets around me and Merrill deposited Jolie on her perch. I heard them leave the room. Then, I heard whispers.

"What just happened Merrill, that was some crazy shit that just went down?" Rilia asks. "Ri, she can still hear you. All I will say, just because I know she needs to hear it too, that was not blood magic. I do not know what kind it was though." She says. I hear the door close.

"What magic did I just use? For real?" I asked the room. I had decided to travel the fade, I had known what Merrill was trying to do. I had, had panic attacks before. She had found that the best way for me to get through it was to give me something to investigate. I smiled and stepped into the fade.

To my dismay, I found no answer to these strange spells. I did find that, there were more spells as such. I had begun to theorize that these spells were where blood magic branched from. I still did not think blood magic was evil, but it was still dangerous. I suddenly felt this urge to not be alone right now. Unfortunately, it would be hours yet until Feynriel slept.

I sighed in my dreamscape. "Feeling lonely, little lost one?" A voice says. I turn to find a Human male resembling Calvin. "I am not lost. I know this part of the fade well. I presume you are supposed to be my father?" I ask. "I heard your heart's desire for companionship. So, I came. I thought seeing your father may comfort you." He says.

"I barely knew my parents, you can be the form you wish to be Compassion. My 'father' shifts into another form. I recognize it from the Gauntlet. Hessarian, the redeemed. "The one who with compassion ended Andraste's suffering." He nodded. "I am conflicted, but I do not wish to die. At least, not yet. I have many worries and fears." I said.

"Shall I change my form again?" he asks. "Do you intend on killing me?" I asked. He chuckles. "No, that would go against my purpose." He says. "They you need not change, unless you desire to." I said. "I am content with this form." He replies. The scenery shifts, and I see my love on the balcony at the palace in Denerim as a summer rain falls on her.

"Your soul's other half. I have seen her in your heart and you in hers. I watched over her, for a short time." He says. "When?" I ask. "Before she met you again. She was in the dungeons. I gave her comfort in dreams." He says.

I arch an eyebrow. He waves his hands in front of him. "No, not that sort of comfort. I pushed dreams of her soulmate to the surface. You, as you were at the time, and as you were in the past." He says. "Then how come she began to fall in love with Sasha?" I asked. "She could never remember your face clearly. The past you, sure. She would awaken and remember your heart, your inner nobility, your unfailing love and devotion." He says.

"Sasha and I do share those traits. Where my fears and worries are, is in writing a letter for and sending it to the Revered Mother, in hopes she will give it to her. But on the other hand, what if because I had not written sooner, Leli gets angry and ends up hating me?" I asked. "I would think you would rather know, than just assuming." He says.

"It does drive me crazier, not knowing." I said. "Well, the next question you should probably ask yourself. What should you write than?" he says. "I don't know. If I make it super personal and the letter is disrupted, then if Leli is still on her mission I could put her in danger." I said.

"My thought would be make her letter into a special code, only she would understand. Meanwhile, write a letter to Dorothea asking vaguely if it would be safe enough." He says. "Why did I not think of that? Rhetorical, I know it is because I let my panic take control of me." I said.

I knew my time was up in the Fade, I had a plan and needed to see it through. I bid him farewell and returned to my waking world.


	4. Chapter 4

**Back Track in time (Leliana POV)**

I watched my love sleep, the fire light glowing ethereally upon her face. She always looked so peaceful, especially in my arms. I felt my heart wrench, I hadn't even left her yet and I felt the impending loss and loneliness coming. She loves me, but I do not think even she can forgive me for what I am going to do.

If I could have told her everything Dorothea had told me in our many meetings, I would have. But when secrecy is needed, it must be maintained. Even if that means, keeping it from my soul. Dorothea, had assured me that seducing a mark would not be necessary. She had said breaking it off with her would not be necessary either. However, she could not travel with me.

I had argued that Phaedra was even more adept at hiding in shadows than myself. But she had made some fine points, quickly I saw the truth of her words. A bard must be prepared to do all that it takes to win over her mark and see the objective done. And that could very well mean, I would have to lay with another.

The very idea, made me sick, I did not want another to touch me so intimately. With my love I had gotten used to and enjoyed our nights together. After my imprisonment, the thought of another person invading my body made me sick and afraid. But, with her, I had learned to be intimate again. My scars did not detest her. She would always say; 'The scars give even more beauty to the whole piece.'

Looking upon my love, I wanted nothing more than to surrender myself to her again. It could potentially be our last time, in this lifetime. I knew if I were to leave tonight as Dorothea and I had planned, I could not make love to her again.

I knew she would wake when I got up. I also knew after our last time making love, she would be too tired and far less coherent to question my excuse too much. As predicted, she stirred but only slightly when I got up and put on a robe.

"Leli?" she asks her voice heavy with sleep. "Yes, mon amor?" I ask. "Are you going to another meeting?" she asks. The multiple meetings in secret hurt her still. I almost wished she would think I was being unfaithful. "No, ma vhenan. I am feeling a bit hungry. I was going to go to the kitchen and get some cider and a sweet roll. Would you like something?" I asked.

I knew her answer would be no, she never ate in the middle of the night. "No. (yawning) my love I am content. Please do not be long, it is so much colder without you next to me." Her words are barely discernable, but I would remember them for years to come, if not my whole life.

I had to fight the urge to break down, cry and tell my love all. I listened for her breathing and her quiet snores. This was my signal, it would be time to leave. Every moment after the first snore was harder and harder to bear. I had wanted to write her a note, but it hurt too much. What could I say. 'Sorry my love, but I must leave you. Please forgive me my betrayal.' There was nothing to say.

I had put the ring she had given me in an envelope, I was to give it to Dorothea, she would leave it for my love. I knelt and as quietly as possible lifted the lid of a chest, in our room. Marjolaine's recursive bow stared me in the face, mocking me. Since, Phaedra had given it to me, I had steadfastly refused to use the betrayer's bow.

I had to silence my weeping as I replaced the betrayer's bow with that of the one my love had made for me on my name day. I strung the betrayer's bow and slung it over my back. It seemed fitting to use this bow from now on. With one last look at my love, I left the room. In my mind, I felt like I had been ripped apart.

Once I got to Dorothea's private room, where all my supplies had been stashed, I changed, slung my pack and bow upon myself. She hugged me good bye, and I lost it then. My body began to convulse with my tears. She had apologized to me again. I nodded. "Make sure she gets this. I have no messages for her. Tell her whatever you wish." I said and through a secret passage way, I left.

My heart has broken every day since then. I have felt no joy, food and drink was ash again. Night was always the worst, it is when I missed her most. It is when I sang Suledin, and at times, I could have sworn I heard her sing it too. My hands absentmindedly clasp the ring returned to me, when I last checked in, and I remember the meeting, as I do her words that night.

"Phaedra, returned this to me. She said to make sure you got it and to tell you she loves you still and will wait for you." Dorothea says, and again my heart shatters. But, then fuses back together, and I touch the ring. I feel her in it. "How? How can she forgive me? I left her. I left her weeks before our wedding." I said.

"True love is rare. Soul love is even rarer. Your souls are connected, they will always be connected. You two will always love and find each other, no matter the lives you live. She knows, this hurts you as much as it hurts her. Hold on to that love, one day you two will be reunited again." She says to me.

Hesitant as I was before, if I must seduce every person in Thedas to see this task ended sooner. I would do so, I would hope she would forgive me for these transgressions too. As I would her. A fire becomes a raging inferno, I will do whatever it takes, to be with Phaedra again. And in this lifetime.

 **Time skip (Still Leliana's POV)**

As the next year closed out, the second without my love, my fire seemed to die. It was never ending; no sooner is one thing taken care of another took its place. "Where is that bloody menace of a bird?" I hear Cassandra Pentaghast grumble. "You tell me Cassandra, the last place I sent her was to you." I said back.

Cassandra and I had to work this mission together, and we could barely see eye to eye. Despite her lover being a mage, her attitude towards other mages have not changed much. I so badly wanted to yell at her, she had read the book about the Fifth Blight, she had said it was, 'So she could get a general idea of whom I was.'

I had argued, that no one in our camp had even added anything to it. The book was written by a chantry sister, who had heard of what we did, and a collection of interviews with other people. Though, somewhat accurate, there was so much more to it.

She had tried, in vain to get me to tell her the tale through my eyes, but I still could not bring up my Phaedra, without feeling pain and shame. "Cassandra, I know you want to know, about my time in the Blight, and maybe one day I can tell you. But, right now, I still can't." I said.

She sighed irritated. "Well, it's not like you are forthcoming about how you became the Hero of Orlais, through your eyes, or Regalyan." I countered. She scoffs. "Alright, I concede. When I am ready to tell you, I would hope you would be of the same mind." She says. "We shall see. For now, let us finish the task at hand.

As I looked to the setting sun on the Horizon, I felt another pang of loss. My favorite Raven had been missing for almost a year now. I could not help but wonder, would this be a trend now. I put all my love into something or someone and I lose them.

 **(Phaedra POV. 9:33 Dragon)**

I had waited patiently and anxiously for a letter from Dorothea, and my deepest hope, Leliana, for a year now. Rilia had reclaimed her ancestral home shortly after returning from the Deep Roads and even had work done on it. I still lived in the house in the Alienaged. A part of me, just did not care to move.

Mostly, I stayed because although Merrill was living part time with Rilia, she came to our house often enough. And honestly, I had nowhere else to go. I would travel with Rilia on occasion. Other times, I would visit Bethany, Cullen would always try to give us as much time as possible. He knew what I was, but he told no one. Which, was surprising to say the least.

I assume, Meredith was pleased with my work on their armor, two years ago, which I also continued to repair, on some occasions had replaced, when the sizes changed. Or else the time I spent with Bethany would be considerably less, and through the gates. But, she had allowed me on a couple of occasions to come into the Gallows. Despite my questionable associates.

It was on one of those occasions, when I was headed to my home and Bodahn had ran up to me. "Phaedra…" (huff huff) "Phaedra, there is a letter for you." he had said. "Breathe Bodahn, I get a lot of letters." I said my mind not putting it together. "Not like this…" he replied then realization hit me.

As stout as Bodahn was, I picked him up and ran for the estate. I crashed through the door. Aunty looks at me, disapprovingly. "I am sorry Aunty. I will fix it. I promise." I said. "You had better. Jolie, is being stubborn. As usual." She says pointing to the Raven currently on the chandelier.

I whistled once, after placing Bodahn down and putting on my glove. "Thank you." I said removing the message. She flew back over to the two dwarves, she had taken a liking to Sandal, as did Demos. I remembered Rufus had to.

I went into the library and sat in the chair lighting a lamp with the snap of a finger. I slowed my breathing and my heart. Hope was somewhat squashed when I saw it was a letter from Dorothea and only a letter from her. I began to read.

" _ **Phaedra,**_

 _ **I apologize for taking so long to return a letter to you. I was indecisive about it at first. But I have seen that bloody bird of yours way too much.**_

 _ **I have received hundreds of letters from your family and friends, in both Kirkwall and Ferelden. And I have had to endure numerous pecks on my hands and arms from your Raven. Plus, she is obnoxiously loud.**_

 _ **I was not sure how to inform you of the situation here. Too many eyes and ears.**_

 _ **First, I will say, she is alive, and mostly well. She has been going through some growth. She has missed you terribly these last two years.**_

 _ **Secondly, I have not given her your letters. I do not do this out of hatred. I do this to keep her safe. She cannot be distracted. It has taken her a year to be able to focus completely on her tasks. However, I give you my word, once it is safe, I will give her every letter.**_

 _ **Thirdly, I cannot tell you where she is or where she goes. But I can at least update you as she checks in. at least, let you know she is alive.**_

 _ **And finally, please stop sending your bird. Any messages, I have for you or from you can go through Grand Cleric Elthina. I trust her completely. Our messages won't get lost. I would however encourage you, do not send anymore, personal messages. I cannot read them, but that does not mean no one else can.**_

 _ **Maker be with you,**_

 _ **Revered Mother Dorothea**_

I felt a bit of relief, at least now, I knew she was ok. I did not like that Dorothea had asked me to stop sending letters to Leli though. But, I would accept it, if it kept her safe. I pulled out some parchment and ink. Dipping the quill, I began to think of what to write. In the end I simply wrote.

" _ **I accept your terms."**_

 _ **May the Maker and Creators be with you,**_

 _ **Lady Phaedra Amell.**_

I held out my gloved wrist. Jolie sat easily on my arm, and held out her leg. I stroked her wings. "I made a promise. No more trips to Valence for you." She ruffled her feathers and rubbed her head on my hand. I waved my hand and fixed the door, and said farewell, promising to be back for dinner.

It was still strange to me, to be made into nobility, and be referred to as Lady Amell. Leandra was also Lady Amell. But when we were together and being spoken to, by others outside of our family, she was Lady Amell and I was Mistress Amell.

"Lady Amell, it always a pleasure to see you." A chantry brother greeted me. "Brother Sebastian. How are you today?" I asked. "As well as I can be. Are you here to see the Grand Cleric?" he asks. "Possibly." I said. He walks with me, I can tell he wants something. Probably for me to bring a message to Rilia. "Brother, if you need something, just ask, skip the pleasantries." I said.

"I meant what I said, about seeing you. But, yes, there is something your cousin can help me with." He says. "Very well, the message please." I hold out my bird less hand. Phaedra had flown off to hunt before I entered the Chantry. Grinning like a school boy he hands me his message. I sigh and head to the Grand Cleric.

I bow to her. "Phaedra, I love seeing you here. I have never met anyone of Elven blood so devoted to the Maker." She says. "My love taught me of him, and I have found my own peace in him. I feel like The Maker connects us. I did try to stop coming, but the Chant always finds itself in my head." I said.

It was not so much as the Maker him/herself, but more of Leliana's voice reciting the chant. "I see Sebastian is continuing his pursuit of vengeance. I do wish he would just let it go." She says. I shrugged. "I am just the messenger." I said.

"I know, your cousin is the one whom encourages his pursuit." She says. I shrug again. "But that is not why you are here?" she asks. I shake my head and hand her my message. She takes it gently, a softness in her eyes.

"I had wondered when you would get her letter. I will make sure she gets it." She says. "Thank you Grand Cleric Elthina. I have abided by her request, no personal messages." I said sadness heavy in my heart. "How I wish it did not have to be this way. You have my sympathy." She says.

I nodded. "Thank you, Grand Cleric. These two years have been rough, but to know that I will at least know if my love is alright, helps." I said. "I hope you do not expect a monthly update, that may be too hard to manage." She says. "I do not. I remember, it sometimes took months for messages to get where they needed to be." I replied.

After asking and receiving a blessing from her, I went to Andraste's statue knelt at her stone feet and prayed. I prayed for strength, courage and patience. I prayed for Leliana's safety and protection. I nodded at the Grand Cleric and Brother Sebastian and left the Chantry.

It had been nearly four months since I first gave my note to Elthina. I kept busy with jobs and such. Some were with Rilia and the others, while others were just me. I tried not to be too bothersome to Elthina. Mostly, I went to the Chantry just to pray. I had not heard Leli's song it quite some time, I feared the worst.

I had been resting when I heard pounding on the door of my room I had rented again at the Hangedman. Merrill was staying with Rilia for the next few days, and I just could not sleep in that house, with that mirror still. Grabbing a robe Isabela insisted I had available, at all times, I clothed myself and answered the door. "Brother Sebastian, what brings you here?" I asked.

"Elthina sent me. There is a letter for you. I came to escort you. The Gangs have become more troublesome of late. I have had no run ins yet, but I figured you would not mind the extra bow." He says. "Your bow is welcome. I need to dress first." I said.

"I will wait for you downstairs." He said. I had considered sneaking off, but honestly, I could use the company. I had been much lonelier, without Feynriel visiting me. Even when I called out to him. I was slightly worried, I had sent a message through Rilia, to mother. She had said he was fine, he had explained to her that he had been furthering his dream walking, and could not hear me.

There were a few skirmishes on the way to the Chantry, but only in Hightown. I think we had eliminated the gang in Lowtown already. Once we entered the chantry we washed off what little blood had gotten on us from close quarters encounters. "Thank You, Brother." I said. "It's just Sebastian, Phaedra." He says.

I climbed the stairs and had gained permission to enter the Grand Cleric's room. "Grand Cleric?" I asked while my eyes adjusted, briefly worried this may be a set up. "I am here, give me a moment." I heard her say from behind the privy door. I sat in the chair across from hers at her desk. She comes out and washes her hands.

"Sorry, for the late hour." She says. "Do not worry Grand Cleric, when the letters come from her, I do not mind what hour it is." I replied. She hands me a sealed letter and a small package with it. I looked at her quizzically. She shook her head. I thanked her and left her room, so she could rest.

I figured Sebastian would want to escort me back, but I saw him praying and decided there was no hurry. Sitting in a pew, I opened the letter first the package catching my eye constantly.

" _ **Lady Amell,**_

 _ **I received your last letter, I apologize for the delay. Your love has just checked in, personally. She is resting now, she is exhausted but otherwise fine. I also regret to inform you in a couple of days she and the Right Hand of the Divine are needed elsewhere again.**_

 _ **As usual, I cannot say where or what they are doing. If you have not noticed already, a package was sent as well. I pray that it serves you well.**_

 _ **Go with the Light of the Maker,**_

 _ **Revered Mother Dorothea.**_

I opened the package curious as to what this gift would be. It was an amulet, the sunburst etched on the front. I could feel magic running through it. I turned it over to an engraved message. It said; 'Time and distance may physically separate us, but our hearts beat the same'. I was a tad confused. A small note was attached.

" _ **She had this made and enchanted for you. Two years ago. As a wedding gift. It had been misplaced. We just received it." D**_. The enchantment on it, seemed to be a protection spell. I felt my heart stutter and swell. I had doubted countless times if she wished to be tied to me as my wife.

Regardless, of the knowledge of our past lives. She still wanted to marry me. It seemed silly now, as I held the amulet kissing it and cupping it with my hands. It was silly to ever doubt her love for me. Tears began to slide down my face, a mixture of sadness and joy.

"Phaedra, are you ready to go?" Sebastian asks me. "I think, I would like to stay here for the night." I said. "Very well. Let's find you a bed then." he says holding his hand out to me. I put the amulet on. It fell right over my heart. I could feel the warmth of her love and the enchantment on it, and for the first time, I felt lighter. The sorrow had lifted, for now.

The next day found me traipsing through a sewer with Anders, Varric, and Rilia. "So, we are looking for this Ser Alrik?" I asked. "Yes. I need to find evidence of his Tranquil Solution. You stayed at the Chantry last night." Anders tells me.

"And your point is?" I asked. "The Chantry has probably approved his solution. You would not happen to know anything of it?" He asks suspiciously. "I have not even heard of Ser Alrik, nor this tranquil solution." I said.

"Then why were you there?" He asks. "My business is my own, if I felt it needed to be shared I would have. For the record Grand Cleric would not approve of Ser Alrik's solution. She is a lot more sympathetic to the Mages than you believe." I said.

"Then why has she remained neutral?" he asks. "Because she has no choice. Not all mages are miserable in all the circles. Templars are not all bad. I know a few whom are good. Just like every mage is not good or innocent. I have known a few whom weren't." I said.

He stopped and started in on Rilia. "And you, I have tried to hold my tongue, but hearing about the Eluvian… Merrill won't ever choose you over blood magic. She is just going to hurt you." He says. Rilia and I smack him. "You do not speak of my betrothed like that. I love her, she loves me." Rilia says.

He rubs his cheek. "She is a blood mage." He says as if that was enough of a reason to cast her out. "And you are considered an abomination. Does that mean you are out to kill us?" I asked him back. "No. But this is different." He says. "I see no difference in what Phae said." Rilia says.

He goes silent and nods. We continue to go through the smuggler's caves. "Lyrium Smugglers. Sure. Let's add to the already dangerous situation." Rilia says. I began walking next to Anders. "What Phaedra? Would you like to strike me again?" he asks.

I sighed. "No, Anders. But that was earned. What happened to you while you were in the Circle. Why do you hate them so much?" I asked. "They never really did anything to me, several of my friends. My lover. You heard about Karl, yes?" he asked. I nodded.

"So, nothing happened to you personally, besides your freedom being taken?" I asked. "No. But all of the mages whom suffer, they are too afraid to speak up. I speak for them. I want justice seen, for them and my friends and Karl." He said.

"Anders, are you sure it is Justice you want, or is it Vengeance?" I ask. He looked at me strangely. "Justice can easily become Vengeance, if the hatred and anger in one's heart is too great." I said.

He shrugs. "I am in control as is Justice, we seek the same goals. Freedom for mages. Can you not say, you prefer freedom over imprisonment?" He asks me. "Who doesn't. I am no different. But again, I am trying to bring it to your attention. Freedom is good, but Civil War is not. I have helped you many times free mages through the underground." I said.

"Then I still do not get why you won't help me more. Or see my point. The Templars will never let us go." He says. "I helped those mages, because they wanted to be free. And I did not see how it could cause war for a few to go through." I said.

We were silent a few moments. I wondered if he was aware of how many Blood Mages his underground freed. "Anders, you say you want freedom for all mages. Does that include Blood Mages?" I asked. He stops in his tracks. He begins to walk again, he has no words. "They are mages, just like the others, do they not deserve freedom?" I ask.

"I want to say yes, but Blood Mages, are evil and dangerous. Look at how many blood mages we have to kill." He says. "Dangerous or not, they are still mages whom desire freedom. They believe that is the only way. But, they go too far and innocent people, are caught in the crossfire." I said.

He sighs frustrated. "Make your point already, Phaedra." He says. "You will not like it, but as you wish. You think a revolution is right, because there is no other way. Blood Mages, abuse Blood Magic because they see no other way. Both cause the innocents to suffer" I said.

"You dare compare me to a Blood Mage? I have used my powers to heal and aide others. Blood Magic does not heal, it only harms and kills." He says. "You know nothing of what true blood magic is. Like all magic it is not inherently evil. The wielder makes it so." I said.

"You are no Blood Mage, what do you know?" he asks. "Neither are you, but what I am, is an Arcane Mage. I have studied and understand every magic known to man and spirit. You have been on jobs with Merrill. Did her magic ever kill someone whom was not trying to kill us?" I asked.

"Well, no, but the possibility is still there." He says. "I agree, but would it distress you to know that Merrill puts her life in jeopardy, by using her own blood, to help carry you through hard battles?" I asked. "She does?" he asks. "Yes, when she is with us on jobs, does your magic not feel stronger?" I ask him. He nods.

"That is because she allows herself to grow weaker, so all of us are stronger." I said. He sighs. "Maybe, Merrill isn't as evil as I thought, but she did make pacts with Demons." He says. "I do not deny that, nor do I approve of it, but it does not make me hate her. Just as you allowed a spirit to possess you and move through you does not make me hate you. By the way, I do not approve of that either." I said.

"Are you sure you do not hate me? Because, I can't always tell." He says. "I do not hate you. I hate that you disregard other's lives in pursuit of your own goals." I said. "I do not!" he shouts. "Oh, so if a good man like Cullen, or Thrask, were to be killed due to your actions, you would feel guilty." I stated.

"They are Templars. Phae." He says. "They are still good men. Rilia is learning the Templar arts, is she a bad person because of it?" I ask. "No, no of course not. She understands the Mages plight, she helps me work to free them." He says.

"Thrask, made sure those Mages from Stark Haven had the opportunity to escape. Cullen has never turned you, Merrill or me in and he knows we are mages. He has stopped several Templars trying to abuse their power." I said.

"Okay, so they are both good men, even if they are Templars." He says. "You have made a good point. I will try to find another way. If there is one." He says. "Good Enough for me." I said. Our conversation had just finished by the time we found Alrik and his followers.

"Be a good lass now, once you are made tranquil, you will do whatever we want." He says to the mage. His eyes leering and a bulge growing in his pants. I feel the shifting air. "Get your hands off her!" Rilia shouts. The violent shift pulls at me and Justice has taken over. I could feel the anger and hatred burning brightly from him.

When Alrik falls, Justice is still in control, still just as angry. "Anders Stop! That girl is a mage. We rescued her from being made tranquil." Rilia says. "She is one of theirs, I can feel it." Justice says. "She is the reason you are fighting Anders. Do not turn on her now." I add my voice to the mix.

I do not know if it was our words that reached him or the girl begging for mercy. But as Justice raises his hand to strike her down. "I will have my Vengeance! I feel Anders fighting for the surface. The light in his eyes shimmers into Anders eyes, back to Justice and finally Anders gains control.

"Maker! No! I almost… if you weren't here… I would have… I need to get out of here." He says. he rushes out of the caves. "Well, this does not bode well. What are we supposed to do about Blondie? This cannot be good." Varric says. "No, it isn't." Rilia sighs, then continues. "It would help, if I knew what almost happened."

"His anger was to strong. Justice became Vengeance." I said. "Is he an abomination, now? How dangerous is he?" Rilia asks me. "He is no more dangerous than he was before, if he can stay in control. As far as an abomination, I do not know." I answered.

Once we entered Kirkwall proper, Varric and I headed to the Hangedman. Seeing, what we saw, a drink was needed. "What do you think Hawke will do?" Varric asks. "I hope she can talk to him, I may not agree with his ideals completely. But Kirkwall's clinic is needed." I said.

We drank for a couple of hours before Rilia and Anders joined us. "Are you staying Blondie?" Varric asks. "Yes. Rilia and I have come to an agreement. I won't be joining you guys on jobs as much, but I will remain at my clinic if I am needed." He said.

"And Justice?" Varric asks. "Unfortunately, we are still sharing my body, but I am going to begin looking for a way to separate us." He says. We hand him a pint. "We will help you as much as we can, with that." I said to him. He nods in agreement, though we are still worried, we welcome him with open arms.


	5. Chapter 5

**(9:34 Dragon Wintermarch)**

A banging on our door woke me. "Arianni?" I asked through bleary eyes. "Oh, Phaedra thank the creators you are home. Feynriel is in danger. We need help." She says desperately. I calm the frantic elf as best as possible. I whistle for Jolie and quickly attach a note. "Take this to Rilia. This is urgent, do not give any of them any trouble receiving it." The bird nods and flies off.

I spent the next hour with Arianni, keeping her calm, and asking her everything Rilia would need to know. "Cousin!" I hear her shout. "Are you ok?" I asked. "Yeah almost finished with that gang in Hightown. We have learned where their hideout is. What was so urgent?" she asks.

I explained about Feynriel and what had happened. "Okay, so he is trapped in his nightmare. How do we get him out?" She asks. I look to Arianni, but before she can speak, I feel a comforting presence. The scent of Mamae's perfume hitting my nose. "Keeper." Merrill whispers and moves closer and slightly behind Rilia.

"Mamae." I bow to her. She returns the bow and presses her hand to one cheek and kisses the other. "I am very happy to see you my child. I just wish it could have been under better circumstances." She says. "As do I. But, you are here to help Feynriel, you and I can wait." I said genuinely worried for my friend, maybe he was more like my younger brother, at least to me.

She explains about a ritual, and its inherent dangers. They would be placed in the Fade. From what I understand, it was like the Harrowing Ritual Wynne once explained to me. Only in this case, the goal is to resist demons, free, and wake Feynriel. "You need to decide, who will join you. They should have a strong will, and not easily tempted." Mamae warns.

I can see Rilia cycling through her companions in her head. "I will go. I know the Fade, and its dangers. Feynriel is like a brother to me." I voice, she nods. "I had already planned on you going. I was just trying to figure out whom else to take." She says.

"I wouldn't mind seeing the Fade, I have never been there before." Merrill says. "No. I love you, but I will not send you in there." Rilia says instantly. "Isabela, you have done remarkably well at not being tempted by other potential lovers. I think you should come." She says. Isabela shrugs and stands next to me.

Merrill seems irritated and pushes away from Rilia and glares at her, tapping her foot in irritation and anger. "No. You can be mad at me. I will not put you at risk there." Rilia says. "You think I will give in, don't you?" She asks with hurt in her voice. "Not at all. I just don't know what to expect in there. I don't know if I can protect you well enough." Rilia admits.

"I am not babe to swaddled and coddled. I can protect myself." She argues back. "The more you argue, the more in danger Feynriel is." I supplied. Rilia sighs. "Fine. Let's go." The keeper waves us over. She seems worried for Merrill to go, but accepts the decision.

Mamae steals Rilia momentarily. I only manage to hear my cousin's response. "I understand. I will see it done." I had been curious, but I could wait until she shared. Once we were in the Fade, it felt strange to me. I could not figure out why, but it just felt, wrong.

"What a horrible place this is. Where are we?" Merrill asks. "The Gallows, where the Mages live." Rilia, Isabela, and I said together. "I am starting to rethink my insistence on coming." Merrill says. A shiver runs up her spine. Rilia puts an arm around her. "A little late for that my love." She says nuzzling her neck.

"Alright Phaedra, can you help us find him, I really don't want us to get lost in here." Rilia says. I nod. I close my eyes, sending feelers out in this strange place. I open my furrowing my brow. "This is confusing." I said. "What?" Rilia asks. "It appears there are two of him here. Or maybe it is his deepest dreams." I reply.

I lead them to the first room. We come face to face with a boy version of Feynriel, his father teaching him to write. "What do we do?" Isabela asks. "Rilia, you should speak to him, he'll listen to you." Merrill suggests. "Feynriel…" She starts. The small boy looks at her, then at me. "Phaedra?" he asks. I feel a nudge to go forward.

I look down and my body looks different. "Feynriel…" My voice is different. It is Arianni's. I am reminded of speaking to companions in the fade years ago. Where my love and I began. I spoke to him, my heart leading the words. It reaches him, and he escapes his desires. Lo and Behold a desire demon. Her eyes are intently staring at me.

Smoke fogs my vision my heart squeezes, stops, I can barely breathe. My Leli is before me. In a risqué outfit I had wanted to see her in for years. The sheer light blue, see through bra and loin cloth that barely hid her sex. "Oh my…" I heard my three companions says.

She opens her mouth to speak. "Phaedra, mon ange, do you not wish to be with me again. Touch me, let us taste each other again." The demon says. "More than anything, if you were actually her." I wave my hand and her true form appears.

"You have nothing I want, demon." I said shakily. She turns her attention to Isabela. A promised boat and nights of pleasure, turns Isabela against us. The battle is short lived, as I go straight for the Demon. We fight a bit, she tries to throw me off with my loves voice. "Enough!" I said. Hands shoot from the sky grip the desire demon and my hands squeeze and rip her apart.

We leave the room, Isabela gone, it was just us three. The next room is across the courtyard, but another demon prevents us from going there right away. It was a quick and easy fight with a rage demon. Then we are in the next room with Feynriel, a vision of Mamae speaking to him.

I speak to him again, this time wearing the guise of First Enchanter Orsino. As before it reaches him, and he disappears. A pride Demon stands were Mamae used to. He does not bother talking to me, he speaks to Merrill. "Merrill, please, don't do this." Rilia pleads. "I am sorry, my love but I cannot put you above my people." Merrill responds and attacks us.

"Go after the Demon, cousin. I can handle Merrill." I said. Shielding us from her attack. Rilia nods at me and me and chases after the Pride Demon. "I never thought, I would have to do this Da'len." I said to her, I snuffled, holding back tears and moved into her personal space, with my dagger, mercifully, I ended her dream form.

I fell to my knees, and began to weep. Rilia embraces me. "I know it was not her actual form, but still… I'm so sorry." I said. "I know cousin. I hold no anger towards you. I do not think I could have done as you did." She says. "There may come a time, where you might have to." I said.

She sighs. "I know. It is my hope that day never comes. But if it does I pray to the Maker, I cannot see or feel any more of my Merrill in the abomination." She says sadly. We stand and try to lighten the mood. "That desire demon, just wow… and that outfit…" she wolf-whistled. I blushed. "It took that from my mind, I was momentarily distracted and had my defenses down." I said.

"Damn cousin, and I thought I had a naughty mind. I mean, I like thinking about Merrill being naked. I just have never imagined dressing her up. Though, I may from now on." She says. She seemed to go into a daze. "You had damn well better be thinking about Merrill, and not Leliana." I said sternly. "I am trying not to, especially not a naked Merrill and Leliana, tasting each other." She says some drool comes down.

I briefly imagine the same scenario. Then I imagine myself tied up as they take turn sitting on my face. I shake my head, and elbow Rilia. She shakes out of it too. "We should probably focus on saving Feynriel." I said. "Absolutely. I may need alone time with Merrill. Can you stay somewhere else?" she asks her cheeks blushing eyes still glazed with lust.

"Yeah, I will be at the Chantry. Praying for my urges to come back into control." I said. We caught up to Feynriel in the courtyard. "Phaedra. It seems, I owe your family twice now for my life." He said. "Nonsense, you owe us nothing. It was the right thing to do. How are you feeling now?" Rilia asks. "Better, like the Fade feels different, I can see each thread and stitch clearly now." he says. "Feynriel, what happened? Last we saw each other here, you were able to navigate better than myself." I said.

"I… was trying to find her for you." He admits. "Andraste have mercy, why? I warned you it could be dangerous." I said. "You have been more than a friend to me, I see you as a surrogate older sister. You worked so hard with me, teaching me, sharing your life with me. I wanted to do something for you." he says.

"Oh Feynriel, I do appreciate it, but your company was enough. I too came to see you as a surrogate younger brother." I said. "Thank you, for that. It means a lot to me." He says. He looked as though he had something else to say, but wasn't sure he should. "Is there something else, you needed to say?" I asked.

"I do not know if I should, I do not want to cause you pain." He says. "Why do you think what you want to say will hurt?" I asked. "I… I umm… Well, I found her, briefly. She is or was in Orlais. But, she wasn't alone." He says. "She does have people she travels with… oh you meant…" I said finding it hard to voice it. He nods. "It seemed, intimate." He says.

"Can you show me?" I asked, but I wasn't sure I wanted to see it. "I can. But do you want to, for sure?" he asks. "No, I am not sure, but I need to see Feynriel." I said. He sighs. "Tell my mother good bye for me. I will be going to Tevinter to master my powers." Rilia nods and fades away. He uses his hands and creates a path.

When we get to her, we are observers first. I see a man in his small clothes. His hands tied to the bed. A door to his left opens and I end up in his eyes. I see my Leliana, walking towards me swaying her hips seductively. I can feel the tightness of my clothing as I harden.

My eyes follow my love, through this stranger's eyes. I can feel her touch, as if it were on my body and not this man's. She straddles him/me. Her hand caresses my chest, her face moves slowly to my ear. The ghost of her lips. "No more Feynriel." I feel like my middle is yanked away. "Please, no more…" I began to cry.

Feynriel puts his arm around my shoulder and middle. "You saw further than I did, I left when she came out. Then, that is when I ended up trapped in my dreams. I am sorry Phaedra." He says. I control my tears and sobs long enough to respond. "It is not your doing. I asked to go there." I said. "What will you do?" he asks. "Cry a bit more. Think things through." I said. He nods and sets me on the path out.

Immediately after returning, I excuse myself and leave the house Arianni had used. My eyes set on Merrill's and my house. I run for it and disappear before anyone can say anything. I sat on the ground in front of the fireplace and allowed myself to sob and weep harder.

Time seemed to slip by. I hear the door and look to it expecting Merrill or Rilia. I was surprised it was Marethari. "What happened Da'len? I have not seen you this heartbroken since that day, I exiled you." She says. I explain what I saw. "You said she was a bard, no? Are there not times when seduction is required to achieve the task?" she asks.

"Yes, but this, it seemed like she was looking forward to it. Like she wanted to." I said. "Perhaps, you are not seeing it as it is. Bard's must lie, and act the part. You told me this. The mark needs to believe whatever the situation, that it is real." She says.

"Perhaps, but I do not think it is wise for me to study it too much right now. perhaps, when I have calmed down. I can figure it out." I said. "There is my girl. Things are not as they always appear. You know this, and the Fade, is full of tricks, lies and traps. Do not let it snare you." She comforts me, I cry a bit more.

Sadly, she must leave far sooner than I liked, but a Keeper's work was never done. I waved good bye to her. I needed air. I open the door and find Merrill waiting, her eyes avoiding Rilia. She slips in behind me, shuts and locks the door. I shake my head and walk up to Rilia. "She wouldn't talk to me." My cousin says sadly. "You have a key, do you not?" I asked.

"She locked the door, does that not mean she wishes to not speak to me. I am not even angry at her." She says. "Merrill is angry and ashamed of herself. Go talk to her anyways. She won't hurt you." I said. Rilia nods takes a deep breath and snatches my key. "I lost mine." She says. I shrugged, I was still planning on going to the Chantry.

I knew that the gang in Hightown was pretty much removed, except their base. A part of me wanted to fight, while the other just wanted to be left alone. I chose to become a shadow and avoid conflict. I was not in complete control of my emotions. I could potentially do more damage than is necessary.

I didn't even want to speak to the guards. I threw a bottle and they followed the sound. I held onto my invisibility until I had entered the Chantry. My eyes never moved from the chantry banner, when I got almost close enough to touch it, I sunk to my knees.

"Oh, sweet Maker guide me, ease this pain in my heart and soul. I ask for clarity. What did I truly see?" I prayed, and began chanting the same prayer over and over. I placed my hand over the amulet she got for me. My other hand covered that one, I could feel the smoothness of my ring. My prayer continued until my knees and legs had fallen asleep, and I had fallen on my side.

I felt my body being lifted. Familiar white shiny armor glinting in my eyes. Bela and Merrill were right, it is almost blinding. "Sebastian." I said. "Hello Phaedra. I thought you had fallen asleep, I can put you down now if you want." He says stopping. "No, it is okay, my legs and feet feel like they're on pins and needles." I said.

"I can imagine, you have been kneeling and praying for three hours now." he said. "Sebastian. Have you ever seen something, you didn't want to see but needed to?" I asked. "What an odd question, but I think almost everyone has. You seem troubled. May I offer my ear and shoulder to you?" he asks. I chuckle. "Now that, truly is an odd question. If you think of it in the literal sense." I said. He chuckles too.

"Good thing I mean it figuratively then." He responds setting me down in a chair. I hiss through my teeth as my blood freely travels back to my feet. "You and I have never gotten very personal, but if talk to you about this now, we will." I said. "I am good with being more personal with you. I will get us some tea and food." He says.

I had been getting up and down, hissing through pain, gripping on to solid objects as my lower half went through a couple more numbing and prickling phases. By the time he had returned, I was back to normal feelings in my body. He sat down the tray of tea. "Ready to talk about yourself?" He asked. I nodded.

I kept her name to myself, because regardless if she had moved on or not, I still wanted to protect her. I explained what I saw. "My love is one of those special Bards, you know of them, right?" I asked. "You mean spies, yes I know of them." He says. "Knowing she is one of these, I wonder if she had moved on or, if that was ploy to learn what she needed to know." I explain my state of mind.

"So, you thought to pray for an answer. Why?" he asks. "If she has moved on, it hurts, but if she is happy, then I am happy for her. It provides closure, allowing to move on if the time comes again. If she is doing just to find her information, it hurts less." I said.

"But, you have told me, that you two are not together. I just do not understand, why this would bother you so much. She does not belong to you, nor you to her. You also told me that. If she, or you wished to find another, you are both free to do so. That was the point of her leaving, was it not?" he asks.

"Yes, but to me our relationship feels unfinished. That is the problem. If she had written a note, saying we were done, I would not feel as I do, at least I do not think I would." I said. Feeling confused now. "Phaedra, I consider us friends, but all this confusion and frustration is of your own make." He says.

I try to speak he holds up his hand. "Listen to me, please. She left her ring, did not explain anything. You could have accepted it as breaking up. But you chose to see it as just a break, and getting back together later down the road." He says.

He did have a point. "You may understand what she might have to do, you defend her and say she if free to do as she wishes. Yet, you choose not to give yourself the same freedom." He says. Also, a fair point. He points to the ring on my finger and my amulet. "You choose to still wear the promise ring as if you two are to be wed very soon." I twisted the ring.

"I understand the amulet has a protection spell, but I know Sandal can make the same spell as a rune. Which, you could attach to anything you wear. But, you choose to wear the amulet instead." He says. By the Maker, he was making all fine points. "You chose to see that memory or dream, whatever it was. You say you needed to, but did you really?" he says.

"But, Her and I have always been together. We belong together." I said. "If that is the truth, then you will be." He says. "You have chosen to give her all the freedom of a single person, and not give yourself the same. In all honesty, does the fact she may have slept with another, ruin you taking her back?" he asks.

"No, never. Whatever or whomever she may have done before we get together, is not important. Only what we do after we get together." I said. "Does your love not see it the same way? You have been intimate, with others before your love and you got together. You two even got intimate while in a relationship with each other. Isabela still boasts about that." he says.

"I believe she looks at it the same way, or at least she did, years ago." I said. "If that is true, you two are not together now. Give yourself the same freedoms you have given her." he says. "What if while we are not together we fall for others?" I ask. "Then either you stay with the one you are with, or leave them for each other." He says,

I grin. "There is another option, we stay with the ones we are with but add the other and their partner to the mix." I said. Sebastian blushes a deep crimson. "That would be up to you two and your lovers." He says clearing his throat, then excuses himself for the evening.

There was wisdom in what he said, I just could not believe it had taken me so long to realize it. I was the maker of my own prison. I do not hold Leliana to the standard of being faithful, nor do I think she would hold me to that standard either. But, I did say I would wait for her. I tapped the corner of my mouth. Something, I had picked up from Leli.

I spent about an hour thinking before I grew too tired from arguing and talking circles with myself. I would not get an answer tonight, I had time. I did not have to make any final decisions about that part of my life yet. The only things I had decided was to add my ring to the amulet's chain, and take each day as it came.

When I woke the next day, I still had the positive outlook. I also felt freer, this did not mean I went to the Blooming Rose and sated myself with whores. But, it did mean, that if I felt the need to have sex with another, I would. There was a spring in my step as I headed to estate.

I greeted Leandra with a more animated and cheerful demeanor. "Oh, someone is in a good mood." She commented as I set the table for tea whistling a happy tune. "Yes, Aunty, but I should say you have been in a better mood lately too." I said. She chuckles. "I guess this is where we should share, why our moods have improved." She says.

"I saw the flowers Aunty, you have a suitor, don't you?" I asked. "I believe so. He writes the most romantic letters and I love talking to him. What about you, a new love?" she asks. "No. Just an open mind, if it does happen." I said. "Really?" She asks. "Yes. After we saved Feynriel from his night terrors, I went to the Chantry." I said.

"Maker do not tell me you have set your eyes on that chantry priest, Sebastian." She says her mouth covered by her hand. "What!? No Aunty. We are just friends. Besides he has made vows of chastity. I did however, have a nice conversation with him. It made me realize a few things." I said.

I went into the explanation and our conversation, and the epiphany I had. "It took you two and half years to finally learn this. You definitely have the Amell stubbornness." She teases and we both laugh. "Well, this is not something I expected to see, my cousin is genuinely happy. I can see it in your eyes. What have I missed?" Rilia joins us. We pretend not to see the myriad of marks, scratches and bruised flesh on her neck.

"Wait, so someone is courting my mother, and my cousin is at least open to the idea of being with another? When did this happen?" She asks. "It has been a couple of weeks for me darling." Aunty says. "Last night the idea, this morning the decision to be more open to it. I am not saying I am ready to move on completely, so do not start trying to set me up, either of you." I told them seriously.

"Alright, we promise, for now." They said. We began to enjoy the rest of our lunch, chatting, joking, and laughing. I felt so much lighter. "So, cousin, it would appear you and Merrill are okay?" I ask her teasingly. I nudge her shoulder and her face turns scarlet.

"Yeah, yeah cousin, just you wait. I will get you back once you start having marks too." She says. I cock an eyebrow. "Threaten me with a good time why don't you." I respond. "You take all the fun out mirthful revenge." Rilia comments.

"So, what is next for us cousin?" I asked her. "I haven't the foggiest." She replies. I shrug, we finish our lunch and go our separate ways. I pass by the Blooming Rose, I wasn't sure why, I felt no need for sex. It wasn't even the easiest or quickest way to Lowtown. I shrugged my shoulders exhaled and entered the building.

I sought out Madame Lusine. "Hello beautiful, wait I think I know who you are. Isabela described you perfectly. You are Phaedra, have you finally come to make use of her gifts?" She asks. "Maker." I said under my breath. A little louder I said to the Madame. "She really did pay for a night in the Rose for me…" I said. "Three nights to be exact, our premium services too." She replies.

I sighed. I really wasn't in the mood, but an interesting elf caught my eyes. And of course, Lusine noticed. "Ah, yes Serendipity, she is quite marvelous, at least from what I heard." Lusine says. I just kept looking at her. Lusine capitalized on this. "She is available tonight. If you would like to get to know her." I found myself nodding.

"Serendipity. You have a customer." She says. "Huh?" I said confused, but then I am whisked away by a woman whom is stronger than she looks. "Umm… hi…" I said awkwardly. "Hello gorgeous." She replies in a deep voice. I was stunned, was she in fact a he?

"Gorgeous… Helloo?" she/he asks. I kept thinking; _"Was it rude to ask her sex?"_ I feel her touch my cheek, her hands seemed mannish, but soft. I look at her throat closely, trying to find that lump that says if she is a him. "Trying to figure me out, or imagining slitting my throat?" Serendipity asks.

"The first one. I am sorry, I did not mean to be rude." I reply. "Let me make it easier for you." She replies. Her dress falls and before me in her glory, was a cock between the legs, but breasts as fine as most women. I was now, very curious. Who was she?

She takes my hand and places it on her breast. They felt real. I squeezed experimentally, she made the normal reaction, or she could be pretending. My lips, seemingly of their own accord encircle one and I swirl my tongue. I feel her hands in my hair, she wants more. I oblige, but this sends my desires spiraling. It had been far too long.

I hesitated at her cock. What should I do? I was very curious about what a cock felt like though, this was new to me. I stroke the semi hard member, it becomes harder. She tenses at the touch. "I'm sorry did I hurt you?" I asked. "No, it felt good. Have you never been with a man?" she asked. I shook my head. "Are you a virgin then?" She asks. I shake my head. "Women then?" I nod.

"I see, touch me as you will, but remember there is a time limit. One hour." She says. My experimenting gets braver, hands, become breasts than becomes my mouth. She shudders pleasantly in my mouth. "I am about to…" She strains out, I move my mouth off her just in time for her to cum. It lands on my face and in my hair. I take a small lick. The flavor was not something I liked, but I conceal that.

She travels down my body. I feel her tongue flick my center, I shiver. "How much time is left?" I strain out between her ministrations to my sex. "Plenty enough for me to return the favor." She says wickedly. An unexpected gasp escapes my mouth as she begins to work her gifted tongue. When I cum, it feels good, but not like with Leliana or even Merrill.

Serendipity leaves and I find a basin and am still reeling about what just happened. "Did _I_ really just do that? What, how did that even happen. I wasn't aroused when I came in?" I ask the empty room in disbelief. I do my best to wash of the sticky residue from myself and Serendipity's orgasm.

I am still stunned at what I had just done. It did not physically feel wrong, it was just unexpected. I merely went in to conquer the awkwardness I had felt before, but I left having had an experience. I honestly, had not thought I was ready for even casual sex.

When I saw Isabela, she had self-pleased grin on her face. "Isabela, why are you so smug?" I asked, though I was almost sure why. "Madame Lusine, contacted me, it would seem that I have lost 2 sovereigns." She says.

"It was not intentional. I just went in to look around, and one thing after another happened." I said. "I have got to say, I am shocked though, I figured you would at least go for the elven women, since no human females are free usually." She says. She whistles. "But a man, that is unexpected." She says.

"What?" I ask. "Darling you still have cum in your hair." She responds. I make a disgusted face. "I need a shower." I respond. "I am not judging by any means, I have enjoyed men on a few occasions." She says. "Bela, I am not sure if I was with a man or a woman. I am seriously confused right now." I reply. "Ah, Serendipity. She threw me for a loop too." Bela admits.

I look at her my eyes narrowing and glaring at her. "It was before I met Bethany, or my ship crashed. I have been to Kirkwall before." She says. I shrugged. "So, how was it?" she asks. "Strange, but not unpleasant though I do not like the taste of this stuff." I said squeezing the goop in my hair.

"I will say a woman's fluid of desire does indeed taste better. I do not mind men's fluid, if I am in the mood for it." She says. "Ewww… you willingly swallow this stuff." I cringed again. She shrugs. "As I said, when I was in the mood for a male." She replies. She follows me to my house, gratefully hiding my current state from any prying eyes.

She comes inside, and stands outside the blanket covered entrance to the bath. "Bela, you remember our night, together right?" I asked. "Uhhuh, I still brag about it occasionally. Why do you ask?" she asks me. "Do you remember how Leliana and I tasted?" I asked, soaping my hair up again.

"Oh, yes… You tasted like the sweetest wine with honey in it. Leliana tasted like fruit dipped in chocolate." She says. "Leli did like her chocolate." I remembered fondly how often I would bring her the chocolates she so loved, and every sound of bliss while she ate them too.

"Do you feel guilty, about Serendipity?" She asks. "Not really, I mostly feel confused about how we got where we did. When I went in there, I had zero desire for sex." I said. "From what you told me, you did not have sex, not really." She says. "True, there was no penetration at all. No fingers, no tongue, and definitely not her cock." I said.

"But you had fun, right? Reached climax?" she asks. "I did." I said. "Was she better than me?" Isabela asks. "No. The only person who is better at sex than you is, Leliana. You and Merrill are about even." I said. "Really, Kitten?" She asks. "She was remarkably adept at it for never having sex before. Only Rilia knows how she is now." I said.

"Well, I will not be asking Rilia, like ever. But, you enjoyed yourself. You do not feel guilty or that you betrayed Leliana. So, my question is, will you be seeing Serendipity again?" She asks. "I have no idea, but I may try the Elven females, if there is a next time." I said. "Oh, there will be." Isabela smugly says and sashays out of my house.


	6. Chapter 6

**Nope still don't own Dragon Age. Bioware owned**

* * *

 **(9:34 Dragon, Justinian.)**

I hated when Isabela was right, after my first night in the Rose, it was a mere two weeks when I found myself again inside the brothel. I did in fact try the Elven Female prostitutes, I had arranged with Lusine that one of my premium services be split in two.

Two weeks again, and I had paid 50 silvers, just to see what was different. The Elven Female washes her fingers, as I fastened my pants after her fingers rubbed me to completion. I still avoided the men, though I had become curious about male parts on different races, other than the Qunari. I was more than happy to never see that kind of monstrocity again.

Every two weeks, became every two days, that I had visited the Rose. It had become the ninth month of this year, Kingsway. I did try and see Serendipity again too, but she had been booked solidly every time I had inquired about her. "You are quite fascinated by our Serendipity, aren't you?" Madame Lusine asks after my last standard service package we had agreed on. I shrug.

"You ask for her often." She states. "I am, but you needn't worry. I understand our roles." I said. "Good, because it is never wise to fall for a prostitute." She says. "I am not stupid mistress. She just pleases me the most. The others are good, but she seems to understand my body the best." I reply. "Very well, she should be free next month." She says.

"This is where you convince me to book her time first, isn't it?" I asked. "Just a suggestion." She replies. I sigh. "How much?" I asked. "Premium price, every night. But you get her for the same amount of time as usual." She says. "How much for a whole night?" I asked. "Usually, 20 sovereigns, but for you a half off special." She replies.

"How many hours constitutes as a night to you?" I asked. "Eight." She replies. It wasn't that much of a deal. "I will think about it." I respond. "Do not take too long, she is very popular." Lusine replies. During my thinking another person steps forward and pays 20 for a night with Serendipity. "As I said, she is very popular." Lusine reminds me.

I left the Rose, wondering if I should just pay it. "Another night at the Rose?" Isabela asks. Merrill, Varric and Rilia walking with her. "Hey Phae, look, what you do on your own time is your business. But, we have a bit of a situation." Rilia says. "What?" I asked.

"The assassins attacked us again. Varric knows where they are, but I need you to go to my house and stay with Mother until this is resolved. Aveline and Fenris are there now." She says. "Who keeps attacking you?" I asked. "I will explain everything when we get back." She says. I nod and run to her house and enter.

I had seen Sebastian on the roof his eyes everywhere, surprisingly Anders was with him. Aveline leaves as soon as I get there. Explaining she needed to organize her men to help keep an eye on the house. It does not take long but as I look out the window, I see an increase in guard patrols. This was going to be a long night.

The long night becomes a long week, then two, then another half week passes before Rilia has returned, sporting some new and impressive weapon. I rush down and embrace Bethany first, before Cullen escorts her back to the Gallows. He is kind enough to give us until sun down to spend family time together.

"I am surprised you did not try to steal her away Isabela." Aveline says. "I had two and a half weeks with her." Isabela says smugly. I look to Rilia and Merrill, both of their faces bright red. Aveline makes a noise of disgust and left the mansion. "Maker, the things, I heard…" Merrill says. "Those are things I had hoped to never, ever hear. Not from my sister." Rilia says her face red and seemingly traumatized.

"Well, we had to be louder than you two. Bethany didn't want to hear that stuff either." Isabela said. "Nope. I am done. See you tomorrow." I comment and leave the house as quickly as possible. I passed by Gamlen's house, it still smelled funny, and headed to my house which pretty much was just me and that damned mirror.

After three days of thinking I approached Madame Luisine. "I'm sorry darling, but she is booked for the next six months." She says. I nod and pay the premium price for an Elven woman. Once sated, I leave again. I visit Anders. "Again?" he asks irritated. "Yes. Will you check me over, or do I just find an herbalist or another healer?" I asked.

"Sit Phaedra, I will see to you. Why do you keep going back?" he asks. "What else can I do?" I asked. "I normally do not agree with Merrill, but maybe you should find someone." He says. "Like who?" I asked. "Well, I happen to know a mage, a priest and a former slave, who really care for you. Any of them would be happy to be with you." he says smiling.

"Of those three, how many are women?" I asked. "Does their sex really matter?" he asks. "I don't know I have never been with a man before." I said. "Sex can wait, why not at least let one of them court you?" he asks. "By one of them, you mean you. Fenris, doesn't do courting and Sebastian took vows." I said he blushes and looks away.

I turn his face to mine. "Maybe we should start with sex, and work from there." I said and kissed his lips. His lips then took control and claimed mine. I honestly did not mind letting him lead, at least until I had a better idea of what do with a man. The faster and harder the kisses became the more tense I got. "Anders, please slow down." I requested, and he did.

His lips became gentle, his touch slower softer. He lifted me to his waist, I wrapped my legs around him. I could feel his hardened sex resting beneath my butt, and rubbing between my cheeks. I felt the beginnings of arousal, but there was no drive. "Anders. Stop. Please." I said breathlessly.

He pulls away his eyes glazed over, with lust and I can see a small glimmer of blue, indicating Justice. "What?" He asks kindly. "Are you not getting aroused?" he asks. "No, I am, but slowly, it's just, I just came from the whorehouse. I feel like it is wrong to have sex with you, unclean." I said embarrassed and looking away.

"You are clean, no diseases, but I know that is not what you meant. If you want to try this again, next time you feel a need. Please come see me first." He says. "I will. I promise." I replied. I appreciated him not giving me a time frame, because I had no clue when I would feel the need to sate myself again.

Shockingly, it was not that long. I had spent the next couple of days feeling the ghost of his manhood rubbing me. I wanted to feel it again. My sex pulsed in anticipation, driving me to a frenzy. I headed back to his clinic. I waited in the doorway, until he had no more customers. As soon as the last one left, I closed, locked and warded the doors.

I walked towards him with a purpose, my lips once again claimed his. When we stopped for breath he said hadn't expected me to have needs so soon. "Anders, I have felt the ghost of your cock rubbing me for two days. Shut up and fuck me." I replied need becoming urgent in me.

I allowed the firestorm to take hold, it was hot fierce and only gentled when her first entered me. His slow, steady strokes pushing me slowly to the edge. "More. I need more, please." I said. His strokes became fast hard and hitting me in the right places. I had expected a powerful completion, but it was only powerful for one of us.

"Better than a whore?" he asks breathlessly. "Yes." I said, because it had been better than the whores I had been with. I felt a bit of shame, when I wondered how it would have felt to have my first time with being penetrated by cock, by Serendipity. But as I saw his hand lightly coated with ice and him gently soothing my aching sex, I could not help but think, maybe this could work.

It did not work, it had been but a month he would see to my desires, but I could not get past just sex with him. I think he could tell to, as he approached me at Rilia's house and asked to speak to me, I had a sense that this was going to go but one way. We would part ways, I hoped amicably.

"Phaedra?" he started. "Yes Anders." I said. "You do enjoy our nights together, right?" he asks. "I do." I replied. "But, it isn't enough for you to want more?" He asks. I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I have tried, I do not know if more time is needed or even if I ever will want more." I said honestly. "Thank you, for being honest at least." He says.

"What then?" I asked. "I think tonight will be the last time we have sex, I will still be your friend, but sex is not enough for me to keep us going." He says. "I understand. I am so sorry Anders, I wish it could be different." I said. He gently stroked my cheek. "As do I. But, at least we'll have the memories. Tonight. And I got you to stop frequenting the Brothel for a time." He says before kissing my lips.

He is slow and thorough as a lover tonight, we take our time, enjoying it for as long as we can. I do not see him when I wake up in the morning. I felt saddened, because I knew he had begun to love me, but I just couldn't. It wasn't even about Leliana, nor was it about Justice. I just couldn't see more than casual sex with him.

I saw Rilia enter the house, stood up and hugged her. "Hey Rilia. What is up?" I asked. "Have you seen Mother today?" she asks concerned. "No, last I saw her was the night before last. Why?" I asked. "Uncle Gamlen, say she missed their weekly visit." She says. "Aunty, never misses that. I will help you look, where do you need me to go?" I asked.

"Gamlen says he has a lead. He is going to meet me by the stairs to Hightown. Could you check with the dockworkers, then meet me there?" She asks. "Yes. I will go right now." She nods, and I hug her again and head to the docks. I was downtrodden as none of the dock workers had seen her.

I met Rilia in Lowtown, just as she intercedes on a child's behalf. "He can't help us if he is unconscious." Rilia says. I head over to them and heal the boy's injuries to the best of my ability. She hands the boy some coin and he pointed to the direction the strange man had gone. "There is blood, maybe you can follow it." He says.

"Maker, I hope that is not Mother's. That is a lot of blood. We must move faster." She says fearful and we hasten our steps. Following to the foundry district and a familiar factory. We all pray to Andraste that this has not gone the way of Ninette and some of the other women. We thought we had caught the killer.

Rilia's panic increased with every step. Demons attacked us, upon entry of the building. I made quick work of them, allowing Rilia to try and calm down. Merrill was absent, if she had been here, I have no doubt my cousin would be calmer.

"I wish Merrill were here." Rilia said. "Why is Kitten not here?" Isabela asks. "She caught a cold, her nose is as red as a tomato." Rilia responds. "How did she catch a cold? It's not even that cold. Ferelden was colder." I said. She sighs. "She got distracted and walked through a cold fountain. She came home shivering." She responds.

"Maker, I really do not know how she is so absentminded. I do not remember her being so, when we were growing up." I said. "Too much on her mind, I assume." Rilia replies. It made sense, she did not have the worries she carries now.

Between her clan, the mirror, trying to stay hidden from the Templars, wedding plans and everything Kirkwall has laid upon all our shoulders. If it hadn't been for my time with Sasha, I would probably be just as scatterbrained.

We followed the trail of blood to a hidden trap door. "Looks like someone forgot to conceal the entrance to their hideout." Varric says. "This is new. We should go down." Rilia says. The feeling of complete and utter wrongness, permeated the air. I am sure there was a proper word for it, but I did not care right now.

Again, demons attack us, we see a body Rilia rushes over. "Mother!" It was hope in her voice, only to be squashed when she sees it was Alessa. This did not bode well, not even a little. We look around the room, hoping for answers. But mostly for Leandra.

We read some disturbing notes and titles of books, then Rilia kneels and her hand holds something. "I know this locket. Bethany and I gave it to Mother on her name day two years ago." Rilia says. "She never takes it off… Rilia…" I said. "Don't Phae, please don't say it." She says. I keep my tongue still.

The next area yields more disturbing ideas, and a shit load of corpses, skeletons and demons. Our eyes are drawn to a large portrait and a mantle. It looked like a shrine. "What… is this?" Rilia asks. "A shrine." I reply. "The woman in the painting, almost looks like Mother. We need to find her, now." Rilia says.

"Necromancy." I said pointing to a pile of papers. "What is he doing with her?" Rilia asks. I believe I was getting an idea. "I think I know, but I am not completely sure. Nor do I want to believe it if it is true." I said. "What?" My cousin asks. I look at her my face openly disturbed. "Never mind. I don't think I want to know." Rilia says.

With every step further into this man's sick hideout, my theories seem to be proving themselves. This was the sickest form of obsession, making a mock version of the one you loved. Using different parts of people. Magic tying them to a twisted half-life. Finally, we reached the man in question.

"Where is my mother?" Rilia says angrily. His crazy words and sentences do nothing but tell me I am right. Maker, how I wish I hadn't been. Leandra stands, her movements shuffling, her head sewn onto this corrupt body of women. Anger flares in all of us, he would die, and painfully.

His demons, skeletons and corpses broke like water on rock before us. Soon it was just him, there was no mercy. As the last skeleton fell, Rilia's knife deep in its rotted skull, we heard shuffling of feet. We turn and see Leandra shuffling to us. She collapses into Rilia's arms.

"I'm sorry Cousin, Aunty. His magic was all that kept her alive." I said kneeling beside them. Leandra's hands cover ours. "I knew you two would come." She says I can feel the magic draining, yet I am powerless to slow it down. "Shh… don't talk mother, we can find a way…" Rilia says.

"My dear girls, please do not fret. He would have kept me trapped here, like this. Now I am free. I will get to see Carver again. And your father. You two have become so strong. I love you all, and have always been proud of all of you." She says, those were the final words of Leandra Amell-Hawke.

We burned the whole factory, those who died here for his sick delusions, deserved some sort of peace. We did take Quentin's private journal. When Aveline found us, we handed it to her and pushed past the guards. I followed Rilia to her home, then up the stairs and into the mostly finished room Rilia had been building for me.

Part of me wanted solitude, but another part wanted comfort. Comfort came in the form of Anders. "I know nothing I say will change it, I'm just… I'm sorry. You were lucky to have her as long as you did. When the pain fades, that is what will matter." He says.

My eyes meet his. "I appreciate it Anders." I said. he sits down next to me. "I am here for you whatever you need." He says his hand covers mine. I squeeze it and lay down pulling him with me. He holds me close to him. I touch his cock. "I need… a distraction… please Anders, help me forget for a short time." I said. He kisses me and our last night is revisited, but this time he stays holding me.

"Phaedra. This does not change anything between us." He says rubbing down my side and back up. "I know. But, thank you for this night." I said. He kisses my lips one last time. "You are welcome. I still care about you Phae, that has not changed." He says. "I… Thank you Anders." He kissed my cheek and left.

I have moved into the Amell estate. We kept Leandra's room as it was, we never opened the door. I was finishing putting up the pictures I drew in Ferelden, granted most were of Leliana. At least, the less risqué ones were put up. The others kept in my private journal. I felt a sense of weakness.

Rilia had been helping me decorate, thankfully she was still in the room as I had felt her arms, catch me before I hit the ground. "Phae, what is wrong, you look pale, Jolie!" She shouted, and the bird came sensing her urgency. She scribbled a note. "Anders, now. Phae is ill." The bird made a call and flew out the window.

I felt weightless as she carried me to my bed. "You do not need Anders. I will be fine." I said. "Do you know what is wrong?" she asks. The sense of weakness comes again, and then exhaustion, had a sloth demon found me? I wondered before passing out.

I come to again with Rilia's voice. "What is wrong with her?" She asks. blearily, I see Anders. "Nothing is wrong, per se. She needs rest. There are two living in her now." He says. "Did a spirit take residence in her?" Rilia asks.

"No. He means, I am pregnant." I said. I was not sure how to feel. "Who is the father than?" Rilia asks. I look at Anders. "Anders?" She asks. "Yeah, I have not been with another. I counted back two months, our first time together, is when I got pregnant." I reply. "What will you two do? Get back together?" she asks. "I umm… I do not know. Should we Anders?" I ask him.

"I do not know either. I am perfectly willing to be a father, but it does not mean we have to get together again. I need to think about that. But, I will not abandon my child. I will take responsibility, as a man should." He replies.

"Okay, well if you do get back together, or maybe even not, perhaps you should move in too. As to be close to Phae and the Baby." Rilia says. Both Anders and I are not sure how good of an idea that is. Especially, since my room has so many pictures of Leli. He looked at them too, he seemed somewhat uncomfortable.

"These are all big decisions Rilia, we need time to process and talk about it. We have no answers for you now." I said. "Very well, can you at least let me know if you are physically able to be my best man?" she asks. Anders answers for me. "If you let her rest, and don't let her do anything strenuous, she should be fine by your wedding." He says.

Rilia kisses my cheek in excitement, then kisses Anders cheek, and skips out the door. Anders seemed shocked. He came and sat down next to me, I could feel his worry in waves. "Anders?" I asked. "It is not that I am not happy or excited. I just thought we were careful, now I am worried." He said. "Why? Other than impending parenthood?" I asked.

"What if this baby, has a little bit of Justice/Vengeance in it?" he asks. "I don't know. We will figure it out if the time comes." I said. "We could, umm… remove it." He says. I think he is worried that I will agree to removal. "Anders, this baby is in me, where it will stay until he/she comes out at the appointed time." I said.

"You would carry my child, even though they may be an abomination?" he asks. "I will carry and even raise our child." I said. "But…" I put my fingers to his lips. "Anders, stop thinking the worst-case scenario, hmm." I said. "Okay. But I still do not think, us together would work." He says.

"I understand Anders." I said. "Rest, and eat plenty of food and no more mead, ale, spirits, or wine. It is bad for the baby." He says. I promised I would not drink for at least a couple of years. He tells me he will have some food sent up to me. In a day Anders is staying with us. By the time Rilia's wedding comes around, I was fit to be in the wedding. Happily, Bethany was given permission to attend.

"Really? You are with child? That is exciting!" Bethany says as she hugs me and then kneels to kiss my belly. It did not matter, that our child was the size of a raspberry and had no sense of awareness. I found it endearing all the same. Once the wedding and feast afterwards had concluded I was ready for bed. Anders agreed.

It had been less than a week since the wedding, Rilia and Merrill were coming home today. I heard yelling in the main hall. I distinctly heard Aveline and Isabela. "Sweet Andraste! Must you two argue so loudly! Some of us are trying to sleep!" I shouted at them.

"Sorry Phaedra." They both mumbled. "Why are you here now?" I asked. I regretted asking immediately as they began to argue again. One voice trying to drown out the other. "One at a time! Maker!" I shout over them both. They explain their situations. I sighed irritated.

"Seriously, she isn't home yet and already you wish to demand her help as soon as she gets here?" I asked. "Believe me, Phaedra if this could wait I would not even be here. But you know how tense things have been getting with the Qunari." Aveline says. "If my Relic was not here for a limited time, I would wait too." Isabela says.

"Oh boy, I come home and already I have a sense of foreboding." Rilia says. They both begin to speak. "Stop! Both of you, wait outside, now." I said pointing to the door. Something in my tone has them scurrying to oblige. "Damn, Phaedra. You already got the mom voice and the baby isn't even born yet." Rilia says.

I blush and say thank you. "Can you make sense of what they were saying?" She asks. I explain the situation and their requests. She sighs "Maker. Not a moment's peace it would seem. What would you suggest?" she asks. "Help Isabela. My theory is that the Relic she has been looking for and the Qunari's 'Tome of Koslun' are one in the same." I said.

"So, I help Isabela, then give the tome back. If your theory is correct, that would save us some trouble." Rilia says. I stare blankly at her. "Yeah, probably won't help at all." She says. "Do these sorts of plans usually go the way we want it to?" I asked. "Good Point. Stay here. Try to keep yourself as safe as possible." She says. "Okay." I said.

It was mid-evening, when I heard screaming. I looked to my right. Anders was sitting up in his cot. We go out of our little room on top of Rilia's home. Fire, destruction, and hordes of Qunari are flooding the streets. "We need to help, Anders." I said.

He shakes his head. "Anders!" I shout. "I know Phae, we will, I am just worried about you and the baby." He says. "Then you better stay close, because I am going down there." I said. I raced back into the house and grabbed my crossbows. As soon as we left the house, we began shooting spells and bolts. I hear the crack of magic and follow the sounds, mages are fighting Bethany included.

Not long after we start our attacks, a Saarebas joins the field. Anders shields me, and I shield Bethany and the other mages as best as I can. But the Saarebas's spell still sends us flying. Rilia, Fenris, Merrill and Varric show up. I felt a brief amount of relief. When I regained my breath, we fight again.

It was a long arduous fight, it felt like it would never end. But, it finally did, and I leaned against the wall. Anders checks the baby and I. "You are both fine. Thank goodness." He says relieved. I watched as Orsino healed Bethany. Then we watch Meredith and Orsino talk a bit with Rilia, making plans. I breathed a sigh of relief that Meredith had not seen us use magic.

Rilia requests Bethany to stay. Bethany in tow she comes up to me. "Are you three alright?" she asks. "We are fine. What happened?" I asked. "The whore ran off with the Tome." Aveline says with spite and malice. "Don't call Bela that Aveline." Bethany says. Aveline sighs. "Alright, I am sorry, but this mess is her fault. I need to rally the Guardsman. See you at the Viscounts keep." She says.

"I will be staying here, protecting the house." I said. Anders says he will stay too. Rilia and the others leave with a nod and a wish for us to be safe. "Perhaps we should attack from the second level." Anders suggests. I agree, I really didn't want to be in the thick of it again, not for a while, anyways.

Before two hours had passed I had seen Isabela running through. "Bela!" I shouted down to her. "Phaedra! Where is Rilia?" she asks the book under her arm. "At the Viscounts keep, Bethany is with her. She is fine. Aveline is pissed!" I shouted back. She salutes me and keeps running, I shoot the Qunari who get in her way that I can reach with my crossbows. Anders hits the further ones, and Isabela is up the stairs and out of our sight in minutes.

"Do you think the tome will help?" Anders asks. "No, I do not. The Qunari do not suffer thieves. Sten almost killed more people to get his sword back. Sasha, convinced him not to and helped him retrieve it without further bloodshed." I said. "How?" he asks. "She persuaded the dwarf who had bought it, that it was in his best interest to return it, without a fuss." I said.

"Sasha was very convincing, if I remember correctly." He said smiling. We waited then, in silence. After another couple of hours, there were shouts and cheers. Hawke's name the subject. She was limping, Fenris and Aveline acting as crutches. Bethany not too far behind. I sighed in relief, all our friends had made it through the battles safely.

As the city recovered bit by bit, I grew larger. In gratitude and a rare act of kindness for Meredith, Bethany was able to visit us almost daily. The stalwart Cullen, always her escort and protector. Isabela, was not pleased however. "Why is it always him? Is there more going on between you two?" Bela asked Bethany at dinner once.

Bethany pulled her hand from Bela's and glared at her. "How could you even think that?" She asks her, clearly upset. "Well, I don't know Bethany. It is not like I am in the Gallows with you. I don't know what goes on there at night." She says crossing her arms over her chest.

"Nothing Bela. I have been faithful to you all these years. Should I question your fidelity? I mean you are out here, free to do what and whom you please. I am not in the city with you." Bethany counters. Bela raises her hands in frustration. "I have been faithful, and it is hard." Bela says.

"Well, I am sorry, that I am not enough for you to make it easy to not fuck anything that walks on two legs." Bethany says back. "You see this, this, is why I did not do love. It gets too messy." Bela says. "Well, then, I relieve you of being my lover. You are free to fuck whomever you wish!" Bethany says.

She gets up and heads to the foyer. I hear the distinctive sound of heavy metal armor rattling as Cullen hastens to catch up, then the slamming of the door as they leave. "Fuck!" Bela screams and she too slams the door as she leaves. "Should we do anything?" Merrill asks. "Nope. They need to work this out on their own, like we work out our own problems." Rilia answers her. I yawned, shrugged and excused myself.

 **(9:35 dragon. 14** **th** **day August)**

On the 11th day of August, 9:35 dragon, I gave birth to my little boy Bryce at dusk. It was painful, yet when I looked at my son's face, all I could think was it was worth it. Anders of course was thrilled and still worried. "What if he is a mage? I do not want him to go through what I did." He says holding our son as I cleaned my nipple for Bryce to be able to eat.

"Anders, we talked about this. We do not know if he is or isn't a mage. We will cross that bridge when we get to it." I reminded him. He sighs. "I will try not to let it consume me, Phae. But, I need you to try and remember that it is a real possibility." He says. He hands me Bryce and as soon as my nipple touches his lips, he latches on and feeds voraciously.

"I do remember Anders, we are both mages, more than likely he will be one too. I won't let the circle take him. We can teach him ourselves. He may choose to join the circle when he is older. We need to support that decision." I said. "I will not. I do not believe the circles will ever change." He says.

I sigh again, this argument has become daily since Bryce was born. "There is a new Divine, she may change everything. She just needs the chance to." I reply. "I don't know Phae. Look, I need to get to the clinic. Will you two be alright?" he asks. "We will be fine Anders, go take care of your patients." I reply. He nods kisses Bryce on the head and leaves our room.

Rilia knocks and comes in. "Anders seems irritated. Did you two have a fight, again?" She asks. "We do not fight, we disagree. He can't seem to stop thinking what will happen to Bryce when he begins using magic." I said. "He may not be a mage, you know." She says. "Rilia, both his parents are mages, so, it follows he shall be too." I reply.

"I don't know. All we can do is wait and see. Why did you name him Bryce? I have been meaning to ask." She says. "You remember Sasha, right?" I asked. "The Hero of Ferelden, who could forget her." Rilia says misty eyed. "Sasha Cousland. Arl Rendon Howe slaughtered her whole family except her brother Fergus. Sasha's father's name was Bryce. Anders and I both love, respect and owe Sasha personally. So, it seemed fitting to name our son after her Father." I said.

"Does she know?" Rilia asks. "We asked her permission. Jolie took a letter to her. she came back a month later with Sasha's permission." I replied. "My ladies Hawke and Amell forgive the intrusion. But there is a messenger for you Lady Hawke. He seems adamant that the message is received by your hand." Bodahn says.

"A champion never gets rest. I will be back shortly." She says and leaves me too. Once Bryce has eaten his fill, he falls asleep. I place him in his bed and fall asleep too. I wake up later feeling warmth and fur and hot air on my neck. A slightly heavy paw around my middle. "Demos. Move over, you are squishing me. Why are you in here anyways?" I ask him.

"He followed me in. He seemed curious about the little human. He sniffed him, nudged him gently and then laid next to you." Rilia says. "Okay, so, what brings you here? I know you said you would see me later, but it is the middle of the night." I said. "Merrill. She snuck out of the house, tried to anyways. Bodahn saw her." she says sadly.

"The Mirror?" I asked. "Yes. I followed her. I know it was not right, but I thought she was done with that thing." Rilia replies. I waited for the I told you so from Anders, but it didn't come. "He went to the clinic. There was some sort of emergency." She says. I shrugged. She shoos Demos off the bed and hands me a clean rag for my chest. Bryce was stirring again.

"Little bugger eats like a horse." I clean up and she hands me Bryce and sits next to me. "Should I talk to her, about this? At least, ask her?" She asks me. "I would." I said. "I am not jealous over a mirror." She says. "I know, but this sneaking out it isn't safe." I said. "May I stay here tonight?" she asks. "Of course." I said back.

I was contently feeding Bryce, Rilia seems to have fallen asleep, and my eyes look to the cabinet I had put all the pictures of Leliana in. I had decided to take them down, hopefully to make Anders more comfortable. I still missed her at night.

It wasn't the sex, though I do miss that. It was her scent, the feel of her skin pressed to mine. The warmth I felt, the comfort. It was the feeling of being complete. I could distract myself with whores, sleep with Anders, and still, I felt incomplete. Not even having Bryce made me feel complete, not fully anyways. I doubted I would ever feel completely complete without her, but mostly complete was good too. These were my thoughts as I hugged and kissed my son.


	7. Chapter 7

**(9:36 Dragon. 11** **th** **day of August)**

Anders had decided to move out, one year earlier than we had agreed on. "Why is he moving out? I thought you two agreed on two years?" Rilia asks. "I think he wants to try and move on, he had said that a couple of people have caught his eye." I said.

"So?" She asks. "So, it is hard to start or maintain a romance if you are living with your former lover, and her family." I reply. "That didn't seem to be a problem for Merrill and I." she said. "You followed me to the bath. You said you were watching me." I reminded her. She blushes and looks away.

"Alright, but what about Bryce?" She asks. "Anders will still see him often, he isn't abandoning him. Anders and I just don't work. We contain ourselves because of Bryce, but we still have very different views about the Circles and Templars." I said.

"I suppose, does that mean you will try to find another lover, or is it back to the brothels?" She asks. "Neither. Why?" I ask suspiciously. "I am not going to set you up, don't worry. I was just curious." She says. "I think my brothel days are done, as far as finding another lover, well, I would like to focus on taking care of Bryce. If it happens one day, I will still be open to it. But I won't be actively looking either." I replied.

A few weeks pass, Isabela, Bryce and I are shopping in Hightown. "So, I was thinking, maybe…" Bela begins stammering and murmurs something. "Bela, speak clearly and audibly." I said. "I was thinking of asking you and Rilia something. But, I think I am too scared too." She says. "Maker, Isabela. We have never shied away or gotten angry about anything you have asked us. Why now?" I asked her.

"I don't know. I need to think about it again. Anyways, have we gotten everything. Our visitation with Bethany starts in an hour. I would like a bath before I go see her." She says. "Yes, I am done. I just need to see Bernar. Maybe he can give me a job to do." I said.

We spoke to Bernar and he had said that there was usually always work to do. He invited me to come down and help anytime, he would pay me for my work. He seemed enthralled with Bryce. I could see he was thinking about having a child even more now.

Then, I saw his face fall as hope fled. I knew his thoughts were along the lines of 'as long as my wife is in the circle, we have no future.' Since I started walking around town more, I had noticed an increase of hope falling and irritation.

Meredith had been cracking down on mages more lately. This had me worried, a couple more years of this and all the mages or templars will need is a tiny spark and we will be thrown into civil war. I could only pray to the Maker, that the new Divine, might be more sympathetic to the mages. Hopefully, she can improve their lives, responsibly.

 **(9:37 Dragon. 4** **th** **day Wintermarch)**

I was growing more concerned daily. The tensions between the Mages and Templars continued to rise. I was seeing less and less of Anders. He barely came by anymore, he was breaking another promise. He had promised to be here for his son. But he hasn't seen him in 3 months. Every time I had come by the clinic he was mysteriously gone.

I trudged home after another failed attempt to see Anders at his clinic. I was angry at him and the fact that he was waiting in the foyer of the estate right now did nothing to calm my ire. He speaks before I can. "Phae, I know you are really angry right now, and you have every right to be. I promised to be here for our son, and I haven't been. I do have a good reason though." He says.

"You had better." I said. "I have been having trouble, reigning in Justice, his will is getting stronger. So, I have been trying to find a way to separate us, and not die. I am not having much luck, but I am still trying. I don't want Bryce to see me like that. Not like you did, with Ser Alrik." He says. I sigh.

"Alright, Anders. That is a valid reason. We told you we would help you, why haven't you let us?" I ask. "I care about everyone, I do not want to lose control around any of you. If it just me, it is safer." He says. I sigh again. "May I hug our son?" he asks. "Justice, if you can hear me, harm our son, and I will destroy you." I said. There was a brief flash of light, I see Justice in his eyes, and then it is Anders again.

"He gives his word. He has gone to sleep." Anders says. I put Bryce on his feet, he walks over to Anders. When Anders holds Bryce, he seems so happy, and then sad, then happy again. I know it is because he still worries for his future, but he at least stopped mentioning it to me whenever he saw me, which was appreciated.

 **(9:37 Dragon. 4th day of Guardian)**

I had still been getting letters as to Leliana's health from Dorothea. I had shared with her about Bryce. I had asked to have her bless him, that was four months ago. But today, I had received a message from Elthina. She had blessed Bryce too, one would think having a Grand Cleric bless your child would be enough and mean more than a Revered Mother, but Dorothea had become of more importance to me.

She was important, not just because she would tell me how Leliana was, but she had become a treasured friend, at least through our messages. I honestly, do not know where it began, but our letters had become less businesslike and more like two friends would write. I opened her letter, and my smile widened.

"She has agreed to meet Bryce and Me, in Orlais." I said. Grand Cleric had also become a friend. She was not upset about me wanting a blessing from Dorothea as well, she was happy for me. Our friendship grew, because I had started visiting the Chantry again. When I had come back we began to talk, at first about the Maker, what his chants meant. Then, our conversations had been about anything.

"That is wonderful news Phaedra!" She says excitedly. "But, how will I get there?" I asked. "When are you supposed to go?" she asks. "Dorothea will be in Orlais for a month, so I have some time. I suppose I should start by talking about it with Rilia." I said. "I think that would be wise. You two should not go alone." She says. "I know. I will ask Rilia, and think about it a bit more." With a hug, Bryce and I left the Chantry.

As I left the building, I was met with Anders disapproving glare. He was not fond of me taking Bryce with me here. "Don't start Anders. You were nowhere to be found, again." I said. "I have explained this to you." He said. "Yes, yes. I know. Can we argue about this later, I assume you came here for a reason?" I said.

"Rilia was looking for you, she needs you to go with her tonight. There is this meeting, with a contact of Varric's." he said. "Ambush?" I asked. "More than likely. Phaedra, I will be leaving again. I found another lead on how to solve my current predicament. Bodahn and Sandal, have agreed to babysit Bryce tonight." He says.

"So, our argument will be postponed, for how long?" I ask. "A month. Maybe two. I need to travel, to Ostwick. Through the Deep Roads." He says. I had noticed he seemed much better about the Deep Roads. His explanation was that it was easier to avoid the Templars that way. I had stopped worrying overly much if Darkspawn would kill him, he was more than capable of defending himself.

"Will you be traveling alone?" I ask. "No, Nathaniel and Sigrun are coming, they are meeting me." He says. "Okay. Well, be careful. I may not be happy with you right now, but I still want you to come back." I said. "Ummm, Anders, do you remember the letter I sent to Dorothea. About visiting her?" I asked nervously. "She replied." He says. I nodded.

"She has agreed to see us. But, we have to go to Orlais." I said. "Will you be here when I return?" he asks. "We should be, it won't be a long visit, if I can even find someone to go with me." He takes a deep breath, calming himself. "Promise me, you will both come back." he says. I promised him and once he walked me to the estate and kissed Bryce goodbye he left.

Night fell, and I felt lucky Bryce had fallen asleep before the meeting was to take place. Rilia had ordered Demos to stay with him. Demos took his duty very seriously. He laid down next to the crib. I patted his head. He licked my hand and resumed his guard duty.

"Phaedra, do you see or sense anything?" Rilia asks. "Not yet." I respond. "It just feels like an ambush." Rilia says. "Why? It's not always an ambush." Varric says as people begin to jump down and surround us. "You were saying Varric." I said. "Not in the middle of a fight." He says avoiding having to admit he was wrong.

Halfway through the battle daggers come flying by us and into some of our ambushers. "Who? What?" Rilia says. "Just go with it." I said. We were going in between watching the newcomer decimate our attackers and fighting. "Phaedra, I am starting to worry about your Rogue Hunting skills." Rilia comments taking down two opponents.

"Well, I am sorry. I haven't had to use those skills in two years. I am out of practice." I defend shooting one attacker with a bolt as I throw a knife into another's throat. "At least you remember how to fight well." She says. I rolled my eyes. "I could still take you in a fight." I said. "Ha! I doubt that!" She says back. "Wait, are they arguing, in the middle of a fight?" The newcomer asks. "I am not even sure." Varric says.

Once the fight ends, introductions are made. "I did however hope, there would be less blood involved when we met." Tallis says. She had explained her plan. "I imagine, if we were to do this, it would be together." The tone becomes flirty between the two. "Oh. She is rather pretty isn't she?" Merrill asks. "Rilia! Really?" I asked disapprovingly. "What, I just think we should get know each other better." Rilia says.

Tallis gives us the option of helping her or not. I knew Rilia would. "Are we going then?" I asked. "Yes. I will give you a bit of time. Send Jolie with a letter, Sasha had said she would be nearby this area correct? Perhaps she can meet you there and take you to see your friend." Rilia says. I whistle for Jolie, she lands on my shoulder as I jot down a note. "Take this to Sasha please." Jolie rubs her head beneath my chin. I raise my arm, and she flies off.

Tallis agrees to wait until dawn, she stays with us. I was not sure why Rilia would allow this, other than a possible threesome. I had ventured down into the Estate proper, I was a little hungry. It took me some time to get used to the midnight snacking, but I had needed them to properly produce milk for Bryce. I heard no noises from Rilia's room.

I wandered into the library, where I saw Tallis had fallen asleep. Demos blocking the door. So, this was good at least Rilia didn't completely trust her. There was just something about her, like she wasn't saying the whole truth. I pet Demos and told him he was a good boy.

In the morning, we had left. "So, you are taking your son, into a very dangerous situation." Tallis comments. "I am aware of the dangers of the cities of Orlais. I will not be sucked so easily into the game." I reply.

"Phaedra, is traveling with us, it is our hope that her friend will be waiting when we get to Duke Prosper's lands. She is to escort Phaedra and Bryce to Val Royeaux, to meet up with another friend of hers." Rilia explains.

Merrill, is sleepy but excited. She hasn't gone so far from Kirkwall in seven years. Tallis goes over the plan with them once more. Bryce has made himself comfortable in his harness attached to my body. "He is a toddler, he can't walk too far." I said to Tallis's questioning glance. "Can you still fight with him on you?" she asks. "It is my hope not to have to, but yes I can." I said.

"So, initially I thought you and Hawke were married, with the way two bicker. But, after seeing the little lad, I am not sure how it is possible." She says. "You are getting awfully personal Tallis." I reply. "Sorry, I am just really curious. I keep wondering if she is married." Tallis says. "Ask her." I said and move to the back.

"Are you married?" I could not believe she actually asked her. "Is that a proposal?" They go into some banter. "Tallis, you know I am married. I introduced you to my wife." Rilia says. "Hi, I am the wife. Merrill. Don't you remember?" Merrill asks. "Oh, you were serious. Wow. I have never met a human noble married to an elf." Tallis says.

"We kissed… in front of you." Rilia says. "So, she could be your elven servant, and occasional lover." Tallis says. I restrained my anger, but it was hard. "Why is it so impossible to believe a human could fall in love and marry an elf?" I asked. "It just isn't done, to my knowledge." Tallis says. I glare at her. "Let it go Phaedra." Rilia says. I grumble out an "I'll try."

We had gone half way to Chateau Haine, when Jolie returned. "She must have been really close." I commented and opened the letter. "She will be there an hour or two after us." I told Rilia. Once we reached the Chateau, it was Rilia who had to restrain her anger. "Ah, the Champion of Kirkwall, I feel fortunate that both the Lady Hawkes have joined us." He looks in one direction and we see Bethany.

She comes to us calmly and embraces us in turn. Her hug lingering with Isabela. "I must admit though, I was not expecting so many to come with you. Especially, not an Elven servant and her child." He says looking at me. "She is not an Elven servant. This is my cousin Phaedra Amell and her son Bryce." She says.

"My apologies my ladies, I had heard of Phaedra Amell, I had just assumed she was human as well." He says. "You are not helping my mood Duke." Rilia says. "My apologies, I will quit before I offend either of you further. I will make room for you to join us, Lady Amell." He says bowing to me.

"That will not be necessary Duke Prosper. I am simply awaiting my escort to Val Royeaux. Ah and here she is." I reply seeing Sasha walk up the hill. "The Hero of Ferelden?" He says on awe. "Phaedra, I am so pleased to see you it has been far too many years since we battled the Blight. And this strapping young lad must be Bryce." She greets us first, much to the Duke's chagrin.

"My apologies Duke. I forgot my manners in my excitement to see Phaedra again." She says. They go through the long arduous greetings of the court, words have double meanings. From what I had learned from Leliana. Her words were a veiled warning, and possibly, a threat. I felt something, and looked around, nothing explained the feeling. Before I could think about it more Bryce had pulled my tunic.

"Yes, my son?" I ask him. "Potty." He says. I excuse us for interrupting and ask for use of the privy. The Duke kindly agrees and has an Elven servant escort us. As I pass through the gates, I felt that something again, but as before I saw nothing. The feeling never seemed to leave me, and yet I could never pinpoint what it was. "Thank You Duke Prosper." I said to him. With a nod and farewell to my Cousins and the Duke and a warning glance at Tallis we left his land.

 **POV change (Leliana. Chateau Haine 6** **th** **day Wintermarch)**

I had felt a pull to look through the gates, and felt my heart stop. She looked different than six and a half years ago, but just as beautiful if not more so. I had wondered it could have been Phaedra, I had felt almost sure, but the little boy with the gorgeous elf, had me questioning it.

It was later when I had heard her name. "Did you see that gorgeous elf?" One nobleman asked another. "I did, but sadly, she was whisked away to Val Royeaux by the Hero of Ferelden. It is a real shame. I would have loved to know her better, without the clothes and the bastard child." I was getting angry, I had learned of his way to getting to know beautiful women.

I had left the area near the nobles, and had circled around to the Elven servants. "Wow, that Elven lady was absolutely hot. My small clothes are soaked, just from looking at her." One female servant said. "I know, and she knows the Hero of Ferelden, my pants are extremely tight." A male elf said. A third joins them. "I cannot believe it. The Hero of Ferelden, and the Dalish Ranger from the book." My heart clutches.

"How do you know?" The other female elf asks. "Her name is Phaedra Amell, how many Phaedra Amells are there in Thedas? I overheard The Champion say her name." The one who came up to the other two servants said. I felt faint, and sat down on a bench, could it be her? Truly?

I heard the name of a female servant and she left a few minutes later. "Right this way Lady Amell." I gulped. "Please, Phaedra is fine. I am not much for nobility. Very few nobles are worthy of respect." She says it was her voice, slightly different, sultrier. But I would know it anywhere, I searched for a place to hide, I could not let her distract me.

I watched from a branch in a tree holding the magical Talisman that blocked our fade connection. My heart was beating like a herd of galloping horses. I watched her walk through the courtyard committing her features to memory, and her son's features. Which I could clearly see the resemblance between them, except the boy was blonde, and his green eyes stood out.

"Alright Bryce, you can do this. Your father will be proud of you for going to the privy. I am very proud of you too." She says as they enter the privy. I was beginning to feel like I was stalking her, but I couldn't just leave, not yet. I found myself feeling jealousy for the first time in seven years. Who was Bryce's father? Did he treat her well? Why wasn't he here with her?

She came out with a Bryce, both smiling brightly. "I knew you could do it." She says and hugs him and for a moment my heart melts. The unbidden thought of this could have been our life. I could be by their side and praising him for using the privy. Tears burned my eyes, but it wasn't. I left her, she had every right to move on.

Tears streamed down my face as once again, she and I were to be separated. Sasha had put her arm around her shoulders and I watched them walk away until they were but a speck on the horizon. I had not expected this heartbreak again. It took me a few moments to compose myself, the bard mask back in place.

I had managed to keep up appearances, though the Champion of Kirkwall approaching me threatened to break me. I breathed a sigh of relief when her path to me was blocked by Seneschal Bran and his lovely date. "Hawke." Bran greeted her stiffly. "Seneschal Bran, and Serendipity. What a surprise." Rilia Hawke says.

"Indeed, and where is that lovely cousin of yours? I have not seen her at the Rose for some time. Did she truly settle down with that pretty boy mage?" Serendipity asks. I have grown curious. Bryce's father was a mage. "Anders and her, are not together. But, she has no desire to return to the Rose anytime soon." Rilia responds.

"Has she found love then, I can only assume her love keeps her glorious body to his or herself." She says. I grow angry, Bran seems irritated. "She has loved only two people in her life, one has become my wife. The other her former betrothed, whom she still loves." Rilia says. "She never mentioned a love in my bed." Serendipity says.

Once the initial shock of learning she still loved me passed. I was on the verge of anger with this bitch, her life was spared by Bran's interference. "Serendipity, you will not speak of Phaedra in such a manner. Her and her baby could have died when the Qunari invaded, and yet she fought. Let go of your jealousy that you could not be the one to put your cock in her first." He walked away. I was shocked he had been so blatant about her sex organ.

I composed myself again and began speaking to another noble. I had not seen her approach, but I managed to not be surprised by her voice. "The resemblance is uncanny." She says. The noble man excuses himself. "I'm sorry, do I know you?" She asks. "Not officially. I am Rilia Hawke. My cousin Phaedra has been drawing your pictures for years." She admits. I blush.

"Well, my portrait was in a book. I have been told I have a memorable face." I said. She waits for us to be alone. "Leliana, there has not been a day gone by that she has not thought of you, and tried very hard not to go against the Revered Mother and write to you again." She says, I feel shocked. Phaedra wrote me letters, and I have never received them.

"Look, I'm…" I began to apologize. "Tallis?" I asked. In my mind I had wondered why she was here, but I was also reminded of our brief romance. "Leliana, it's so lovely to see you again." She says. "You look… stunning this evening. Your hair is darling. Did you do it yourself?" I asked awkwardly. "I get the distinct impression, you've met before." Rilia says. "Oh, Briefly, a long time ago." She says and inside I was grateful she did not share how we knew each other. "You meet all sorts of people, in Orlais. It keeps life exciting." I respond.

"There is a story here, isn't there? Perhaps some trouble?" Rilia asks. "Hmm, no. No trouble at all." I said. Hoping she would agree, we had not parted on the best of terms. "Everything is fine Hawke. Why would you think otherwise?" Tallis asks. I send her a grateful smile.

She then excused themselves. They were up to something. I needed to see what, Phaedra and me, would have to wait again. This is why, I ended it. Because, so much would be in the way of us, we would always have time constraints, with what I have been doing this past seven years, we would be apart just as much.

I sighed, and the thought took hold of me to go to Val Royeaux and find Phaedra again. Dorothea had shared her concern this may happen if we had not parted ways. I would finish my task here and then return to Val Royeaux myself. Update the Divine and if luck was on my side, Phaedra may still be there.

I had imagined a glorious reunion filled with the best sex of my life, reaffirmations of our love and getting married at the Chantry while she was there. I shook my head, who was I kidding. I had heard Rilia say she still loved me, but she had someone else, possibly. I could not stand in the way of that. I could not give her and her son the life they deserve, my duties were too important to abandon.

I had wanted to delay my departure once I had learned what I was supposed to learn. I still had no idea what Hawke and Tallis were doing. But, my orders were clear, and my task done Val Royeaux was where I was supposed to go. Sasha and Phaedra had left a few hours before me, it was entirely possibly I would run into them on the road.

Images of much the same sort of reunion with her ran through my head. Memories of simpler times, more dangerous, but simpler had my sex pulsing with want and arousal dripped down my leg. My dress had gotten much too hot and far too quickly. _"Maker. We haven't been together in years. We have had other lovers, and yet still she is the only one that causes so much chaos in my body."_ I thought.

I was rethinking not delaying again. I heard the call of a Raven, and saw one fly down behind some trees. I snuck over and peered through the bushes. There was Phaedra and Sasha, setting up a tent, just one. Jealousy rears its head again. The bird calls again. "Shh… Jolie, you will wake Bryce." I hear her say.

I looked closer at the bird her markings were exactly as the bird I had thought lost years ago. I wondered how she knew the bird's name was Jolie. Jolie looks at me and flies off again. "Where is Jolie going?" Sasha asks. I see her shrug and it makes her now larger breasts jiggle. My throat goes dry. I feel something on my hand and pray it had not been some poisonous creature.

I looked down and there is Jolie, she remembered me. I gesture her to be quiet. She cranes her neck and I see something I had not noticed before. A small satchel comfortably sitting on her back. I slowly reach for it and she allowed me to open it. An aged letter still rolled and sealed plus a couple other papers fall open.

I read the rolled letter. It had been a message from Cassandra, dated six years ago. Jolie presses her head to the papers and pushes them towards me. I see pictures of myself, and letters. I look at them and they would make no sense to anyone, but I knew they were meant for me. Phaedra wrote me love letters. She peers at my own satchel, then the papers and back to my satchel. She wanted me to keep these. "Maker! Jolie took my satchel, that little thief." I hear Phaedra say and then be hushed by Sasha.

"What was in the satchel?" Sasha asks. Jolie makes herself comfortable and nudges me with her beak. She wanted to be petted. "Pictures of Leli, I just drew, letters to Leli, that I promised never to send. An old message she had on her when I took her in." She answers.

"Mamae found her in an Aravel an arrow in her wing and a message on her leg. I went to seek advice from Mamae and got both the advice, I needed and guardianship of Jolie." I said. "It still amazes me, that she didn't peck you half to death like she did me when I first got messages from her. I told Leliana to stop sending that bird." Sasha said.

I covered my mouth and held in my gasp. "Jolie, was Leli's bird?" Phaedra asks. "I did tell you Leliana sent me messages from time to time." Sasha says. "Yes, but you did not say Jolie was Leli's." she says. "I thought you knew, since you knew the bird's name." Sasha says. "Jolie really is her name? I just saw her, thought she was a beautiful bird and named her such in Orlesian." Phaedra says.

I felt a small gust of wind as Jolie took off after a hunt. I needed to leave, go a different way. I began to worry if the enchanted amulet's powers had weakened. There had been a few instances where I could have sworn I felt Phaedra. I had even saw her, well not directly. I had been seducing a mark to gather intel.

The plan had been going accordingly, the eager noble man easily had fallen for my charms. It had been years ago, but I had remembered him begging to be tied up in nothing but his smalls. He had always wanted to try it. I did as he bid, tied him up and went to the privy to collect myself and force down the bile in my throat at having to possibly fornicate with this man.

I had come out and for a moment, I had felt sick still, then oddly a gentle breeze came through, smelling like Phaedra and I thought I had felt her. The man in my eyes had become Phaedra, and desire flooded me. I walked to him seductively, my mind still seeing Phaedra. I had almost forgotten my purpose, until I felt his hardened sex. As I neared his ear, I realized, I could not do this. I truly was not ready for this part of the game.

Instead of having sex with him that night, I had managed to get the information with the threat of a blade at his neck. Once the information was obtained, I forced drugs into his mouth and made him think he had dreamed we had sex.

He passed out and I left him there untying him and covering him. That was the first time I had worried the enchantments were failing. After, that one time, seeing her on a mark's face never occurred again, so I had thought it was just my imagination.

The next day, I had felt light, and happy. I did not understand this, then later I had felt a need to visit a brothel, not for sex, but for some reason I had just had to go. This is when I met Tallis, she was here for her own reasons, I never asked. But I had this curiosity, before I knew it Tallis was underneath me in a rented room.

Her sounds of pleasure spurred me on, as soon as she reached her peak she, reversed our roles and pleasured me. It was nice enough, it just did not make me scream or even have a powerful orgasm. We had not seen each other for another two weeks after that once again we fell into bed and each other's laps. She wanted more, I told her there would never be a more. It was only sex to me, I could never love her.

She took it to mean because she was an elf, I made no move to dissuade her of those thoughts. I simply shrugged and kept tabs on the brothel. I would go in when I knew for a fact she was not there. For three months, I had sunk into this stupor of sex. Than finally, it broke, like a fever and I had felt urges, but not the need to spend coin.

I had met a lovely Orlesian woman, and had contemplated moving on myself, but as with Tallis, I could not see anything but casual sex with her. My explanation had been my work for the Chantry keeps me away. I would not expect to see her again for a long time, if ever. She had seemed amicable to this. The next I saw her she was married to another noble, and expecting a child.

I wished her luck and happiness and returned to the chantry. I had felt unusually tired that day, I had managed to make it to my bed before I passed out. I had Cassandra worried when I was continually sick in the morning for a few months. She had assumed I had been given some sort of disease from some whore, or that I was pregnant.

I had explained it was not possible for me to bear children, she had insisted I go to healer. The healer had said I was working too much and not sleeping enough. Which Cassandra knew was true enough. The sickness went away.

We were in a battle with some bandits. I took a knife to my side, I could not explain why that had caused my innards and sex to hurt as they did. Once again to the healer, and a mild poison was found. They assumed that was the reason, but I knew it could not be, I had built an immunity to that poison, while under Marjolaine's tutoring. That one and many others.

That was two years ago, since than I have felt bouts of emotions, I could not explain. Anger, worry, loneliness, desire to some degree. Bouts of unexplainable joy and pride. None could I explain. Just as now, I felt pangs of loneliness and regret, but I knew seeing Phaedra was the source of those emotions.

I had felt relief as I boarded the ship to Orlais. Then that relief slipped as I saw Sasha and Phaedra boarding too. Perhaps, the Maker was saying it was time to rekindle or romance. It was a two-day journey, anything could happen in two days.

 **(POV switch. Phaedra. Ship 9:37 6** **th** **of Wintermarch)**

I still could not believe, Leliana's bird had come to me. Perhaps the Maker was saying it was almost time for Leliana and my paths to converge again. Perhaps, it would soon be time for us to rekindle what we had, build on it. Become a family. But what of Anders, would he leave Kirkwall with Bryce and me? Would he support and encourage our relationship? Would he try and take Bryce away?

"Phaedra, come on the ship is getting full, we need to head into our room." Sasha says prompting me to go below deck. "I really do not want to be mobbed by people, so, I will probably stay in here for the trip. But, I encourage you and Bryce to go on deck whenever you feel like it." She says to me. I nod.

"Phaedra? Are you okay? You still feeling that un-nameable feeling?" She asks. "Yes, but I still can't figure it out. But now I am also feeling followed, but it doesn't make me nervous at all. It makes me happy, I think. It is weird." I reply. "I agree. I will be on guard never the less." Sasha says.

"So, Anora is with child, as are you and it happened the same night?" I asked my mind reeling. "Yes, I mean it was an hour apart. We are so thrilled. But, that also leaves a couple of things." She says worried. "Such as?" I asked. "How do we explain it? In public, Alistair and Anora are the ideal faithful couple. But in private…" She says.

"You are all in a committed relationship. This scenario did not occur to you?" I asked. "No, I mean as Grey Wardens it is very hard to conceive if only one is a Grey Warden, for two it is nearly impossible. Will the blight pass down to our children?" She asks. "It does not say anything in the Warden's library?" I asked.

"No and I have had Velanna reading through it for years, on possible cures for the taint. She has that whole library memorized." Sasha says. "I am sorry Sasha, I wish I knew some answers for you." I said. "I know." she replies.

I had stayed with her in the Cabin until Bryce had insisted on going outside. My eyes were drawn to a cloaked figure on starboard side, but Bryce pulled my attention away. "Up." He said. I picked him up and caged him in my arms and watched the sunset over the sea.

The red and blue reminded me of Leliana, she had been on my mind a lot lately. If were to meet again, how would she feel about me, about Bryce. "Pretty Mommy." He says. "It really is." I said. We were quiet a moment. Then he shocked me with the most words he has ever said. "Pretty Lady on walls, and on sea." He says.

"I hugged him. It really does remind me of her." I said. "Be Bard, story." He says. "You want a story? About what?" I said. "Pretty Lady on wall and sea." He says. I turn him to me. "You want to hear about her, again?" I asked. "Favorite." He says.

We sit down against the hull. "Which one about her?" I ask. "Fade, nice stuff." He says. "Alright. It was 9:30 Dragon." He interrupts. "No, not right sound." He says. "Sound? Sing?" I ask, he shakes his head and points to his tongue. "You want to hear it in a different language?" I asked. He nods. He could understand most of my words, but could not pronounce all the words. I begin again in Elven he stops me again. I only knew three languages.

So, I began the story again in Orlesian. My eyes were drawn again to the cloaked stranger, I thought I had seen them tense. I halted my story, feeling suspicion. My son insisted I keep going, I was worried, but there was little chance he would let me stop. He knew the whole story by heart in common. It was most fortunate that whenever I told him this story, I referred to Leli as my love or heart.

He had fallen asleep just after the story ended. I should take him inside, but my legs had fallen asleep. I looked at the stranger again the were leaning against the other hull. I wondered if they had fallen asleep. Sasha had come up on deck, she quietly picked Bryce up and I shuffled to the cabin, hissing on pins and needles.


	8. Chapter 8

My dreams were only of Leliana and Bryce that night, one scene stuck in my head even 12 hours later. We were at the palace in Denerim. I had given her a sexy outfit for some reason. She had given me a gift to. She had asked if I liked it, this is where my mind sees each rich detail.

" _I nodded and stood the toy phallus swings between my legs. She crawled backwards on the bed. My mouth watered at the teasing glimpses of her sex. I inhale her scent, the scent of my mate. I begin my own special feast. 'Mon amor, please, I am more than ready. I want you inside of me.' She says need evident in her voice. I kiss up her body. I run my hand over the phallus it glows briefly and just as I set myself to enter her. We are thrown apart."_ I came to awareness on the floor of the cabin.

"I thought you would never wake. There is a storm." Sasha says. I look for Bryce and see he is in her arms asleep. "Is he alright?" I asked. "He is fine. He was still asleep when I caught him from falling with you. He sleeps like a rock." Sasha says handing him to me.

The boat rocks a bit more, but less violently each time until it stops. "I think we are out of the storm system." Sasha says. "How long until we reach Val Royeaux?" I asked. "8 hours, we are early, the wind was on our side." She says. I contemplated going back to sleep, maybe I could pick up the dream again. A squirming Bryce says otherwise. "Mommy!" He says and hugs me tight.

 **(9:37 Dragon. 8** **th** **day of Wintermarch)**

When we dock, the cloaked stranger is the first to get off the boat. As they passed by, I thought I smelled Andraste's Grace. Soon, that same smell seemed to be everywhere. But, I saw none of the flowers. "It smells like Andraste's Grace, like everywhere we go, but I don't see any." I commented. "It is a very popular scent?" Sasha asks.

"I don't know. She was the only one I knew wore it." I said. I would feel hope, but for a merchant. "Come and get your Andraste's Grace perfume, favored by the Divine herself!" he says. "Well, that answers that. Did Dorothea say when you were to meet up?" Sasha asks. "No, she just said to send a message through the Chantry, they would get it to her." I replied.

We walked to the café, where we ate lunch and I wrote out my message. I was still eating when Sasha gave it to the messenger. "For Revered Mother Dorothea, she is visiting the chantry. Make sure she gets it and when you return I will add a sovereign to your pockets." The messenger boy was thrilled and rushed off.

I did not think to get a response today, but sure enough the same boy came back two hours later, and found us at the fountain. Bryce and Sasha throwing a caprice coin each in. I read the letter, she wanted to see us tomorrow at mid-day. I gave the boy two sovereigns."What did you wish for?" I asked Bryce. He pointed to a Mabari. "Doggy." He said.

The mabari began jumping up and down when it saw Bryce. The man holding the chain to the dog yanked it back, causing the pooch to yelp. In seconds Sasha had rushed over and decked the man. "You do not deserve to have such a noble companion." She said freeing the dog who ran at us. At first, Bryce was scared. This caused the hound to slow down and walk the rest of the way.

As soon as I heard my son giggle at the hound licking his hand, as it laid by Bryce's feet, I knew. That dog would be coming home with us. A guard approached from the opposite side. The Mabari growled at him and moved his body in front of Bryce. The guard raised his hands and backed away. Sasha came up to us next. There was no growling, but the dog did not move.

"Relax girl, I am a friend." Sasha says. "Aunty." He says looking up at Sasha. The dog relaxes and stands next to Bryce. "I convinced the man to give her to me. I think he valued his manhood more." I chuckled. "Well, son. It looks like your wish came true. What shall we name her?" I asked. "…" He did not know. "Alright, we will come up with one." I said.

It had been an hour and we were still clueless as to a name. I remembered I had forgotten to ask Sasha her wish. "What did you wish for, back at the fountain?" I ask. "I wished for our children to not be born with the taint." She says. "I hope that wish does come true." I feel a pull on my pants. I look down at Bryce he is smiling widely. "Elgar." He says. "Spirit, where?" I asked he points to the dog.

"You want to name her spirit?" I ask. He shakes his head. "Elgar." He repeats. "That is the Elven word for spirit." I remind him. He nods. "Elgar." He repeats. "As you wish Da Assan. Elgar, it is." I reply. He raises his hands in victory, and resumes his playing with Elgar. "The name suits her. I do not have to be a ranger to know her Spirit has been brightened by You and Bryce taking her in." She says.

"We should probably get some supplies for her." I said. "Ugh… shopping. I hate shopping in Orlais." She replies. "Why?" I ask. "You'll see." She says back. We wrangled Bryce and Elgar up. It took an hour to understand why Sasha hated shopping here. The prices were high, the merchants pushy and the Orlesians gazed on you with judgmental eyes.

"I am sorry my ladies, but the rules are absolute. No large dogs." The Innkeeper says. We left the third inn with the same rule. Bryce begins yawning, it is far past his naptime. "Tired. Mommy" he says. "I know ma da'len. Sasha, is there any place, that will allow Elgar. Or should we just camp out somewhere?" I asked.

"I do not know, Rufus has been retired and living at the palace for years, I have never had this problem." She says, starting to feel bad. "There you are, I have been looking for you two." A heavily accented voice says. We reach for our weapons, Elgar growls. "I come in peace. I am Cassandra Pentaghast. My colleague had just told me three hours ago, that you were both here." She says.

"Maker, the Hero of Orlais and the right hand of the Divine." Sasha says. I had never once seen such a look of hero worship on Sasha's face. It was, surprising and would be great fodder for teasing. "Ugh… please. Cassandra is fine. As, I was saying my colleague and I had heard of your predicament. I have agreed to offer my estate for the remainder of your visit." She says.

Sasha is still in shock, I am curious and suspicious. "Why?" I asked. "Why what?" she asks. "Did you agree to let us stay at your estate?" I asked. "I respect you both immensely, you need a place to stay. I never use it. And as a favor to my colleague and friend." She says. I wanted to argue more, but the dead weight of my son sleeping stopped me.

"I apologize if it is dusty, as I said. I never use it. I stay at the Chantry." She unlocked the door, and even she was surprised. "She must have already had it cleaned. Though I never gave her a key." She says. "Blasted Rogue woman." She grumbles before handing us the key and storming out. "I think we were followed. These rooms, have our names on them." Sasha says finally composed as she points to the doors.

I set Bryce in the bed, that looked brand new. The bed I was to sleep in looked brand new as well, bedding and everything in my favorite colors too. Sasha comes in. "My room is the same, we haven't even been here a day, and we certainly were not planning on Elgar." She says.

Elgar as we speak has curled up next to Bryce's bed. "I do not like that someone has been following us and apparently knows my tastes so well." I reply. "I agree, my room is as exactly as I like, down to very scent I prefer." Sasha says. "Yours has incense burning already? I feel slightly jealous. My room just smells like clean linens." I said.

She shrugs. "I must know who this friend of Cassandra's is. How does she know me so well?" Sasha asks. She heads out of the room. "You are already going to try and find out?" I asked. "No, I am hungry. Hunting can wait until tomorrow." She says. I must admit, I was hungry too.

"Wait for me lethallan, I am hungry too." I catch up to her. Our suspicions turned to appreciation when the food waiting for us was nothing we had to cook. Our stomachs growled audibly. All thoughts of the mysterious woman disappeared as we ate our fill.

Bryce was having a good time playing in the garden area. He even spoke to the Elven gardener, small phrases. He seemed to like Orlais, he might be the only one of us whom did. We were going to go back in as it had gotten darker, but just as the last rays of the sun went down, all of Val Royeaux lit up. It took my breath away.

Sasha was still grinning when we went in. "How come you didn't tell me the city would light up like that?" I asked. "It has more effect when you do not know about it firsthand. I still think it is amazing, but it doesn't take my breath away, not like the first time." She says. I smiled, I could tell everyone about it, but I wouldn't want to ruin it for others.

I had been in the kitchen getting ready to cook for 15 minutes before I had to kick Sasha, Bryce and Elgar out. "I love you all, but please vacate the kitchen." I said. They left giggling. It would seem they purposely irritated me to be excused from helping. Sasha was doing the dishes then.

After the meal was finished, I cleared the plates, Sasha was headed to the small library we discovered. "Where do you think you are going?" I asked. "To the library." I shook my head. "I meant to the kitchen to wash the plates as gratitude for the delicious meal you cooked." I nodded. She sighs. I smile as soon as she enters the kitchen. "Phaedra!" she says. I chuckle quietly.

"Is there a problem Sasha?" I asked, innocently. "How can there be so many dishes? You could have done the ones you were already done with." She said. "Aye, I could have, if I had someone to help me make dinner." I said. "But, you told us to leave." She says. "That is true, but only because you were purposely irritating me." I said. She sighs and shakes her head.

"Anyways, I will leave you to learn your lesson. Bryce could use a bath and it is almost story time." I said. She gets this pouty look on her face. I shrug and smile. "Maybe I will come help you later. If I am feeling nice." I said, before closing the door. I emptied a barrel of water into the stone tub, and heated it. I helped Bryce into the warm water. Elgar whined.

"No, he gets a bath first then you. Lay down there." I told her pointing to the other side of the tub. She whined again, I shook my head and with a huff she laid where I had told her. "Mommy." He points to his tongue. And then to me. "Mamae is what I call my mother, Marethari." I said. "Grandma." He says. "Miss her." he adds.

"I know ma da'len. We will go visit her on the way back to Kirkwall. Aunty Rilia promised." I told him. "Mamae." I smiled, he had never called me that before. It also reminded me of my dreams. I blushed with the last one. "Mamae, okay?" he asks. "Red face." He says. "I am fine mon tresor." I said kissing his head as I dried him off.

"Mamae, are you sad?" He asks. "A little. I will be okay." I turned to Elgar. "Still want a bath?" She gets up wiggles her butt and I shield Bryce with my body as she jumps in shifting the water. Bryce laughs loudly. Sasha knocks. "Is everyone decent?" she asks. "Yes come in." I said. "I am almost finished but I need a break." She says.

"Why not tell Bryce a story away from tub, while I wash Elgar?" I ask. "I can do that. What story should I tell, I must admit I only know the ones Leliana taught me." She says. I feel a pang at my love's name. "Hmmm… I know, go into my room and look in the front pouch of my rucksack. There are some books in there he likes." I said. She leaves and returns a few minutes later, I had just finished cleaning out the wrinkles in Elgar's muzzle.

She had three books in her hand and set them down on a nearby table. "Pick a book, mon petit." I said. He eagerly goes over, Sasha lifts him. He picks one up. "Adventures of the Black Fox." Sasha reads the title. "That is fine." I said.

They retreat to the other side of the room. I watch Sasha sit down and Bryce sit in between her legs. I smiled as she began to read. Oddly enough the story seemed to calm Elgar down which made her bath that much easier.

Once she was dry, mostly, it was time for Bryce to go to bed. Elgar laid by the fire. "Mamae's Lullaby?" Bryce asks. "Alright." I respond. I knew he had meant the Dalish Lullaby, it would be interesting to sing without a lute. I begin humming the tune and then the words flow from my mouth. He and Elgar, who had moved next to him had both fallen asleep.

Sasha and I went back to the kitchen. All that was left was the plates and tables. "I have not heard that song since the Blight. I would really like to learn it." She says. "I can teach you." I said. She bumps my side and kisses my cheek. "Thank you Lethallan." She says. "You are welcome Lethallan." I reply. In less than an hour the kitchen is clean, and we are ready for bed.

Sasha, had indeed learned her lesson as she made sure to help me with breakfast. Once, we had eaten, I gave her leave to start her hunt for Cassandra's mystery friend. "I will be back in two hours. Then we will get ready to go to the Chantry." She says to me.

"Okay, Lethallan. We will be either here or right outside." I said. I felt that odd feeling and went to kiss her cheek. Elgar, of course had to pick that exact time to trip us up, and we fell to the floor our lips crashing together. I felt this surge of anger, then quickly it disappeared before I did anything.

"I'm sorry." We both said, then started laughing. "Bloody dog. I am sorry Lethallan. I did not mean to kiss your lips. Just your cheek." I said. "I know Phaedra. Though I got to say your lips are very soft. What was that taste?" she asks. "Lip moisturizer. It is crushed berry mixed with honey and yes Elfroot. It is something I learned in Kirkwall." I said.

"May I have some?" she asked. I went to my room and opened my rucksack, and took out the small jar. In the next room, I presented it to her and she put some on her lips. "Wow, my lips already feel better." She says. "I was just playing around with some extra Elfroot I had, and mixed stuff into it, and there you are." I said.

I handed her the little jar. "I have another jar, take this one." I said. She grabbed the jar and with a thank you and a hug left to hunt. I sat down next to Bryce at the table and drew with him. As usual it was of Leliana, but I added Bryce into it. It was a carbon copy of the scene in my dream with the water fountain. I even added Elgar and Mr. Schmooples, Maker rest his gentle soul.

I had just finished it when Sasha came back, a little worse for wear and banged up. "What happened?" I asked. "I was attacked in an alleyway." She said sitting down gingerly. "Did they force themselves on you?" I asked. "No, why?" she asked. "You seem to be having trouble sitting." I said. "Oh, umm, I landed hard on the ground." She said. "What happened to them?" I asked. "I beat them, and let them run away." She says.

"Serves them right. May I heal you?" I asked. She nods sullenly. As I heal her, I check on the baby. "All better, and the baby is fine, if you were worried." I said. "Thanks. Go ahead and get ready you two. I am going to wash up and grab a snack." She says. "Bryce, come on time to get all fancy for the Revered Mother." I said. He seems excited as he bounds after me, to our room.

 **(Leliana POV Val Royeaux same day)**

I felt my heart going a mile a minute. She had told him about me. There were pictures of me on her walls. The sunset over the sea reminded them of me. She told him the story of how we got together, and it was his favorite. She told it in Orlesian. She never fell in love with another. I was reeling, what was I supposed to do.

I had fallen asleep that night, still in a state of shock, but peacefully. Those dreams though, especially that last one. How I would love for her to enter me with that toy. My underclothes were adequately soaked when I was thrown off the bed by the storm. I rushed off the ship, brushing past her, she smelled the same, how I had missed her scent. I had to leave, I wasn't ready to speak to her.

I had hidden in the shadows and watched them acquire the dog, now named Elgar. I knew the inns would not take them in. I rushed into the chantry. "Cassandra, I need a huge favor." I had almost shouted it to her, before I remembered where I was. "What is it?" She asks. I have some friends from my time in the Blight here, they just arrived today. But they will need a place to stay." I said.

"So, there are several inns available." She says. "They have a Mabari." I said. "Ah, who are they? I would like to know who will be staying in my home." She says. "Why? You don't stay there?" I counter asked. "True, but I do keep some valuables there. I would like them to still be there." She says.

"These friends of mine aren't thieves. Well, not past on the battlefield or exploring ancient ruins." I said. She arched her eyebrow. "Alright. Sasha, Phaedra, her son Bryce and their Mabari." I admitted. "Your love is here?" At this point in our friendship, we had shared about our loves. "Yes." I said. "Will you be staying with them then?" She asked.

I felt my heart constrict and the desire to do exactly that surfaced, but my nervousness about it, had me shaking my head no. "Why?" She asked. "I, uh just can't, not yet." I said. "Ugh, Fine. They can stay. I will find them after our meeting. Where were they last?" She asks. "The water fountain, next to the café." I said.

I had been anxiously waiting for the meeting to end. "As for tomorrow, I have an appointment at midday. Any other meetings will have to wait until afterwards." Divine Justinia says. I knew her schedule down to the last minute. "Forgive me, Most Holy. But what appointment, it is not on your schedule?" I asked. "It is a new one, I just set it up today." She says.

"Very well, we will be here with you." Cassandra said. "That will not be necessary, Cassandra it is a private meeting." She says. "Most Holy, private or not, someone should be here to protect you." I said. Remembering one of the many assassination attempts. She sighs. "I will be in no danger, but knowing you, you will probably hide an agent in every room." She says.

"You may stay then. Cassandra, I know you would want to stay too, but I only need one of you here. You two work out who. Meeting adjourned." The Divine says. Cassandra turns to me. "I will stay, you should go see your love. She may not be in the city that long." She offers. I shake my head. "That is alright Cassandra, I know you have the rare opportunity to see Regalyan, and only for tomorrow." I said.

"Many thanks Leliana. I do not know how to repay you for your sacrifice. Other than opening my home to them." She says. "That is plenty. Thank you." I said. She nods stiffly. I had already figured she would, so I had sent a few agents to clean and refurnish the room. However, now I owed them all a week off. Which, with us being here for a week, and no other missions, it was very easy to allow it.

Once Cassandra had taken her leave, I headed into Divine Justinia's private parlor. As expected she was in her favorite chair, the heavy vestment off her head and a book in her hands. I read the title. "Swords and Shields? By Varric Tethras? I have never heard of him or that book." I said.

"It is a new serial, well, not that new. He started it seven years ago. It is a romance serial. You may like it, Cassandra adores it." She says, pointing to her book shelf hidden in a secret storage compartment in her airing cabinet. I picked up volume one, the picture on the cover did grab my attention. It was of a beautiful woman, with slightly pointed ears. Half elf, which reminded me of why I came.

"Most Holy?" I asked. "Leliana please, in here I am not Divine Justinia and you are not Sister Nightingale. We are simply Dorothea and Leliana." She says. Her eyes returning to her book. "Where are Phaedra's letters?" I ask her. "Straight to the point. How did you know about them?" she asks. I feel a surge of anger and drop the letter I had inadvertently received from Jolie.

"The Bird I lost all those years ago, has been staying with Phaedra, in Kirkwall. She was at Chateau Haine, Sasha was coming to get her to bring her here. Where are the rest of my letters?" I asked. She got up and opened yet another secret compartment in her parlor. She grabbed bushel of unopened letters, and handed it to me.

"Why, why did you keep these from me. You know how hard it has been every night without her. All the nightmares, and these letters could have eased that.?" I asked. "I was worried, they would be interrupted like your bird, and put either of you at risk." She says. I hold the first letter. "You opened it?" I asked. "These were personal. Why?" I asked the anger becoming hurt.

"I was worried. I did not want her to say anything that might reveal who you are. I didn't understand it, but that did not mean no one else could. I did not write back to her for a year, and only to ask her to stop writing personal letters, and to promise to let her know you were okay." She admits. I wanted to cry, and I let the tears build.

I read the first letter. I smiled, but still wanted to cry. "No one would have understood them. They are written in Ancient Elven, and styled in the form of court speak. Only Phaedra and I know ancient elven, to my knowledge." I said. "Leliana, I am sorry. I just. I just wanted to protect you as best as I could. Not every threat to you is physical." She says. I know she is sincere. I nod and kneel in front of her, place my head on her lap and begin to cry.

I left the Chantry shortly afterwards, maybe I should speak to her. I find my agent that had been watching over them, while I was busy. "Charter, what did you see?" I asked her. "After Lady Cassandra left, the silver haired woman, and Sasha, took the little one inside. They came out a couple of hours later. Then they watched the boy and dog play for a bit. The boy, Bryce, thinking I was the gardener spoke in small sentences. He was curious about me. He also asked a great deal about Andraste's Grace." She says.

I nod for her to continue. "Though I did not know what he was talking about until his mother mentioned a perfume. That a pretty lady on a wall wore, apparently it was her former betrothed's favorite scent. And the mother, she learned how to make it." I hid the fact that she even told him my favorite scent and Phaedra went through the trouble of learning it.

"The half eleven woman, Phaedra was impressed with how the city lights. They retired to the Lady Seeker's home for dinner, not 10 minutes ago." She finished her report. "Thank you, Charter, you are free to go and start your week off." I said. She put her hand to her chest in a salute and began to walk away.

"My Lady Nightingale, forgive me if it is not my place. Why did you need me to watch her? I do not see how she could be a threat to the Divine." Charter said. "You never know. I prefer to be prepared, at all times." Charter took my answer and with an apology and second salute went off on her vacation.

I checked my surroundings and found I was alone. I climbed up, and opened the shutters in the attic. Reclosing them I snuck around and went to the designated spots where I could easily hide and conceal listening holes. I followed the sounds of voices to the kitchen.

Sasha was irritating Phaedra. She tells them to leave after 15 minutes. "Tricked, Mommy. No help." Bryce said. Sasha laughed at that, I knew my love would find a way to get back at her. I had a good idea how as she seemed to purposely make more dishes then necessary. I smiled, that was my love. Sasha hated dishes.

My mouth began to water at the smell of her cooking. Maker I missed her cooking. Sadly, I ate Orlesian biscuits, while I watched them eat dinner. Bryce was a healthy little eater. When the meal was finished. Sasha got up to go to the library. "Where do you think you are going?" Phaedra asked. "To the library." Sasha responded, I saw Phaedra shake her head.

"I meant to the kitchen to wash the plates as gratitude for the delicious meal you cooked." I grinned. My love's voice had indeed changed. There was a bit more sultriness to her tone, and it made me shiver in desire. I heard Sasha shout her name and they talked about Sasha having to do more dishes because no one helped her make dinner. My love was always very cunning. I heard she was going to bathe Bryce. So, I moved silently to the bathroom.

I had made these holes smaller, just big enough to hear through but not see into it. People are allowed some privacy after all. "No, he gets a bath first then you. Lay down there." She said. I heard the Mabari whine, but do as she was told.

She still could command animals easily. She could command me any time. I grew more aroused, as I remembered all the times she had. I could feel my nipples harden, my womb clench, and my underthings getting damp. I focused on the chant of light until the arousal slowed to a crawl.

No sooner had my desire been quelled, when my heart was touched again. I silently followed them from above. Phaedra's room had taken on the scent of my flowers. I nearly fell asleep myself when she sang her lullaby.

After they left the room, I was tempted to come down and lay on her bed and kiss Bryce. But Elgar's eyes were looking exactly at where I was. I was surprised she had not growled and made my presence known. I crawled backwards, hoping she would not follow. I found my love and Sasha in the kitchen finishing dishes.

I was getting exhausted crawling around in the attic. A part of me knew I should leave and return to my bed in the Chantry. But, I had decided to wait until my love went to bed. I felt desire once again as I watched my love wash off with towel, and crawl into bed with nothing on.

Her body had changed, she was still muscular to a degree. But having a child, I could see her life was less active. She wasn't fat by any means. She was just fuller, and her breasts had grown. I longed to touch her body. Carefully, I snuck down. Elgar looked at me, but did not growl, she did stand in front of Bryce though.

I approached slowly, as did she, I held my hand out, she sniffed it. Licked quickly then resumed her position next to Bryce's bed. I gulped. I approached my love slowly. I stopped when she had begun to move. Her blankets fell down her nude body and I was enraptured by her chest moving as she breathed.

I could not resist, I ran my fingers through her hair, stifling a moan at the silkiness of her silver locks. Her face had become more rounded, but it did not take any beauty from her at all. My heart was racing, she could wake up at any time, but I had to see. I had to know.

I pulled the sheets down, her muscles were there, just not as defined she looked so much softer. Daringly I touched her skin from neck to navel in just one sweep. A long-remembered scent beckoned me. Her sex was glistening with wetness and I had received my answer, the carpets did match the drapes. I resisted any further desire to touch her and pulled the blankets back up. "Leli…"

My heart stopped, my eyes followed up her body. Her eyes were open, but half lidded. I could see how even her eyes had changed, they were brighter and emerald. "Mon amour…" I whispered. "Mmmm…" her eyes closed again. I knew it was time to leave, lest I do anything creepier.

I backed away and looked at Bryce. Elgar looked at me as I began to approach him. She made no move to stop me. I moved his long bangs from his face. Kissed his forehead and tucked the blankets around him tighter. With a pat on Elgar's head, I climbed back up and then out of the estate and back to my own bed.

I kept thinking of my love as I lay in my bed, now wishing Cassandra was not in the same room as me. I needed to relieve myself of this most uncomfortable wetness and tingling in my sex. I knew, it was time, I needed to speak to Phaedra. Tomorrow morning, I would knock on her door, give her a bouquet of flowers, get on my knees and beg for forgiveness.

I woke up the next morning dizzy with excitement, then it became nervousness, and then fear. As I purchased the flowers, the fear became nervousness again. I inhaled a calming breath and released it. I shut my eyes and knocked on the door. But no one came, I waited a minute or two. Still no one, were they not awake.

Flowers stems in my mouth, I climbed back into the estate and the crawled through the attic again. I found them in the kitchen. Sasha was on top of Phaedra, kissing. I felt an anger I had never felt before, and got out as quickly as possible. I threw the flowers down and watched Sasha come out and followed her.

In an alleyway, I saw her go. I climbed off the roofs and dropped down in the middle of the alleyway. A few seconds later Sasha was in my sight, but I was not in hers. I needed to know. "How Long?" I asked Sasha, she jumped a bit. "Leli?" She asks. "How Long?" I repeated. "What?" She asks.

"Alistair and Anora weren't enough. You have to have Phaedra too?" I asked, my voice in an angry tone. "First off, you have no right to be the jealous woman. You left her, remember. She deserves to move on." She says to me.

"I do not disagree, but not with you. You have been my best friend for years, the only one from our camp, that I continued to speak to. So, I repeat. How long have you been fucking Phaedra? Do you love her? Does she love you? Are you being kind to Bryce?" I fired questions at her.

At that moment a bunch of thugs came out of their hiding spots. "You want to do this now?" She asks pulling out her sword and Ruck's familiar shield. I unsheathed my daggers, and stood next to her. "Yes, Now." I answered. She sighs. "Fine." She replies and rams her shield into the first person who charges us.

"I am not fucking Phaedra, nor have I ever fucked her." She answers. I hit a thug in the back of the neck with my daggers hilt. "Then why were you kissing her this morning, I saw you." I said kneeing another thug and hitting him with both dagger hilts.

"That was an accident. Bryce's dog tripped us, as she was kissing my cheek good bye. Just as a friend. She caught me and prevented the baby from being hurt." She replies throwing a thug into a wall. "You are with child?" I asked. "Yes. I love Phaedra, but as a sister. She loves only you, even after you abandoned her." Sasha says. Then she is thrown herself and lands ass first on the stone steps.

I help her up. "I still love her. I wanted to die the day I left her, but I had no choice." I said. She pushes out of the way of an arrow, and brings her shield up to block k it. "There is always a choice, Leliana." She says throwing a dagger at the archer. "Not always." The last thug ran off and we took the valuables of the dead thugs and threw them into the sea.

"How, was there not a choice?" She asks. As we sit down on the steps and rest. I explained about somethings that I had happened and what Dorothea had said. "Leli, she merely said, Phae could not go with you. You chose to break it off, because of what you thought, you might have to do." She says. I sighed.

"And yes, I am being kind to Bryce. He is a very sweet and loving kid. A little mischievous. He reminds me of both you and Phae. The only thing of Anders I see is his blond hair, and maybe his nose. Bryce's eye color is like Phaedra's before the magic in her started." She says. "I'm sorry Sasha, I have been out of sorts since leaving Chateau Haine." I admitted.

"I thought, that was you. I didn't say anything, I was not sure how Phae felt about you, yet. Why did you not speak to her?" She asks. "Because, I am a fucking coward." I admitted. "Now, it makes sense." She says randomly. "What?" I asked. "It was you, it has been you this entire time. You are Cassandra's friend and colleague." She says. I blush and nod. We part ways shortly afterwards. I ask her not to say anything to Phae. She disapproves but nods.


	9. Chapter 9

**Still do not own Dragon Age, all Bioware**

* * *

 **(Phaedra POV 9** **th** **day Wintermarch)**

Bryce was still bouncing around excitedly, which had Elgar doing the same. "Calm down. Both of you before we get kicked out. Bryce, you know how to behave in a Chantry." I scolded gently. Elgar lowers her head and whines softly. "Sorry, Mamae." He says. He settles down and walks next to me.

We were informed we needed to wait for a short time. So, we prayed until I felt a tap on my shoulder. "Right this way Lady Amell." She says, and we follow her to a parlor room. "The Divine will be with you shortly." She informs us, and I felt confused, but before I could ask, she was gone.

"Bryce, look with your eyes. Not your hands." I remind my son as he reached for a statue of Andraste. "Yes, Mamae." He says. In a few minutes, the woman I assume is the Divine enters. I had remembered the lessons Leli taught me about the Chantry honorifics. "Most Holy. I am honored that you would wish to speak with me…" I stop my words as I get a good look at her. "Revered Mother?" I asked hesitantly.

She removes her headpiece and vestments revealing a comfortable chantry robe. "I had hoped to already be here before you. Unfortunately, my last appointment ran later than expected." She says smiling and side hugs me. "You are Divine Justinia?" I asked flabbergasted, she had never told me this in her letters.

"Yes. But in here, I am just Dorothea. I am sorry I did not wish to tell you. I wanted to not be Divine when we were writing. Then I would have to make everything all vague and court speak. That is just exhausting and time consuming." She says. "I can understand that. Dorothea, I would like you to officially meet my son Bryce Amell." I said. "Hello young man." She says to him and he takes a shine immediately and embraces her. "Your last name?" she asked.

"His Father couldn't remember his. He was young when he was sent to the circle." I said. She nods and pulls up a chair. No sooner does she sit then her door his opened. "Most Holy, you managed to escape me." My heart stutters. It was her, my Leli. My body stiffened, and she came around the corner, only for her words and body to be stilled. "Pretty Wall lady." Bryce says and runs up to her.

I was pleased and shocked that she kneels and accepts him into his arms. "Prettier, now." he says. Leli and my eyes meet. We were both speechless. "Yes, well, I will make the blessing quick than. You two have much to talk about I would presume. We nod. Our bodies were like magnets, immediately drawn to each other. Our hands brush as we watch Bryce be blessed.

Sasha met up with us at the doors. Kindly she takes Bryce back home as Leliana and I head to the café. For the first time since we had met, the silence was awkward. The silence was driving me mad. "So…" I wasn't sure what to say either. "So. Inn?" She asks blushing. "Inn." I reply.

We rented a room, but we did not immediately begin to devour each other. Again, there was silence and no action. I huffed, grabbed her by the tunic and kissed her soundly. "Phaedra… (kiss) I am so…(kiss) sorry… (kiss) I shouldn't have…(kiss)" She says. "Left…(Kiss) Like that… (kiss kiss kiss.)" I finish her sentence and take my lips away to begin untying her tunic.

Her hands untie the back of my dress. I lifted her shirt over her head as I walk out of my dress kicking it to the side. My hands expertly remove her pants and walk her to the bed. My body lays on top of hers. My lips find the special spot on her neck. "You remembered." She says. As she nips my special spot on my clavicle. "As did you." I reply.

I know we have more to talk about, but I just wanted to feel her skin. My hands slowly glide down her body, revisiting all the places I remembered she liked. Slow gentle fingers remove her smallclothes. Her hands track down her own memory lane and remove my underthings.

I lay back on top of her after my underpants are kicked off. Our thighs in between each other. We rub slightly as lips move together in a dance of desire and love. "Phaedra, please, I need your hands, your fingers." She moans out. I slide a hand down to her sex and feel the heat. My fingers stroke through her hair and I feel the wetness.

"Already, so wet, for me." I said. "Maker, yes. Please." She bumps my hand with her sex. I grab her hand with my other hand and put it on my sex. "Together. I need you just as much." I gasped as her fingers began to move, gliding over my puffed lower lips. Together we enter each other. We take our time pumping in and out. Before either of us reach completion, we change positions. My sex above her face and hers beneath mine.

We shudder as we swipe our tongues up and down. Her taste was as always, chocolate covered fruits, the sweetest ambrosia to me. I lose my rhythm as her mouth seals over my clit, and her fingers find my entrance. Not to be outdone, I copy her as well as put a pinky in her other hole. "Mon Dieu!" she gasps as my fingers and tongue establish an even rhythm. In no time she is squirming underneath me, her task forgotten.

"Maker, you are driving me crazy Phaedra." She says as I stop and wiggle my sex in her face. "You want to cum, don't you ma douce?" I said. "Please… I need to…" She begs. "As do I, you do not get to cum. Not until I do, so, get back to it." I said. She starts licking and fingering my sex, I merely just blow cool air on hers.

Her other hand comes to my clit, she alternates for a brief amount of time, between licking and rubbing. I get a wicked idea, and use a trick Anders had used on me. I coat my finger in a very thin layer of ice and begin to rub the outside of her burning sex. Her body jerks at the first stroke and her sex bumps my lips. "Maker, if you keep doing that, I do not think I will outlast you." she pleads.

"Work harder than, because this is too enjoyable." I said. She doubles her efforts, and I stroke the outer lips again and follow it by a lick. Her fingers move faster, and she adds a third. Her pace slows down to allow me to adjust. I approve of it, so, I treat her with a finger sinking into her and matched her rhythm. My tongue follows suit again.

I was close, as was she. One more thrust and a suck on my clit has me cumming. I stroke her clit with my tongue as I add another cold finger inside of her. Her body jerks and her nectarine coats my tongue. We collapse together. Her breathing is labored, she seems tired, but I still had plenty of energy.

I turn back around and run my fingers up and down her body. "Tu veux plus?" She asks. "Ma nuvenin, melanada." I reply. I slide back on top of her and kiss her again. I sit back on my haunches, pull her into my arms and cross my legs. Her legs wrap around my hips, and I once again enter her with my fingers. She leisurely rides with my guidance into another orgasm. She pushes me over, topping me.

"I believe, it is your turn to cum again my sweet." She says as she moves down my body. Her hot breath teases my sensitive clit. I gasp again as she enters and at the same time sucks in my clit. We were not in a hurry, she took her time to coax another orgasm out of me. She collapses on me. I hold her in my arms.

Ten minutes later she is quietly snoring on top of me, I turn her and lay her down, careful not to disturb her. I get up and find my small clothes and put them back on. I needed to get back to Bryce, it was almost dinnertime. I pull up my dress and gently shake her awake. Her eyes flutter open.

"Hello ma douce. Could you retie my dress? I need to get back to Bryce." I asked she nods and as quickly as she untied it, they were tied again. "Thank you my sweet." I replied and pick up my shoes and begin putting them back on. She looks away. "It is almost dinner time. You know Sasha can't cook." I said.

"I know, but we, we still haven't actually talked." She says. "I figured we could talk after dinner." I said. Her eyes widen. "You would like me to join you for dinner?" She asks. "Why would I not? it has been a very long-time ma Vhenan. We have much to discuss still." Her eyes get watery and she hastens to put her clothes on again.

"You called me ma vhenan." She says as my hand clasps hers and we walk to the estate. "I call you that, because it is what you are. Ar lath ma, vhenan. That has never changed." I said. She hides her face in my neck and begins to cry quietly. "Je t'aime aussi. That has never changed either." She says.

By the time we have reached the estate her tears have dried. "Bryce? Sasha?" I ask loudly. I hear a squeal and fast little feet "Mamaaaaaa!" Bryce says and jumps into my arms. He looks at Leliana. "Pretty Lady!" and he jumps from my arms to hers, thankfully she had no problem catching him.

I felt so light and happy, I could not stop smiling as all of us prepared dinner. Leliana, cleaning up dishes that were no longer needed. Sasha cutting up more vegetables to add to the pot. Bryce, mostly just keep the dog from getting under our feet. Dinner was finished quickly. Sasha volunteered to do the dishes that were left.

My heart warmed when Bryce begged in his own way for Leliana to tell him a story. She happily told him the story of Andraste, by request. He fell asleep shortly afterwards again. We left the room. Sasha was inexplicably missing. We shrugged and went to sit next to the fire place. My back leaning against the wall as Leliana sat between my legs.

"I was not upset that you left me. I understood why. I just wish I knew where we had stood, when you did." I tell her. "I wanted to tell you that I was leaving, but I felt like I had betrayed you. I didn't know what I could say." She says. "A note, that said. 'I still love you.' and if we were still together or not. Might have been nice." I said to her.

"I was leaving you, I gave you back your ring. Most people would know that it was over." She says. "I am not most people, I was your betrothed. Stubbornly, I held on to that we were on a break and not officially over. For three years, Leli." I said. "You should not have. I had no idea when or if we would ever get back together." She says.

"I know emma lath. But as I said, I was very stubborn." I said. "Bryce's father, was he the first you were with again?" she asks. "No, I was with whores several times. He was the first I tried to move on with. It did not work, for us. We have completely different views on the mage/ templar tension. He wants a revolution to get freedom for mages. I want freedom for the mages, without a civil war." I said.

"And you still loved me?" She asks hopefully. "Yes, I still loved you." I said. "Mon Amor, what do we do now? I do not think I want to part from you again." She says. "Though time and distance may physically separate us, our hearts beat the same." I pulled out my amulet. She reverently touched it. "I thought this had been stolen." She said.

"Dorothea, sent it to me 4 years ago. She said it had been delayed and had just arrived." I informed her. "You have kept it on all these years. And you added your promise ring to it." She said. Pulling out a locket, with my portrait in it and her promise ring on the same chain. I read the engraving. "Forever my love." I kissed her cheek and then gently turned her lips and kissed them.

We break apart a few minutes later. "Perhaps, we should be together again. But, we will have some terms." I said. "Terms?" she asks. "I know you have a job that requires your bardic skills, sometimes all of them. I also know it may be a while before we can be together again." I said. "And?" she asks. "Let us try an open relationship while we are apart." I suggested.

"It is not a bad idea. I just do not want that sort of relationship with you. I have only ever had to use seduction one time, and even then, I could not go through with it. And I do not want to risk you falling for another." She says. "In six and half years, I have never loved another. I do not think I will ever love another." I said.

We made an agreement to be together whenever possible and remain faithful to each other. We sealed the agreement with a kiss and a session of love making in front of the fire. Sleepily, with our clothes in our hands, we trudge down the hall and fall asleep in my bed. When I woke the next day, I found myself alone in bed, and Bryce was gone.

I bolt upright, grab my robe and rush out the bedroom door. I sigh in relief when I hear them in the kitchen. "Mamae." Bryce says. "Well, there goes breakfast in bed for mommy." Leliana says, and kisses my cheek. I kiss her lips. She seems stunned and looks at Bryce, whom had run off before I kissed her.

"Should we not be openly affectionate, in front of him?" She asks. "No, we can. He will have to get used to it eventually. If you are still planning on being with me." I said. "I have not changed my mind. These past years have been torture." She says. "I know, for me too." I said. "You should go get dressed. I will set your plate on the table." She says. I nod and kiss her again, and head to my room to dress.

I sat back down and saw a plate had been set for Sasha too. She smiled brightly when she saw Leliana at the table with us. "So, you two have reconciled?" Sasha asks. "We have." I answer. "Good." She says and sits down to join us.

We got to talking about our time here. "I will be here for another week, then Cassandra, Myself and The Divine will be leaving." Leliana answers Sasha. "So, you are like Divine Justinia's body guard?" I ask her. "I am her left hand. Cassandra is her right hand." She answers. "And that means?" I ask. She explains the position.

"I see, but why were you at Chateau Haine?" Sasha asks. "You were there?" I asked in disbelief. "I was. I saw you and Bryce, but hid. I wasn't ready to speak to you. I was too afraid. As far as why I was there, well, we had been hearing disconcerting rumors of Qunari activity. I unfortunately, could not find anything to support the rumors before I was scheduled to leave." She admits.

"Rilia went there, with an elf named Tallis. I traveled with them, but as far as I knew it was just a high-end heist. The Duke had something that did not belong to him. But, I know nothing else of it. Perhaps, I will grill Rilia when I return." I said. "When is that my love?" She asks. "A week as well. I am waiting for the ship to come back." I said.

A thought occurred to me while I was finishing my toast. "Leli, were you on the ship with us?" I asked. She blushes. "I was. I was hiding still." She said. "You were the cloaked stranger I saw leaning against the hull, when I told Bryce the fade story." I said. She nods. I was not sure if I should be angry about it or not.

"So, we could have talked and worked things out sooner?" I asked. "I don't know. I was still worried and afraid. Are you mad?" she asks. "Not really. We worked it out anyways." I said as I clasp her hand. "Sasha, how far along are you?" Leliana asks. "Two Months. After I see Phaedra safely back to Kirkwall, I was going to take a ship back to Denerim and stay for a while." She says.

"Wait a minute, how did you know Sasha was pregnant?" I asked. Blushing in embarrassment, Leliana told me about Sasha and her run in. "Wait, so you have been spying on us?" I released her hand. I glared at her. I was more irritated than angry. "Technically, you have been too. Dorothea told me about the letters." Leliana says.

"That is not the same thing. If I had been able to ask you, I would have." I said. "Mommy, no fight." Bryce says. Leliana gets up and walks out the door. I sigh and chase after her and grab her arm. "Wait, Leli. Stop, please don't leave again." She turns to me. "I was irritated, not angry. You know I do not like being spied on." I said.

She sighs and wraps her arms around me. "I know. I am just a coward when it comes to you." She says. I kiss her cheek. "Leli, if we are going to do this again, can we get that enchantment removed, so I can see you in the fade?" I asked. She nods into my neck. We return to the estate. "Is everything alright, again?" Sasha asks.

"Yeah. It is okay again." I said to her. "I am sorry my love, but I need to return to the Chantry. I need to check in with my agents guarding Dorothea." Leliana says. "We will come with you. There were some other things, I needed to tell the Divine, Grand Cleric Elthina asked it of me." I said to her. "I think, I will stay here and rest more." Sasha says.

We walked to the Chantry, but did not hold hands again. This was Orlais, who knew who was a spy here. It was not yet time for the Divine to meet with others. I followed Leliana to the door of Justinia's parlor. I waited a moment before the door opened and we entered the room. "Leliana says you have messages from Elthina. What are they?" She asks. I handed her a large envelope still sealed.

I begin to leave the room. "Just a moment Phaedra." She says. I sat down on the love seat Bryce sitting next to me, using Elgar as a foot rest. "Elthina says there may be trouble in Kirkwall, between the mages and templars. You have been living there for some time. Do you have any insights?" She asks.

I explained about Meredith and templars abusing mages, blackmailing them, and about Alrik and his tranquil solution. "I see. So, there is much tension there. Is there a risk of open rebellion?" She asks. "Possibly. However, I think if you remove Knight Commander Meredith, and put Lieutenant Commander Cullen in charge and have him root out the bad templars. Maybe give the mages some freedoms back, it should calm the situation some." I suggest.

Dorothea sighs. "Sadly, I have no control over who runs the circles. I can however, send a message to the Seekers. They could investigate further." She says. "I suppose that would have to do. We have been trying to keep the peace, but it seems to be getting harder to manage." I said.

She agrees to send a message to the Seekers that day and to send an agent to Kirkwall as soon as she can. "Now, about you two? Marriage ceremony?" she asks. "Not yet. However, may I see Dana. I would like her to remove the warding spell, so Phaedra can find me in the fade." Leliana says. "Could you marry us before I leave Val Royeaux?" I asked.

"Are you sure Phaedra? We didn't talk about it." Leliana says. "Do you object?" I asked. "Never. But what of our friends? There is no way they can be here before than." She says. "I do not mean the big one we had planned. Just a private one. Just you, me, Bryce, Elgar, and Sasha." I said. "Not without Cassandra. I need a witness too." Leliana says. She looks to Dorothea.

"Yes, we can have a private ceremony. In two days, I will get all the paperwork done. Where do you want it?" She asks. "In a private meeting room. I do not want too many to know we are married. I know she still has some Spymaster work to do for you." I answer.

Dorothea smiles and nods in appreciation. "I will return to Kirkwall after we are married. I still have my own work to do." I said. "Very well, and Leliana informed me, that none but you two could understand your private letters. So, feel free to send them. But not by that bloody raven." She says. "I promise to not send Jolie to you." I said.

"Send Jolie to me directly. We could make her a new messenger carrier, enchant it to find us." Leliana says. "Aye, we could do that." I reply. "Very well. Dana, is in the infirmary." Dorothea says. She looks at Leliana. "Leliana, be a dear and fetch her please." Leli nods and leaves the room.

Her eyes come back to me. "I would hope you still write to me dear. I would miss our letters dreadfully." She says. "Of course, Most Holy." I tease. "Never mind, not if you continue to call me that." She says. I smile. "I promise Dorothea. I also promise to send you the next chapter in the book series you like. When Varric is done writing it that is." I said. She blushes. "Tell no one." She says. "I won't." I reply.

For the next few minutes Bryce is sitting with Dorothea and asking her for stories. Leliana and a dark-haired mage come in. "Dana, this is my love. Phaedra." She introduces us. We explain what we want done and in a couple of minutes the enchantment is broken. Our connection rushed back to us, taking our feet from beneath us.

I felt whole again as I parted ways from Leliana. I could feel her, as she could feel me. We even tested it out, by arousing each other throughout the day. Needless to say, that night, we rented another room at the inn. Ripped each other's clothes off and made love in a furious passion. I had scratch marks on my sides and back as did she. Once again, we return to the estate and sleep in each other's arms but with clothes on this time.

For the first time in years, my life feels as it should. I knew it would not last long this time around, but I would enjoy every moment we had until we had to part ways again. Once our little ceremony took place and Jolie's message carrier was enchanted, we decided to spend a whole night at the Inn. Sasha and Bryce were kind enough to give us our brief honeymoon. We hardly left the bed but to eat, go to the privy or to bathe. We were exhausted, but extremely satisfied when we returned to the estate. Bryce seemed happy to have the pretty lady around.

I was not sure how Anders would react to me getting married. We weren't together, but I was worried. Leli was not replacing him as Bryce's other parent, but he may still think that. I was worried, that because of that reason he would lose all control, and do something stupid. Something, that could ignite the fires of war.

"You could always not tell him." Leli suggests. "I can't just not tell him. Besides if he doesn't hear it from me, he will hear it from Bryce." I said. "I am not sure Bryce is even aware of what happened. He is only 2." Leli says trying to ease my worries. "I suppose, there isn't much to do but see how it plays out." I admit. I yawn and kiss her good night.

I enjoy each day and night we have together, but as it was going to happen, our last night was upon us. We made love when Bryce and Sasha went out for lunch and shopping. We made dinner together. She sang to Bryce after his bath while I bathed Elgar. I told him a story, he fell asleep. We stayed up semi late with Sasha, then retired.

 **(9:37 Dragon. 16** **th** **day of Wintermarch)**

It felt less devastating to part ways this time. We knew we would be together again as soon as possible. The ship rocked and lulled us to sleep, I had to admit. Not having Leliana in my arms again, made it harder to sleep again. I smiled when I saw Rilia at the dock, Merrill tucked in her side. The rest of my friends there, except Aveline, she had sent her apologies. But still, there was no Anders.

We hugged them each in turn. "Is Anders still gone?" I asked. "Yes. He sent a letter to me though. He said he would be back tomorrow really late and would come by first thing in the morning." Rilia says. I nodded, and told myself he had better come. Isabela runs off. "Visitation with Bethany?" I asked. Rilia nods. Her eyes stare at me and look me up and down. "What?" I asked.

"So, you seem different cousin. Happier, dare I say you even have the glow of love?" Rilia teases, and looks at Sasha as she waves good bye from the ship. "Not from her. I was happy to spend time with her, but she is not the cause for my glow." I answered.

I show her the new gold and emerald ring on my finger. "I got married!" I said. "What?!" They all shout. "Let's go to the Estate. I have a lot to tell you. I imagine you do too." I said to Rilia. We reached the estate with little problems. I did tell them how Elgar joined our family. "Demos will be thrilled. He has a new playmate." Rilia says.

Demos wags his tail and rushes at us Elgar blocks him from Bryce. "Elgar. Demos. Demos, friend. No hurt." Bryce says. Elgar relaxes they sniff each other. Than immediately afterwards they start to play. Bryce yawns and we lay him down on the couch in the library. "So, Spill." Rilia says. I tell them the things that had occurred from leaving Chateau Haine.

"I feel very upset I missed your wedding." Rilia says. "I know, but we agreed to have a large one, where all our friends, family and loved ones can come to. She just needs to finish some unfinished business. She said it would be possible to have the big ceremony in a year, at the soonest. A year and a half at the most." I answer. "Fine. I will accept this." She says.

"Now, I believe it is your turn cousin. What happened with Tallis?" I asked. She told me of her adventures at Chateau Haine. "I knew she was hiding something." I said. "Yes, I was shocked too. But, in all honesty, I don't have a problem with the Qunari, unless they try and invade my city." She said. "What else has happened in my absence?" I asked.

"Well, we met Fenris's sister, and finally killed Danarius. Oh, and I had to hunt down suspected blood mages that had escaped the circle." She says. "Really?" I asked. "Yep. It turns out, only two of them were blood mages. The last one was an idiot who said he was blood mage to try and get laid. I told him to turn himself in, after he had his date. Some people are just too idiotic to survive outside of the Circle." She says.

After Bryce wakes up from his nap we go visit the Chantry. I speak to Elthina. She congratulates me and thanks me for her message from The Divine. She adds her blessing to my marriage. I headed to the Barracks to speak to Aveline, who unfortunately had been unable to greet me when I returned. "Marriage? You?" She asks. "Is that so hard to believe?" I asked back.

"I don't know, I thought you were totally in love with your bard and never wanted to marry anyone but her." Aveline says. "I did marry her. Weren't you listening? I ran into her in Val Royeaux, we talked out our issues and got married a few days before I came back." I said.

"Oh, that is quite the story. How does Bryce feel about Leliana?" She asks. "I love Leli mama. She sings pretty." Bryce says. I was just as shocked as Aveline. "Well, I guess that answers that. Anyways, I need to get back to my reports. Thank you for stopping by. Drinks at your house later?" She asks. "That sounds great Aveline." I said. Bryce hugs her tightly and says he missed her. "I missed you too little one." She replies.

Rilia meets us outside of the Keep. "Hey, I was just coming to get you. I believe I promised you both a visit with the Keeper. "Grandma!" Bryce says excitedly. Which causes the dogs to get excited, and run around. "Settle down." Rilia and I said, and they did. "I just noticed something. Where is that menace of a bird?" Rilia asks. "Jolie is with Leli right now. Turns out Jolie was her messenger bird first." I said.

We hiked up Sundermount, Merrill opting to stay away for now. They were only slightly friendlier to me, but mostly they ignored me, and I really could not care. As soon as Bryce could see Marethari he took off to jump into her arms. "Grandma! Missed You!" he says and begins excitingly chattering at her. "Da Assan, I can hardly understand you. I heard Elgar. Pretty lady. And Leli mama." She says.

"Hello Mamae." I said. She hugs me. Bryce squirms to get down and runs straight to Master Ilen. "What in Creators was he talking about?" She asked. I told her about Val Royeaux, and got much the same reaction to my private marriage. "Da'len, I had hoped you would marry like the People." She said. "I am not of the People, but we had planned on having some of the traditions of the Elven people." I said

"What is that da'len?" she asks. "Well, more like 3 gifts. One is traditional, another is odd, and the last one, no shem has ever had." I reply. "Dirth Ar, ma da'len?" she asks. "The first one, is the traditional ironwood weapon, a bow. The second thing is the odd request, but a pair of Halla antlers. And the final, is a bottle of Dalish Ink." I said.

"I will see what I can do, Da'len. When?" She asks. "A year." I reply. "I will try da'len. Speak to Ilen, he had something for you and if you know your love's measurements he can start working on the bow for her." She says. "Thank you, Mamae." I replied. "You are welcome my child, now let me spend some time with my Grandson." I nod and head over to Ilen's table.

"Andaran atish'an Master Ilen. The Keeper said you had wished to see me." I greet him. "Andaran atish'an, da'len. Yes, I have been holding onto a present for you. I wanted to give it to you on your 32nd name day." He hands me a present wrapped in faded vellum. You could barely see the ink on it. "I have had it since you were 11." He says. It touched me that he had kept it for me these 21 years

I opened the wrapping paper and saw a beautiful ironwood box, the size of a jewelry box. The clasp was made from Halla antler. When I opened that too, my hand went to my mouth and tears began to well. "A master craftsman tools… Oh Master Ilen… it's beautiful. thank you so much." I said. then I found myself shocked as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Alright, alright da'len. I overheard the Keeper. You would like a bow for your wife, correct?" I nod. He hands me some charcoal and paper. "Sizes please. I would be honored to make one for her." He says. Again, I was shocked. Ilen and Mamae have always treated me with kindness and love. He reads the paper. "I will have it done in 2 weeks." He says.

"Now, what are the Halla antlers for, maybe I could help with those?" he asks. "I wanted to make a necklace, decorative daggers, and a couple of belt buckles for us." I told him. "Well, I can certainly help you master Halla crafting." He says.

"But, I am not allowed here without Rilia." I said. I understood the basics. "Then I will show you now, while you are visiting." He says. "Will that be enough time?" I asked. "Not for everything you would like to do. But certainly, a statuette. That way I can see how well you know it." He says.

Marethari comes up to me. "Rilia said she needs to go to the wounded coast. I have announced you to have guest rights. The others will not bother you. Besides, it gives me more time with Bryce." She says. "Okay, thank you Keeper." I said with a bow of my head. "Shall we begin then?" Ilen asks. I nod enthusiastically.

For the next couple of hours, he explains the process of curing, and starting to carve it. By the time Rilia returns, I had made a mini statue of Banal'ras, Elgara, Elgar, and Mr. Schmooples. "That is very fine work indeed my dear. I want you to keep practicing." He hands me a satchel with half a set of Halla antlers, and a bottle of ink. I thank him again and bid farewell.

The sun had just set when we returned to Kirkwall. We headed straight for the estate. "What, no Hightown gang ambushes?" I asked. "Nah., We took care of them a couple of nights before your ship came in. Took care of the ones on the docks too. Just have Lowtown left, but they seem to be hiding from us whenever we go to Lowtown." She says.

It was rather nice to already have dinner ready when we got home. "I honestly am happy, you gave Orana a job. It is nice not to have to cook all the time." I reply after thanking Orana for the meal. She did seem lonely sitting in the kitchen by herself. "Excuse me." I said getting up and heading to the kitchen.

"Mistress, do you have need of me?" She asks. "Yes. I need you to sit at the table with us." I said. "But, I am a servant. That is not the proper way from what I heard." She says back. "I do not care much for proper. Come join us and then I will come help you with the dishes after Bryce goes to bed." I said. "I do not know Mistress." She replies. I stick my head out the door way. "Cousin, do you mind if Orana joins us?" I asked

"I have asked her to on several occasions." Rilia says in the doorway. She then looks at Orana. "Please, Orana. We see you as part of our family. Join us." She says gently. Orana with the hint of tears in her eyes follows Rilia as I grab her plate, and set her down next to me. She seemed like she would cry, I comfort her by rubbing her back. She blushes. But calms and begins to eat with us.

Bryce goes to bed without any trouble or even a story. As soon as his head hits the pillow he is out. "Stay. Protect." I tell Elgar, she huffs like I was stupid to even order that. I head back into the estate and the kitchen.

Orana, seems shocked. "Mistress?" She asks. "Phaedra. And I promised I would help you clean up." I said taking the towel from her slack grip. She washes, I dry, then we switch for the second batch. We hum as we work.

An hour passed, and we were finished. I bid her goodnight, with a pat on her back. I sit in my favorite chair in the library, and pull out the chapter of Hard in Hightown I was reading. In a few minutes, the door opens to a blushing Orana. "Are you well, Orana?" I asked.

"Mistress… Phaedra, you are very kind to me. I was taught to return kindness." She says. I did not like where this was going. Her dress falls to the floor and she is bare beneath. "I have made myself ready, use me as you please." She says.

I stand up and grab her dress and pull it back up her body. "Mistress?" she asks. "You are very beautiful, but we do not use our servants. I treat you with kindness, because it is who I am." I said. "Phaedra, you are being kind even as you reject me, am I not pleasing enough to the eye?" She asks, now insecure. "You are very pleasing to the eye. As I said, we do not use our servants. Also, I am married, and will be faithful to my wife." I said. "But, how do I repay this kindness?" She asks.

"Be kind to others, but do not give your body to others as an act of kindness. Your body should be given to whom you want, when you want to." I said. "Have I heard wrong what is expected of a servant?" She asks.

"Possibly, who told you how servants should act?" I asked. "Master Gamlen, he said a servant is to do as they are bid by all in the family I serve." She says. "Did he make you do stuff with him?" I asked my voice shaking.

"He ordered me to rub his feet without clothes on, as he pleasured himself. Did I do wrong?" She asks. "No, no. He did. Come here, sit with me." I explained that a servant is a person. And they have the right to say no, if someone wants them to do something, that they don't want to. She began to cry, and I held her for a while. "I will speak with my Uncle, but you never, ever have to do anything he wants you to do." I said. She nods.

She seems interested in the books. "You know, you are allowed to read any books you want." I said. "I do not know how to read. Slaves are forbidden." She says. "I can't believe I forgot that. I just have never seen you as a slave. Would you like to learn?" I asked. "Yes, please. I would love to." She says. "Alright, we will start tomorrow, for tonight we should get some rest." I said. she nods, darts in and kisses my cheek. "Thank you." She replies before heading to her room.

Yawning and realizing how bone tired I am, I too go to my bed. Tomorrow, was more than likely going to be a rough day. I was still worried about how Anders would react. But there wasn't much I could do, but hope for the best and brace myself for the worst. I kissed Bryce again, and patted Elgar, removed all but my under clothes and settled into my bed.

* * *

 **A/N: Elven and (French) words. English to French Dictionary. Elven dragon age wiki**

 **(ma douce)- my sweet**

 **(Tu veux plus)-you want more**

 **(Je t'aime auss)-i love you too** **(mon petite)- my little one**

* * *

 **Elven dragon age wiki loose translation** **Ma nuvenin, melanada- as you say, all time** **Ar lath ma, vhenan- i love you, my heart** **Da Assan- Little arrow** **emma lath- my love** **Dirth Ar, ma da'len- tell me my little one**


	10. Chapter 10

**One more Chapter after this to the end. I do not think it has been my best work. Please read and review.**

* * *

 **(9:37 Dragon Age 17** **th** **day of Wintermarch)**

Anders returning home and learning of my marriage was thankfully greeted with happiness. "I am happy you and your love have come together at last." He says. "Anders, I want you to know, you will always be his father. No one can replace you." I said. "I know Phae. But I am happy, because I know that you will both be cared for after I am gone." He says.

"Gone?" I asked. "Grey Warden, remember. Sooner or later my calling will come, and I will answer it." He says. I hug him. "I hope it is later. Even if we argue and don't agree, I still care about you too." I said. "I know. Thank you, Phae." He says.

Our moment was interrupted by our son squealing "Daddy." Anders scoops him up and looks at Elgar. "Why couldn't you have gotten a cat. Cats are way better." He says teasing his son, mostly.

I waved them off. Anders said he would bring him back by lunch time. I went back into the estate and donned my armor, which was tighter than I remembered. "Looks like I need new armor." I said. I took it off and gave it to Bodahn for his store.

I hardly looked threatening in my casual dress, but Gamlen needed a good talking to. Before, I get out the door, Rilia shouts at me from the second story. "Where are you going, so early in the morning all rawr?" She asks.

"To pay a visit to dear Uncle Gamlen." I said. "What has he done now?" She asks more seriously as she heads down the stairs. "Dear Uncle Gamlen, was most inappropriate with Orana." I said. She comes closer, grabbing her armor from the stand. "How?" She asks putting it on.

"He ordered Orana to rub his feet, while she was naked, and he pleasured himself." I said. I recognize the fury in her eyes. "Oh, how I wish I could kill that man." She says. She tells Bodahn where we are going, he promises to inform Merrill when she wakes up.

We banged on his door. "Sod it all! Do you have any idea what time it is!" he pulls open the door. His expression pales, he knows we are pissed at him. "So, ummm, what can I do for you?" he asks nervously. "You can stay away from Orana. Uncle what you did was wrong. You took advantage of her naivety, and used her for your sexual fantasies." I said.

"What? I have never touched her. I certainly have never bedded her. What lies is she telling you, damn knife ear…" before he goes on a rant Rilia socks him with her armored arm. "You are lucky you are my mother's, maker bless her soul, brother, or I would slit your throat using that term, and calling Orana a liar. I have had many complaints about you Uncle, from several women. So, I know damn well she wasn't lying." Rilia says.

"Here's the deal Uncle. You will treat Orana with respect when you enter the Estate. Or you will stay away." I said. "You have no right. That estate is mine as much as yours." He says. "No, Uncle, you lost it. Mother and I reclaimed it, without any help from you." Rilia says.

"Phaedra didn't help either, why is she there then?" He asks. "Phaedra, is more my family than you have ever been." Rilia says. "And I respect every aspect of her home. Including those who live there." I said.

We left him shortly afterwards. "I am still angry. I need to beat something." Rilia says and as if to answer our shared needs, we are ambushed. It felt good to let loose again. It did not take me long to figure out who our attackers were.

`There was one man left standing, I tossed the crow dagger I had in my hands and it hit the mark killing him instantly. "Why did you do that? I needed to question him." She says. "They are Antivan Crows." I told her handing her another dagger I picked up.

"Why did they attack? Did someone order a hit on me? I am flattered." She says. I loot their bodies, and search their hidden pockets. "Don't be, I am sorry to say, but they weren't here for you." I said.

She catches the bag of gold I toss at her. "Who then?" She asks. "Me." I reply and show her the orders. "Phaedra Amell is to be killed on sight, for harboring and consorting with a traitor to the Crows." She reads out loud. "I thought I saw Nuncio as we passed by the Rose." I said.

"Who are you harboring?" she asks. "No one. But, I think they are talking about Zevran." I said. "The Crow who fought in the blight with you?" she asks. "Yep, which means Zevran is here in the Marches somewhere. I thought we had already taken care of this." I said.

"Where would Zevran be?" She asks. "I do not know. We will have to speak to Nuncio." I said. "Won't he just attack you on sight?" She asks. "Nope. He will send several Crows first to weaken and wear me out." I said.

Unsurprisingly, Nuncio was gone. But lucky for us he left his orders and a lead on where Zevran went. "The Dalish Camp. You should probably get there fast. Take Isabela. She knows Zevran." I said.

"Wait, I thought we would do this together?" She asks. "Bryce is due home soon, I do not have time to go there, disarm the traps, I am sure he set, then head to Nuncio's location and back." I said.

I need not have waited for Bryce to return home, apparently Anders brought him early and left him with Bodahn. "He said it was an emergency, then left, about an hour ago." Bodahn says. That was only an hour after he picked him up. I felt the familiar surge of anger, then I felt bad for Bryce.

I found him in the Library curled up on the couch hugging Elgar. "Mon Petit?" I said, his eyes were red and puffy he had been crying. "Daddy not love me anymore?" I sat down, and picked him up cradling him in my arms.

"Of course, he loves you da assan." I said. "Then why he goes?" he asks. "Daddy, had an emergency at the Clinic. He had to go." I said. I felt him shake his head. "Daddy left Sketch in charge." He says.

"I do not know then, but he does love you." I said, and kissed his cheeks and held him close, until he cried himself to sleep. Rilia came in quietly. "I asked Isabela and Varric to meet me at the entrance to the city. I know, you want to be here for Bryce, but you know his tricks better. Can you please come?" She asks.

I thought about it a moment and decided, that he would come with me, he would be happy to see Grandma again so soon. "Can you get me his carrier, we will go. I refuse to leave him here. I think seeing Grandma will make him happy and I believe she already has his Wintersend gift for him." I said. She nods and brings it to me, I hand him to her after she sets down the carrier. I put it on my front, knowing assassins loved to attack from behind.

The swaying motion of my steps did nothing to wake him. He really did sleep like a rock. As soon as we left Kirkwall, I put an arcane shield around us. Not even arrows could pass through it. We did get ambushed, but thankfully the Ranger and Hunters had set up their own ambush. What I had always appreciated of the clan is their need to protect children, even shem children. Which is what Bryce was considered, his ears were more rounded than mine.

"Da'len. You have returned so soon. I can feel your sorrow in waves though they are tinged by anger. What has happened?" I follow Mamae to her tent as Rilia begins asking the Dalish about Zevran.

"Da Assan, is very sad. He feels like his father does not love him anymore." I said after I laid him in her fur bed. "Why does he think this?" she asks. "His father was supposed to spend the day with him. He brought him back to the Estate after an hour. He told Bodahn it was an emergency." I said.

"His father is the healer, is he not? Sometimes, they must go." She says. "I know Mamae, but Bryce said he had left Sketch in charge. Sketch is as adapt at healing if not better then Anders." I said.

"I am sorry da'len, I feel for Da Assan too. Perhaps his Wintersend gift will brighten his day." She says. "I thought it would help to come here, so many of the Clan here love him as I do." I said. "But, I have a feeling that is not the only reason you came. I saw that Zevran you told me about." She says.

"Rilia and I were attacked by Antivan Crows, I was there target. I need to see this through or they may take ma da assan." I said. "You still think as they do." She says. "Zevran was a very good teacher, once he stopped trying to bed me that is." I said. "Go, quickly he is in the Varterral Hunting grounds. Try to return swiftly." She says. "I will Mamae." I reply and meet Rilia at the path to the grounds.

We enter the cave. "What should we expect?" Rilia asks. "Numerous leg traps, stunning traps, poison traps, possibly a fire trap or two." I reply. "Can you find and disable all of them?" She asks. "I can, he taught me his traps." I said.

"Lead the way then." She says. "Really, I don't even have armor." I said. "About that, Master Ilen gave this to me. He said he figured you would need it at some point." She hands me a set of Dalish Armor. I was not sure it would fit.

I found a place to change away from lust addled pirate eyes. I breathe a sigh of relief when it fits perfectly. It would do, I would still prefer heavier armor, but I could always make or buy some when I got back to Kirkwall.

"Damn, and I was hoping for the armor that had an exposed midriff. Then again, your legs are nice too, and your ass." Bela says. "Bela!" I hiss at her, she chuckles. Rilia glares at her. She holds up her hands in surrender.

Once I had been able to compose myself, we continued through the caves. I had to stop and disarm several traps, some even Isabela and Varric had never even heard of. The last trap is disarmed, and I saw no more.

"According to the map that is the last room." Rilia says. Something felt out of place, if it was the last room it would have triple the traps we have disarmed already, but there were none. "Rilia, do not let the lack of traps deceive you, ready your weapons." I said.

As soon as we get halfway into the room a Varterral falls from the ceiling. "I thought we killed this thing already." Rilia comments. "Once a Varterral is bound by magic to something, it cannot be completely defeated until the bond is broken." I said.

We were running around the room avoiding its legs. "Can you unbind it?" She asks. "I am afraid not, only a Keeper can." I said. "Maybe Daisy should have come along." Varric says. "She would not be able to either. Binding a Varterral is the last spell the First learns. She would not know it either." I said.

"Wonderful." Bela says. "Wouldn't it attack Zevran too?" Rilia asks. "They usually leave the Elven alone. Zevran is probably somewhere high up, watching us while he polishes his daggers." I said.

Another leg dodge and I rolled beneath it and shooting fire into it's belly. "Really, so he is around here somewhere pleasuring himself, and I am missing it." Bela says. "Daggers, Bela. Polishing his daggers, not his cock." I said. Finally, the Varterral is down.

"Maker Bela, what is wrong with you. You have not talked about sex or flirted like this since before Bethany." Rilia says. "Mmmm…" She does the faraway glance. "I cannot help that I still feel the ghost of Bethany's sex. The things she does with her hands." Bela says.

"Maker! I do not need to hear about my sister's sexual prowess." Rilia says. "Oh, that is a shame, because I could stand to hear a bit more. I am already at half-mast." An Antivan accented voice says.

"Ah, Zevran. Still as crass as ever." I said. He chuckles. "Indeed, my beautiful Phaedra. Mmm… I must say motherhood has definitely agreed with your figure." He says. I cover myself on instinct. He laughs again.

"And you have become shy. I remember years ago. You naked outside of a tent. Oh, look I have grown stiff with the memory." He says. I blush scarlet. "I knew it. I knew you would never let that go." I said. "Wait, you and Zevran…?" Rilia asks.

"Sadly, no. I never got the pleasure of her body." He says. "Then, why was she naked?" Bela asks, and I could see her picturing my nudity. "Stop. Both of you. I know those looks. Quit undressing and fucking me with your eyes." I said. They both laugh. "But, I really do want to know." Bela asks.

"Might I put us back on track here. You knew we would come?" Rilia asks. "Not you specifically, I expected the Crows, hence the traps and guardian. How is it that it is you, who comes here?" he asks. "We'll tell you on the way out of here. I need to get back to the camp." I said.

"Alright. Here we are." Zevran says. "Short version. Nuncio sent a bunch of Crows after me. I would have stayed back, but I need to see this finished." I said. "Yes, I agree. Once we dispatch of Nuncio, I will head to Antiva. I will need to remove their current leader. Once that is done, I will see our contracts as well as Bryce's rendered null in void." He says. "Thank you, Zevran. I would come with you, but I cannot take Bryce there, at all." I said.

"Wait, they would kill a child?" Isabela says aghast. "No, no my dear. The contract on Bryce is for capture only. They would want him alive." Zevran says. "Why?" Varric asks. "To make him into either a Crow or slave, whatever they would get more worth from. Also, if they had failed to kill me as they usually do, a lure for me." I said. "Would they not do the same with any of us, we all matter to you. Is your wife in danger?" Rilia asks.

"If her wife is Leliana, they would not stand a chance." Zevran says. "Yes, she is my wife. Before you get all offended, we will have a large ceremony in year or year and half." I said he nods at me in respect. "That is very thoughtful, and I am appreciative of that." he replies. Bryce was just waking up as I arrived in Mamae's tent.

"Ooh… I like." He says about my armor. Then his lips turn into a pout. "You left me here." He says beginning to tear up. "I am sorry Da Assan, I had no choice. You were safer here. Grandma and the Dalish would protect you." I said and gathered him in my arms.

"When you are older and stronger, Mamae will teach you to fight and then you can help protect mommy and yourself." I promised him. Perhaps, it would not be the best idea, or maybe it would be. I did not know, but I would not allow him to feel like he was not wanted or loved anymore. "Okay. Mamae." He says.

"Da assan, listen. Mommy needs to leave again. I need to stop some bad men from hurting our family. I love you, I will always love you. Mommy will be back. Grandma is going to look after you. She even says your Wintersend gift is ready." His eyes widen. "Mommy loves me? be back? promise." He says. "With all my heart." I ruffle his hair and kiss him.

Before the day had turned dusk, Nuncio was dead, Zevran had left, and I was back at the Dalish Camp. I did not see Bryce right away, so, I had time to remove the blood from my hands, armor and weapons, and have Bela stitch me up. From the lucky strike Nuncio got on me.

I found him sitting by the fire, it was nearly time for the Hahren to tell a tale. "Phaedra, please sit, you and your friends are welcome to hear tonight's story." The Hahren said. Rilia seemed excited, but I could not help but remember the Hahren from Zathrian's clan and how he made it a point to be rude to Sasha.

"What story will you be telling?" I ask. Depending on the story, I would decline for us all. "The story of Elgar 'nan. Bryce seem interested in knowing more of the Creators. You have not told him much of them. I taught you better than that." He says.

"Yes, Hahren, you did, but you also told me not to share too much of them with others outside of the People." I said. "I did, teach that." he says. "So, I made a promise to myself that only the Keeper or Hahren would tell him about them." I said.

"I thank you for that respect, therefore I have chosen to share it with your friends and him. Please, sit join us. Eat with us." He says. I feel suspicion, but I sit down on the ground my back leaning against the bench as Bryce crawls into my lap. I was thankful I had the wisdom to put on a numbing poultice.

"Long ago, when time itself was young, the only things in existence were the sun and the land. The sun, curious about the land, bowed his head close to her body. Elgar 'nan was born at the place where the sun and land touched." He spoke. Bryce, had become enraptured by the tale.

The Hahren approached me. "You son, sure loves tales and stories. He reminds me of you, I saw how enraptured you became with the story too. I have spoken the Marethari and she agrees, that you may tell our stories. Even write them if you so wished." He says. "Thank you Hahren. I would be honored to do both. But, something has been on my mind." I said.

"What is that?" he asks. "It is not that I do not appreciate it or honor it, but why has the Clan become so kind to me again?" I asked. "It will sound silly." He says. "Please Hahren?" I asked. "We realize what we have lost. You brightened every day, once you left, it became harder to see things differently. Most of us, but a very few, miss you." he says. "Sometimes, I miss the Clan too, even though I was never truly of the People." I admit. He returns to the others, we return home.

Anders is sitting in the foyer. Bryce had fallen asleep on the journey back. I glare at him, and keep walking through, he follows me. "Do not follow me, Anders." He tries to ignore me, and I cast a glyph of paralysis at his feet. As well as repulsion on the door. Bryce was now in his bed, I met Anders outside of door. "What was so fucking important, that you ditched him after an hour? Please do not use Justice as an excuse." I said to him.

"I found someone who could translate the Tevinter texts I acquired, to learn how to separate myself and Justice. I did not know how long he would be in Kirkwall." He admits. "I thought I told you not use Justice as an excuse." I said, irritated.

"It isn't an excuse. I know what ingredients I need, to make the potion." He says. I sigh. "Fine, take care of it. Afterwards, I expect you to devote more of your time outside of the Clinic with Bryce." I said. "I will. I give you my word." He says. "And I will hold you to it." I reply.

 **(9:37 Dragon 14** **th** **day of Guardian)**

Unfortunately, the potion Anders had made did not separate him and Justice. But, he has so far delivered on his word. Everyday, he saw Bryce and spent the daytime hours with him. It was nice to be able to leave with Rilia more and work with Bernar, but I missed my da assan.

I had just laid Bryce down for the night and was drifting off myself, when I heard a knock on my exterior door. "Merde… who can that be?" I asked. By Elgar's lack of barking or growling I knew they were not a threat. I opened the door, and there my wife was. "Leli." I strained out before I grabbed and pulled her into my arms and kissed her soundly.

When the need for air surfaced we separated and she looked around. "Bryce is in his room, asleep." I told her. I showed her to his room she saw he was asleep and kissed his cheek. We shut his door and walked to my room.

"I am happy to see you love. I did not expect to see you so soon." I said, in my normal voice. "I was surprised to be sent here too." She whispers. "Leli, you do not have to whisper. Bryce sleeps like a rock." I told her. "In that case." She picked me up bridle style, which elicited a squeak from me.

Her lips covered mine, our kissing began fierce and passionate, then became slow, gentle, but with just as much passion. She laid me down on my bed. I chuckled. "Here I thought a sexy Rogue would claim me in a fierce passion." I teased. She smiled and crawled on top of me.

"I admit, I had thought to do just that. But, as we were kissing, I realized I wanted to relish every touch and kiss. I will be up front, and hope that this will not kill the mood. But, I am the agent Divine Justinia decided to send to investigate the mage/templar situation." She says.

I cupped her cheek and stroked her lips with my thumb. "How long do we have?" I asked. "A few days, maybe three." She says. I move hair behind her ear. "Then we will just have to make the best of the time we have." I said before lowering her head and meeting her lips.

I feel her hand glide down my barely clothed body and over my side, my hip, then my thigh, to behind my knee as she places my leg over her hip. She rolls over onto her back. I do not rush as each article of her clothing is removed, every kiss is lingering and layered with all the love I have for her.

Her hand runs through my still too long hair, as the other caresses my shoulders and back. Now, I had asked Isabela about what Bethany does, hoping it was using magic to pleasure your partner.

In exchange for that information, I told her how I ended up naked outside of a tent. It was an awkward conversation with Bethany, and her teaching me how to do it using my arm as an example. This seemed like a great time to try it.

I kissed into Leli's neck and shocked her by using vines, a trick Merrill taught me to tie her to the bed post. "Ooh… a new trick… I like where this is going mon amor." She says. "Glad to hear that Emma Lath." I said. I distracted her with kisses as I warmed my hand with magic.

She gasped as I slid it down the same path she had taken earlier on me. Her moans increased as I brought my chilled hand down her other side. As I slid both my hands back up very small electrical currents hit her every special spot. She orgasmed before I had even finished my path back up.

I grinned and kissed the shocked look off her face. "Well, that was a record." I said teasingly she blushed, looked away but had a silly grin on her face. I turned her face to me and kissed her more, then traveled down her body, to her sex.

I blew cool air on it once, before stroking her labia and entrance with my tongue. I grinned again and made more vines tie her legs to the bed. With two fingers pumping into her sex, I repeated the same set of magic but muted even more. Again, in seconds she comes again. I dispel the vines.

Immediately she flips me over and runs her hands up and underneath my night gown. I hear groan as she realizes I am wearing no panties. She cups my sex rubbing it, top to bottom. Her finger eases into me, she is merciless in her rhythm causing me to peak in a minute flat.

She pulls her fingers out and pops them in her mouth. "I want to see you, before we do anymore. But, let us not use magic for a bit, I am still pulsing and twitching." She says. I smile. "I can do that." I said.

My clothes come off slightly faster than hers did, but slow enough to enjoy her every touch on the newly exposed skin. I shiver as she kisses, sucks and licks her way down. She nips my stomach, and I clench, releasing some arousal fluid. She smirks, and follows with series of nips to my inner thighs. "Maker, Leli please." I plead. "What do you wish of me?" She asks. "Please, eat me." I begged. "In Orlesian, mon amor." She says.

"S'il vous plait. Mange moi." I said. "As ma vhenan wishes, so I shall obey." She says and as her lips encompass my clit, I felt like exploding all over again. Her finger did not stay idle either, I could her the squelching as she thrusted in and out of my sex.

It took longer to peak but not by much. I was not sure I could take anymore pleasure, but Leli did not agree. She parted my leg and mounted me, I felt tingles from where our sexes touched. "See, still pulsing." She says as she begins to rub on me. It is a much slower and yet more satisfying orgasm we reach together, before she collapses on me.

"Merde, I am exhausted. I have not had so much pleasure since the last time we were together." She says. "Really? Not even by yourself?" I asked. "I tried, but I lost interest in it before I ever came. I just wanted you." She says.

"It was the same for me as well. We should wash up and put clothes on, before we sleep. Bryce gets up fairly early." I said. She groans. "But, I do not want to, I want feel your bare skin against mine while we sleep." She says. I chuckle. "Very well, Ma vhenan, I could never say no to you anyways." I said. We lay in post coital bliss for some time before Leli gets off me.

"Leli?" I ask. "I have changed my mind. Do you have something I could wear?" She asks. I chuckle and get up. She watches my naked form head to the wardrobe. I feel her calloused finger slide over the newly acquired scar on my hip, just over my ass.

"This is new, what happened Mon Ange?" She asks. "A parting gift from Nuncio." I said. "Nuncio, as in the Crows?" She asks. "They put out a contract for my death. As well as a contract for capture on Bryce. Zevran, is trying to annul them." I said.

Her arms wrap around me. "Maybe, you two should leave with me. I can keep you safer that way." She nuzzles my neck. I hug her arms to me. "You know I would not like having one of your agents shadow me constantly." I said.

I turn in her arms and wrap my arms around her back. "And ma vhenan has far too much to do, so you could not be with us every waking moment." I said. "I know, but, I am afraid. I cannot lose you again. I just cannot." She says her voice hitching.

"Shh ma sa'lath. I do not wish to lose you either. I must remain here for now, at least until we can make other arrangements. Which means, I need to consult Anders." I said. "Bring him with you. I am sure he would love to leave Kirkwall." She says.

"I am sure to. I think he is preparing Sketch to take over." I said. "Sketch? Sketch is here?" She asks. "Yes. You didn't know?" I asked. "No, when I saw him last, outside of Denerim, I assumed he stayed there." She says.

She got quiet for a bit. "What is wrong, my love?" I asked. "Nothing. Just remembering the past. I think I would like to see him before leaving." She says. "We will. He should be running the clinic tomorrow. Anders wanted to take Bryce on an outing, to learn more of herbs." I said. "Is that wise, with the Crows?" She asks. "Anders is aware of them, but to our knowledge. There are no more Crows in or near Kirkwall. He will keep Bryce safe." I said.

We held each other a few more minutes before we finally dress for bed. "These are very comfortable." She says, about the pants and tunic I gave her. "Yes, they are the most comfortable night clothes I own." I said.

"Now they are mine." She says. "But… but." I said. I had no argument to keep them. "Very well, they look better on you anyways." I said. She kisses my cheek. "You are too kind." She says, pulling me by the hand back to bed.

Bryce woke us by jumping on us, Elgar kindly did not join him. "Leli mama! When?" he asks. "I got here really late last night mon petit chou. I did not want to wake you. So, what have you been up to?" She asks.

I yawn, stretch, and get out of bed as Leli patiently and attentively listens to his broken sentences. "That is a very nice statuette you have mon petit." She says. "Present from Granma." He says. He pulls her hand. "I have more." He says, and I can't help the smile that plays across my face as she lets him drag her away.

Bringing a pitcher of water and three glasses, I follow them. "You really love statuettes, don't you?" She asks. He nods enthusiastically. "I knew a man once who loved statuettes too, he used to place them all over near his bedroll, every night. Then, when we broke camp he would always pack them back up." She says.

Once properly dressed we head back into the estate, all the while he is chattering away at her. He only stopped when Anders came in. "Daddy." He runs to him and jumps into his arms. Anders and Leliana cordially greet each other. "Can Leli mama come?" Bryce asks. I tense.

"If she would like to, I do not see why not." he says. "As much as I would love to, I cannot. I have some things to attend to today." She says. He hugs her good bye and climbs up Anders's back. He looks at Leli, then briefly pecks my cheek good bye.

We started heading to Anders's Clinic. "Does he usually kiss you good bye like that?" She asks, I could not tell if she was jealous or suspicious of his actions. "Usually. Why? Jealous?" I half tease. "What is to be jealous of? I do not recall you gasping his name last night." She is slightly serious.

"Then why did it upset you?" I asked. "The fact that he did kiss your cheek is not the issue. I just wonder of his intentions behind it." She says. "Leli, there is no intention behind it. He is atrocious at the Game. His kiss is as genuine as Sasha's." I said.

"I am sorry mon amor, it is sometimes hard not to see the Game, in everything." She says. Before we can get to the Clinic, several Carta ambush us. I had forgotten how Leli flowed in battle, she was an artist. I found myself distracted by the way her muscles moved, again the battle became instinct. My eyes never straying from her.

"I am pleased to see you have not lost your touch in battles either." Leli says smirking me. "I see you have not either, though…" I threw a winter blast at a hidden enemy. "You missed one." I said smirking back. "Cheeky." She says.

Sketch was shocked to see Leliana. "Leliana, I have not seen you since the night we spent together. What was that a year ago?" He says. I see Leliana cringe, she slowly turns to me as if expecting censure. "We weren't together. The past is the past." I said. "Really, you are fine with it?" she asks.

"Yes, Leli, what you did while we were apart has no bearing on our present or our future." I said. She still seemed anxious over it. "He is very handsome though, perhaps we could share him for a night?" I asked. They both blush. "Is she serious?" He asks. Leli looks at me, I nod. "Yes, I would say she is." Leli says.

We did not make plans to share an evening, but they did catch up. "It was nice to see him. Our paths crossed close to Tug Remembrance Day. We drank a bit too much, and one thing led to another." She says.

"I wonder what his cock looks like?" I asked absentmindedly. "You are interested in cocks now? Do I need to worry?" She asks. "Curious, really. The only man I have been with was Anders." I said.

"Hmmm… I do not remember how is cock looked. What about Anders? Was he big?" she asks. I shrug. "I have no idea, what is considered big?" I asked. "Okay, how did it feel inside?" She asks. A part of me could not believe this conversation, but I would answer anyways. "I felt overstuffed, but then again I never had anything but three fingers in there before." I replied.

"This may sound wrong, but now I really want to see you be split by a cock." She admits. "I really want to split you with a cock. I had dream about it once." I said. "I have had a dream like that too, unfortunately, I was woken up before you could enter me." She says. "It was the same for me. I had just got done devouring your sex, and had lined it up to enter you and then woke up." I said.

I cleared my throat. "Perhaps, we should change the subject, lest I find the nearest place to fuck you." I said. "Andraste preserve me, I love it when you talk dirty." She says. She pulls me into an alley and quickly her breeches were down to her knees and my hand was working her sex as she bent over a barrel. Then I was against a wall her hand working me over.

She walked me to Bernar's forge, hugged me, then went to do what she was supposed to be doing. "She is as you described her to me. I am very happy for you Phae. I do not think I have ever seen you shine so bright." He says. "Thank you Bernar. Still no luck getting a visit with your wife?" I asked at the hint of sadness I picked up in his demeanor.

"No, I even pleaded with Cullen. He did not understand why an exemplary mage such as my wife was being denied visitation." He says. "I am sorry Bernar. I have not had much luck seeing my cousin either. Meredith really has them under lock and key." I said.

"I do not know what to do anymore." He says. "I have been considering trying to find a way to break into the Gallows and start freeing them as safely as possible." I said. "Well, if you do, can you free my wife first?" He asks. I nodded and began working on my armor, while my crossbow hilts were cooling.

I smiled as my wife came back down at dusk to escort me, though I assured he she did not have to. She helped us close the shop, and noticed the crossbows slung on my belt. "Is that why you went without weapons this morning?" She asks. "Partially. Most of the time, I just do not think about it when I leave the house." I said, waving good bye to Bernar.

When we returned to the estate, Anders and Bryce had just gotten there a half hour before us. Bryce abandoned his toys and rushed over to us and hugged us. Then he started immediately chattering at Leliana. "Sketch says you guys stopped by. I had no idea Leliana even knew him." He says.

"They used travel together." I said. "He mentioned that, also that they were betrayed by Leliana's mentor/lover and imprisoned. He told me what they did to him. He could only imagine what they had done to her." He says. "What you imagine, happened. I was beaten, starved, barely given water, and had sex forced on me." Leliana says.

"So, basically you were treated as some mages are?" Anders asks. "Yes." She replies. "Do you believe mages should be free?" He asks. "I do. The Divine is trying to find a peaceful way to dissolve circles." She says. "Tell me more, please?" Anders asked and like that my wife is whisked away.

"I guess it is just us for now Bryce. What did daddy teach you about herbs today?" I asked him. His face lit up and he pulled my hand and we sat on the stairs and pulled out a book. Each herb had been dried, flattened and then drawn as it was before, on each page. I had to hand it to Anders, he knew his herbs well.

"I have an idea da'len, how about we take that book and have our own outing, and learn more herbs and how the Dalish use each one as well as other races?" He nods excitedly. "When, can Leli mama come?" He asks. "If she doesn't have work to do, I do not see why not." I reply. "Can we start?" He asks holding the book out to me. "Certainly, da assan." I reply.

Two days seemed to pass in the blink of an eye, it was nice how well Anders and Leliana got along. I was even starting to see how us all leaving and him staying with us would work. Anders, had agreed to stay with Bryce for the night. He did not ask what we were going to do, only where we would be, in case we were needed. So, we rented a room at the hanged man.

After much discussion, we agreed to add Sketch to our fun. "Alright, so here I am." He says. I close the door behind him. We explained what we had discussed, and he agreed that he would leave after we were done, and that he would not say anything to anyone. Especially, Anders.

We began by removing his clothes together, then sitting him down on the foot of the bed as Leliana and I undressed each other. We readied him further with our mouths, until his cock was at attention. It was a bit awkward at first especially figuring out how we would both be split by is cock.

Leli got to see me be split by his cock adding her fingers and tongue to stroke my clit, until I came. We switched positions me underneath and attending to her clit. Leli on the receiving end of his cock, she asked him to go harder and once she did he lasted but another ten minutes before he filled her sex.

We had intended on having our own session of love making after he had left, and we bathed. But, we only made it to the bathing portion. When we got back into the bed we had not the energy but to sleep. We had forgotten how much threesomes exhausted us.

* * *

 **Elven words**

 **ma sa'lath- my only love**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Final chapter of Ferelden Nights. I hope everyone has enjoyed reading it. It was a labor of love, and I enjoyed writing it. There is a line from Amy Lee's Love Exists. 'Stop standing on the edge' the song belongs to her. i just like the Lyrics and always pictured a scene with Leliana. So, i added it. please check out the song if you want it is so very beautiful.**

 **A/N2: I discovered that I had made a mistake in the timeline. Divine Justinia didn't come into her role until 9:34 dragon/ the Fifth blight or DA Origins ended in 9:31 dragon. According to Dragon age wiki. So, me being a bit OCD with timelines, I had to try it make sense in between stories. yes there is a sequel.**

The landsmeet, had gone better than expected. There was almost unanimous support to our arguments, and the proof we had. Loghain, was unable to bow out peacefully and challenged Sasha to one on one combat. "Be careful Sasha, Loghain is a powerful fighter. We may have won every single fight we had been in. Do not under estimate him." I told her my observations.

The duel lasted 15 minutes, with Sasha as victor. This is where we ran into a debate. Queen Anora wanted her father to live, but undergo the Warden's ritual. Alistair refused, and said he would not let the man pollute the Wardens. She tried suggesting the people decide, but they were evenly matched with yeses and noes.

With a resigned sigh, Sasha executed him. Anora remained true to her promise to wed Alistair after the blight. But killing her father, may have caused the end of Sasha's relationship with Alistair and what had begun as the relationship between her and Anora.

I snuck into Anora's room and hid in the shadows. "You killed my Father, how am I supposed to be ok with us being an us now?" She asks Sasha. "He caused the death of your husband, did Cailan mean so little to you?" Alistair asks. "Al. Please, your anger isn't helping. I love you, but please go and help Eamon plan." She says to him. He nods and walks off.

"Anora, I took no pleasure in your father's execution. But Ferelden needs you and Al. He is a good man, a strong leader, but you know nobility and courts. You both will need to work together for the country we love. I held no hatred for your father. I was confused of his actions, and it would be easy to blame him for the violation and slaughter of my whole family. But it was Howe's men." She said.

Anora did not look moved. "Anora, look at me please. I know we barely know each other, but you feel or felt the connection we had." She says. Anora faces her, tears threatening to fall. "I do not expect forgiveness, if I live through this blight, I will have to live with Loghain's blood on my hands. I only ask, you try and understand. Your father, though once a noble and proud general, he has harmed your people, more than was shared at the landsmeet." She says.

She handed her a battered journal and a roll of papers I had known nothing about. "My Father's journal, and what are these?" she asks referring to the bundle of papers. "Reports and complaints not given to you, are some. There are others sealed shut with your father's seal. A note to was attached to it." She handed her the note. "This, is who Loghain Mac Tir really is. R.J." she says. "Red Jenny." Sasha replies.

I know of the organization, as does Anora by her look. "You know Red Jenny as do I. I ask that you support Alistair, but tell him kindly if and why when you do not agree with him. Because they will be times when you don't. Do not judge him for his reaction to your father, judge him by his own merits. Just as you asked us to not judge you by your father's actions." Sasha says.

She almost runs into me on her way out. I wanted to read those things. The first thing Anora reads are the bundles of paper she was given. I judge by her reactions what the paper elicits in her. I only grow more curious. She reads them quickly, and sets them aside. She picks up the journal, she only gets half way through it before covering her mouth tossing it to the side and running out.

I pick the papers up, dozens of reports on Elven assaults, most are about nobles. I feel Leli coming and place my finger on my lips. I show her the reports and she read them. She wavers a bit, no doubt memories of her imprisonment flaring. I steady her, and sit her down on the seat Anora vacated not long ago. I pick up the journal, making sure to keep my finger on the page she that landed on the floor.

I did not think it was possible, but the journal contains even more disturbing things. I think I hear footsteps and place everything where it had been and grab Leli. We fade shift out as Sasha and Anora come back in.

I coax her to lie down and do my best to replace her horrible memories with gentle and deep love making. We were laying in each other's arms. "I cannot believe how truly despicable Loghain was. Killing her lovers, forcing her into a marriage where she would not be appreciated or even loved. All to control every aspect he possibly could. The Orlesian Game seems like a pleasant leap frog compared to that." Leli says. I nodded in agreement and yawned.

We had decided to speak no further of it and sleep, we were leaving for Redcliffe Village again tomorrow. The signs pointed to the Darkspawn horde going in that direction, and so that is where we would go.

When we got to Redcliffe a small force of Darkspawn already attacking. The force easily removed. "That cannot have been it." I state a runner barges in. "Forgive me my Lords and Ladies. But the Archdemon has been spotted flying to Denerim. A mighty host of Darkspawn following." The messenger says. "How far out are they?" Alistair asks. "A day, maybe two my lord." He answers.

"Even if we leave now, they will get there before us. We still need to send out the summons." Sasha says. "Send the birds, we leave before dawn. Let us pray the gates, and soldiers in Denerim can hold." Eamon says.

Leli and I of course made love like it would be our last night on Thedas. She sleeps comfortably next to me. Not even the knocking on my door rouses her from her slumber. I put on a robe and open the door to a frantic and angry Zarola.

I follow her out and to her room. Morrigan was nowhere to be found. "She put a sleeping spell on me, when I woke to search for her she was in Alistair's room. Riding his cock, I thought she hated him. Why, why Phaedra would she do this to me, to us?" her anger had become tears. "I do not know, but I am sure there is a good reason. She loves you Zar, she wouldn't hurt you intentionally." I said.

"That does not make me feel better Phae." She says. "I am sorry. But perhaps, when this was all over, she will explain." I said. I knew I should be more comforting, or outraged, but Morrigan never did anything without a reason. "Do you even care?" she says, before storming off. I found no rest that night, my mind consumed with regret. I should have said, or done something.

I took solace in the fact that, soon, I would be far too busy to dwell on my mistakes. Zarola, did show up. A rousing speech uplifted the soldiers we had. As we traveled, I escaped my bard to find the rogue I had hurt so much. Morrigan had spoken to her first, I am sure she felt her lover's pain. But Zarola, seemed like she could care less.

"Zar, I know you are upset with me. I can apologize until I am blue in the face. But it does not make right, that I was not there for you last night." I said. She said nothing. "I am not good with this, I have never been betrayed like you or Leli. I stubbornly cling on to the hope, that Morrigan had a good reason. But I am blinded by our friendship." I said.

I was getting frustrated as once again, she did not respond. "There is never a good reason to cheat on your spouse. No matter how you look at it, it was wrong of her." I said. Finally, she responds. "Do you mean that? Or are you just saying that?" she asks. "I mean it. If Leli had done that to me no matter the reason, I would feel like I had died inside, and love was just an illusion." I admitted honestly.

She sighs again. "Okay, I will forgive your insensitivity. I hated being alone. I can't even look at her or Alistair. And I am having trust issues with Sasha. Did she know about it? Did she allow it?" she asks. "Did I allow what?" Sasha asks. "Gah! Curse our excellent teaching skills!" We said together at being jump scared by her.

"Alistair and Morrigan?" Zarola asks. Sasha looks genuinely confused, then her eyes widen. "I can't believe she did that, even after I adamantly said no." She says. "Why did she ask you? Why Alistair?" I asked confused. Sasha sighs and shakes her head.

"I will tell you, but it is a Grey Warden secret. It cannot get out to the public." She says we swear not to say anything. "The only way to end a blight is to kill the Archdemon. We are all aware of that. What the Warden's keep to themselves, is the Grey Warden that does the killing blow, dies to." She told us, and we gasped.

"Morrigan, found a way around this. There is a ritual of magic. If she were to perform the ritual and lie with a Grey Warden, from that union a child is created. The soul of the old god, the arch demon, enters the child instead of the Grey Warden. Sparing their life, but it is unknown what the child would be, other than powerful. Like people, they can be good or bad." Sasha explains.

"And she approached you, why?" Zarola says. "Riordan, was too long with the blight. That is how a Warden gains their abilities. They drink darkspawn blood. If they survive, the blood becomes a part of them. And as you both know, I am a woman, so I wouldn't have been able to either." She says.

"Which left Alistair." We finished her thought. "She approached me, vaguely explained the results. I told her no. Not for jealousy purposes, but because it felt wrong, I have never, nor ever condoned infidelity. Not even if it spares my life. For the past year we have scrambled and fought to end the blight. The child created could become an even greater risk." Sasha says.

"So, Morrigan went against your wishes, and convinced Alistair to complete this ritual?" I ask. "That is how it appears. Wynne had warned me, that this was a possibility. Out of love, we do something normally we wouldn't for the sake of the one we love. The consequences be damned, and boom, the world suffers because of it. I should have listened." She admits.

"No, though it is true, we do stupid things out of love, love is what also keeps us fighting." Zarola says. "Are you just going to forgive her like that?" I ask perturbed after what she put me through. "I don't know. I think I need time to sort it out." She responds. "I am not sure I can forgive Alistair either, for going along with it. Or her for doing it anyways." Sasha says.

Their voices fade away, and I become lost in thought. "You're brooding." Leli says. "I am not, I do not brood." I said. "Yes, you do. And I would bet it had something to do with the conversation you just had." She says.

"I suppose so, I do not know if I can explain it to you. It involves Grey Warden secrets. And I promised Sasha, I wouldn't share it." I said. "I do not think she meant from me love." Leli says. "One sec." I ran up to Sasha. "I promised, I would not say anything. Does that include Leli?" I asked. "No. but only if she keeps it to herself." Sasha replies.

I run back to Leli. "I can tell you, only as long as you keep it a secret." I said. "I am capable of keeping it a secret." She says. I give her a brief overview. "I see, but why does it make you brood?" She asks. "What if we make that mistake. Doom the world, because we love each other too much? Have we done so in the past?" I ask.

"If it was the world or you, I do not think I could make the right decision. You are my world." I shared honestly. She strokes my cheek. "It is the same for me as well. But, If, that decision came down to you. Save the world, and we will see each other again in the afterlife. I would not hold it against you." she says.

It helps but a little. I would continue to pray that the fate of the world never rests on Leliana's life. Because I would let this world burn. I see no redeeming quality, other than Leliana. But I could also not deny her wishes. It was a conundrum.

"The gates are before us. Charge!" Alistair says, and we do. After clearing the initial Darkspawn, we watched the Arch Demon fly back to Fort Drakon. "Taking out the generals, will weaken the horde. Search for them, I will start towards the Arch Demon." Riordan says.

"We'll need a few people to remain here and help hold the gate." Sasha says. "I will stay behind." I volunteer. "I would like to take Leliana with me. I need a good archer." Sasha says. "I know. I will still stay. The people at the gate may need my healing and magic." I explain. My bard knows that I am still brooding about our conversation earlier.

"I would like to go to the alienage if possible. I am worried about my family." Zarola says. Any mention of her wife is wisely kept silent. "Very well, Wynne, are you up to going with her?" Sasha asks. "Hold on a moment. If she needs a mage, you should send me." Morrigan says. "No, I would prefer you remain close, regardless of your 'condition'" Sasha says tersely.

"Sash…" Alistair begins. "Save it Al. We can talk about it, after we kill the Arch Demon. Since, we will have time now." She says with the same terseness. "Sten, I will need you to be in charge here. Oghren, you are second in command." She says.

She kneels in front of Rufus. "Hey killer. I want you to stay with Sten, keep em all in line. I know boy, but up there it will be far too dangerous. I would not like my favorite warrior to get smashed by a dragon tail." She says. He tilts his head and looks at Alistair. "Al and I have some things to work out." She responds to his silent question and scratches his head. He licks her hand and dutifully stands next to Sten.

Before me now is my love, my one true heart's desire. "I expect you to make it through this and wait for me to come back down." She says. I nod and lift my face to kiss her lips, possibly for the last time. I whistle for Banal'ras and Elgara as she walks towards the next section of the city.

"Go with her, make sure she comes back to me safely." I order they nod and both nudge my hand and catch up to walk on each side of Leli. As soon as they make it through the gate another wave hits us from behind. My battle song begins.

After what seems like hours of a continuous stream of Darkspawn. We get a break. As fast as possible I weave my way through the battlefield and heal those I can. By the time I was finished, I was out of Lyrium potions, sitting against a wall. A bottle full of blue liquid enters my line of sight and I look up.

"You must drink this. We know not when they will come again, my friend." Sten says. I nod, and drink it and grip his gigantic hand. "Thank you, Sten. For the lyrium and calling me a friend." I replied. "It is what you are to me. I am still confused about a woman fighting, but I respect your battle skills. You have saved me a number of times." He says patting my back. "More are coming through!" A soldier gets out before an Ogre crushes his body.

Another undetermined amount of time and there was a sound of an explosion, and immediately retreating Darkspawn. I look to the tower and see a pillar of light. "They did it then." I said. I feel a sharp pain and look down to see a sword protruding from my gut. I grabbed the Hurlock before he could escape and crushed him with my magic. My lips tightly closed.

I slump to my knees, and cough out my own blood. I force myself to vomit. The ground meets my face and I fade in and out of darkness. Words are muffled, my vision is blurry. A light pierces my haze. "Mon ange. Please Hold on." The pain makes me sink further into unconsciousness.

The pain I feel when my senses come back, threaten to make me shrink back to the darkness. A warm hand and the smell of Andraste's Grace, pulls me back. I turn my head, breathe in the scent and slowly open my eyes. I see my flame-haired angel, asleep resting her head on my hand. I so dearly want to move, but I cannot.

My throat is dry and hurts, I would swallow my spit, but I fear I have none. It is Mr. Schmooples lifting his head from my knees, and nudging her that wakes her. Her smile is bright when she sees my eyes awake. I struggle to speak again, I cannot. "Water?" she asks. I nod. I lift my head as best as I can, but she pushes me up further to drink.

Now, with my throat cooled and no longer parched, I try to speak again. But again, no words come out. I must have drunk a pitcher of water, but still could not utter a sound. Leli leaves to bring a healer. "She has been trying to speak, and even after a pitcher she still can't" She tells the healer.

"I was afraid, this may happen. The poison on the blade, when she vomited, it must have burned her vocal cords. Has she been able to move much?" he asks her. "Just her head and barely. What is wrong with her?" she asks. "Find me a healing mage, I have no way of figuring it out without them." He says to her. She comes back seconds later, Wynne in tow.

"Are you a spirit healer?" the non-mage healer asks. "Yes." She replies tiredly. "I need a way to see what the damages are inside." My connection to the fade, shows me she is too weak to attempt this. Her spirit of faith too is weak. I shake my head, trying desperately to tell her do not attempt this. "I am still weak, I will need a few more healing mages to assist." She admits.

"But they are back at the tower now." Leli says. "The longer we wait the more chance this state becomes permanent, if it hasn't become that already." The healer says. I shake my head fervently. Hoping my eyes scream do not attempt. I will wait.

With sheer will and determination, I enter the Fade and pull Leliana's spirit in with me. "What have you done?" she asks. "I do not have much time Leli, this is taxing enough to hold with my low mana. Do not under any circumstances let Wynne even attempt this." I said.

"But if she can help, even a little…" she says, and I interrupt her. "She can't help me. She will die Leli, even from just the attempt." I said. "Andraste's Ashes, maybe." She says. "The guardian, he has moved them. Brother Genitivi, was insistent that the world knew of them. We could not kill and innocent man." I said.

"But Mon Ange." She says. "I can wait. Please Leli. For me, do not let her." I could not hold the magic any longer and pushed her out and back in to her body. "I suppose, I could try. Use her magic to bolster mine." I heard Wynne say. "No, Wynne. If you try, in your current state you will die. We will wait for the extra healers." Leli says and I nod in approval.

I spend a lot of my time dozing in and out, drawing strength from the fade. Each time I wake up my Leli is there. When the healers finally get there, they shoo her out. I feel crowded and overwhelmed, but I gulp and suffer through the intrusions. After hours of working and examining I am ok. I refuse to speak to them my first words would be for Leli's ears.

I look for my love through the fade and see her standing on the edge of the tower. I know she has no desire to jump. She just needed the fresh and cool air. I push my healers away and fade step up to the tower. "Ma Vehnan." I croak out she turns to me and smiles. I walk towards her.

"Mon amor. You are better." She says. I nod at her. "Why are you out here? You aren't planning to jump, are you?" I asked. "Of course not. I was just thinking." She says I sit down next to her, our booted feet hanging over the edge. "What about?" I asked.

"You, me, us. We have endured so much. Yet here we are together and in love. The blight is over. We have all lived through this. Sometimes, even as harsh as our journeys to this point have been, it feels like a dream. Sort of." She says.

"How?" I ask. "I wake up, and I see you, I feel you against me. Your scent lingering in my nose. A good scent. Like the forest after it rains. And I feel so moved and happy that this could not be real. It's like, my body is still in that dungeon. But my heart and mind are here with you and our friends." She says.

I think I understand her feelings. She is broadcasting it clearly to me. I put my arm around her. "Such is love. It is vast, unpredictable, very dreamlike." I said kissing her cheek. Silently I get up and stand on the tower proper. "Mon Ange?" she says confused.

"Stop standing on the edge. Take my hand and erase the past forever. My love is you. My love you are." I hold out my hand, she turns and takes my hand and I pull her to me kissing her so deeply she would not be able to dream of the feeling it created.

"Does that feel like a dream?" I asked. "I could never dream up such a kiss, so deeply." She says. "Good. So, the blight is over. The darkness has receded for now. What do we do next?" I asked. My arms are around her waist her arms are on my shoulder. "For starters. A nice long hot bath, followed by a night of lovemaking, then the wedding and reception. Then I want you to come with me to the Valence Cloister and meet the woman who led me to Lothering." She says.

"As my heart wishes do I concede. But you forgot to add we get married and journey throughout Thedas until we no longer can. Then a nice cottage overlooking a lake or sea. Growing old together and finally resting." I said. "Are you asking for my hand in marriage?" she asks. "I am asking all of you in marriage. Talented as your hand is, I want all of you." I said.

"Then, I accept and take all of you in marriage too." A fresh breeze teases our senses and makes us shiver. "Hot bath." I said fighting the urge for my teeth to chatter from cold. We went inside and proceeded to bathe, make love all night. Sleepily we smile and compare our wedding would be like to Anora and Alistair's. Sasha stands to the side holding back her tears of joy.

From what I understand, they worked out their problems. But there was a companion missing. Morrigan had disappeared. Leaving a destitute Zarola in her wake. Leli and I sat her between us comforting her and stilling her tears if but temporarily.

We enjoy the festivities later as best we can. "So, Sasha. What next for you?" I asked when she had managed to escape for brief respite. "I am leaving in a week to take up duties as Warden Commander in Amaranth. The people there need someone to clean up and fix whatever Howe did to them." She said.

She sounded weary. "You seem exhausted. Must you go so soon?" Leliana asks. "I cannot linger long. Who knows what state those poor people are in. I would leave sooner, but I must wait at least 3 days. That is when I am free to be with both my loves. At least for a bit." She says.

"Why not sooner?" I asked. "Tradition. For 3 days hence, wedded couples must make love multiple times to increase the chance of an heir. I have been asked to perform the King and Queen's duties during this time. Because someone has to take care of this kingdom while they are occupied." She says.

"Human nobles are weird." I comment. Leli and Sasha chuckle. "Yes, we are." Sasha agrees. "Do not forget that you too must rest. Do not become overwhelmed and make yourself sick." I said to her. "I won't. Erlina has been instructed not to let me. By order of the King and Queen." She says smiling her eyes no doubt imagining her next time to be with her loves.

"What of you two?" Sasha asks snapping out of her daze. "Leli is taking me to meet Revered Mother Dorothea. We will ask for her blessing to get married." I said. "Truly?" she asks. "Yes. It is not necessary, but Dorothea means a lot to me." Leli says.

"As long as I can be at the wedding." Sasha says. "We would not dream of having it without you. The Hero of Ferelden." I tease. "We are all heroes in my book." She says kissing our cheek and breathing in deeply to face the world and no doubt parade in her honor.

We left mid morning and arrived in Valence in three days. Zarola had agreed to go with Sasha part of the way to Amaranth. But she would be leaving to search for her wife. She deserved answers on her abandonment.

Zevran stayed with the King after Sasha's departure, promising to keep the King and Queen safe. Who better to protect from assassins then an assassin? Wynne left with Shale, promising to return to the tower when her task was complete. Sten went home with Rufus on his heel after objecting to Sasha leaving him in Ferelden. He had earned retirement. As for our dwarven merchants they returned to traveling. Oghren could return to Orzammar as warrior.

We were sitting in a tub in our room in Valence. It was late upon our arrival. Dorothea had already retired for the evening. "I thought you wanted to reconnect with your family in Kirkwall?" Leli asks. "I do, and I will. But this is important to you. And I would love you to go with me." I said.

"As for our wedding?" she asks. "I would like them to be there. Both my human and Elven family. I know the second one may not happen though." I said sadness creeping into my voice. "You never know. They may." She says. I nod and kiss her cheek.

The next six months is the very epitome of a dream. We were happy. I still had not gotten in touch with the Amells in Kirkwall. But I did see Wynne again and my brother. Both were assured they could attend my wedding.

Sadly, I could not find my former clan in Ferelden. I had no idea where they had gone too. I had received a letter from Zarola. She had found her wife and they were going to work on their relationship. After her letter I had been given updates on all our companions. We were in a state of joy. But it did not last, news of Divine Beatrix 3 failing health, and that Dorothea, was slated to be her successor, changed everything.

It began with strange meetings between Dorothea and Leliana, at different hours of the day. The meetings even took her from our bed at times. "What is so important Leli?" I asked her. "Phaedra, I am sorry, but i can't really explain. If I could, I would. But please, my love, trust in me. have faith in me." She said. I nodded, but fear was in me. I was afraid, that I was losing her.

After a night of glorious lovemaking, I felt Leliana slip out of bed. She had kissed my cheek and said she would be back shortly. She had felt the need for a hot cider and a sweet roll. I had said I was good. Rolled over and went back to sleep. The next day, I woke up to an empty bed and my love was nowhere to be found.

"Have you seen my betrothed?" I asked a servant. She handed me a sealed letter. When I opened a piece of jewelry fell out and into my hand. It was the engagement ring I had forged for Leli. And nothing else. "I am sorry mistress. I saw her leave, but I could not find out where she went." She said.

"My name is Phaedra. And it is alright. I will find out." I said and went to the woman I knew would have answers. I had no manners and stormed into the Dorothea's quarters. I knew the seal upon the envelope. "How dare you!" a guard asked. I flung him to the side. "Where is she? I was given this." I placed Leli's ring on her desk. "It was in an envelop. With your seal on it. Where is she?" I asked again.

Dorothea waved away the guards that had begun to converge. "Leliana is on a mission for me. It is of the upmost importance and a secret. You will only put her at risk. You distract her. She has a higher purpose." She says.

"But you blessed our union. Was that just a lie to make her more complacent to your will?" I asked. "No. Phaedra. It was not. I do bless your marriage." She says. "Then why?" I asked. "I would not have stood in her way. But by her side." I said. She sighs. "I know. But her mission will be hard enough, with her as a hero of the fifth blight. She may need to delve into her past as a bard. This mission must succeed." She says.

"I can find her you know." I said. "You could, if she had not sought a mage employed by me. She has been given a means to hide from you. I urge you please do not look for her. She loves you. You love her. But if you were to look for her. You put her life at risk." She says.

I sigh defeated. The one thing I could never do. Cause harm to my beloved. "Will you see her again?" I asked. She nods. "Give this to her. She need not wear it but, I made it for her with all the love I bear for her. It belongs with her. Tell her, I love her and will wait for her." She nods, and I allow her to embrace me but, so it began. The crushing loss of my lover.

The next day, I made haste to Kirkwall. It was with heartbreak and heaviness I trudged up the stairs to the city. I knew from my brother where the Amell estate was. Sadly, the house stood empty. Or at least I think it did. I asked a guardswoman for a place to stay.

"In Lowtown. There is a place called 'The Hangedman. They will have lodgings." She says. "Lowtown?" I asked. "Come with me, my shift is at end. I will lead you there." She says. I nod and follow behind her. We meet up with a bulky fellow, he seems nice. "Guardswoman Aveline." He greets cordially. I see the look of tentative love in her eyes. "Guardsman Donnec." She says.

They speak a few moments, passing down information. "And what of the young woman with you?" he asks looking at me kindly. "She has just arrived in Kirkwall. I am taking her to the Hanged Man for lodgings." She replies.

"Welcome to Kirkwall Mistress. I am Guardsman Donnec." He says politely holding out his hand to shake mine. I do not get bad vibes from him. Tentatively, I shake his hand. "Phaedra Amell." I reply. "I'm sorry did you say Amell?" Aveline asks. "Yes, my lady." I reply. "Any relation to Gamlen Amell?" She asks.

"I do not know mistress. My Father was an Amell. My mother a Dalish. My brother mentioned a, 'Leandra Hawke'. I came from Ferelden, looking for the Amells." I said. She sighs. "Alright, come with me. There are a few people you should meet then. We are still going to The Hangedman. They are usually there for a game of Wicked Grace by now." She says.

She bids farewell to Donnec and leads me to Lowtown. "I know Leandra Hawke. I count her among my extended family. She is a good and kind woman. I will not abide by fooling her, so, if you are not her kin… I strongly suggest you abandon your plot. Or by the Maker, I will make you pay and then send you packing." She says. I nod in agreement.

I enter the tavern, the familiar scent of stale vomit, urine and ale hitting my nose. It made me nostalgic for Oghren's company again. I was happy he and Sasha had reunited in Amaranth. I had received a letter from Sasha about Oghren becoming a Grey Warden. I could not believe he drank the whole chalice of Darkspawn Blood.

"Hawke!" Aveline yells, from behind the stairs comes a woman, beautiful, eyes of deep sapphire and hair as black as mine own. Her jerkin was crooked and untucked, her breeches open. "Really, must you be so uncouth. Fix yourself. There is someone here looking for your mother." Aveline says.

This seems to sober up and she unwraps pale thin arms, with a distinctive tattoo. I knew that tattoo. "Merrill?" I ask out loud. She looks from around Hawke. "Phaedra? Is that you, truly?" she asks. I had cut my hair shorter, but it should not have changed my looks much. "It is Da'len. It has been too long." I reply.

Her eyes thin and glare upon me. I knew what was coming. I would let her, I did deserve it after all. She quickly walked up to me and the slap to my face stung like hell and had my head jerking to side. This action seemed to both impress and infuriate Hawke. She went to punch me, I grabbed her hand.

"I deserved that from Merrill, which is why I did not stop it. But you do not know me and therefore, I will not allow you to hit me." I said steel in voice. "She is my paramour. What hurts her, angers me." She replied equally steely. "Rilia." Merrill says, and her voice instantly soothes the rage burning in Hawke.

"Fine, I will leave it. But a slap like that warrants an explanation." Rilia says. "And I will tell you later. She came here looking for your Mother. I think I know why. But please, hear her out." Merrill says. "Fine. I need another ale." She says. She heads to the barkeep and I sit in a cozy room. A dwarf, A mage, and a brooding elf sit down around the table.

"By the way you owe me an explanation too." She says. Before sitting next to an empty chair, I had no doubt the seat belonged to Hawke. Aveline stood imposingly at the doorway. When Hawke returned, I told my story from my life with the elves and my exile. Merrill got her explanation. We were getting ready to leave. I had to still prove my claim as family. Leandra would be my witness. But it would wait until tomorrow.

The closed door, burst open. "What have I missed?" I knew that voice too. "Well, hello again Phaedra. Come to relive our night on the Siren's call. But I do not see the songbird." She says leaning over me her gloriously large and inviting breasts pushing into my back. Hawke cleared her throat. Isabela backed off. "She and I have separated temporarily." I replied, my voice cracking a bit.

"So, you are a free agent then. Never mind we can still relive that night. "Isabela. What would Bethany say?" Hawke asks. Isabela seems to change a bit. "Well, it is not like we are together. So, I imagine she would have nothing to say." Isabela says. But her falter there, gives me some insight. "Wow, who would have thought, the infamous booty pirate, almost spoken for." I commented teasingly. Bella throws a knife at me and I catch it easily. She storms out.

I deny their plea to tell them the story of that night, and set up a room to retire. I make sure to lock the door and ward it. Because you never know when a lustful pirate rogue would try and break in. I sighed heavily. "And so, begins my nights in Kirkwall. This should be interesting." I said aloud. With a yawn I lay in the bed fully clothes and armored, just in case. I fell asleep, swearing I could hear my Leli singing Suledin in Elvish.


End file.
